Originally Posted by Mulan
. . . and really examine my feelings about DWG, and there is nothing lacking there. In fact, it is overwhelming. I have been suppressing it, which is a longstanding problem for me, which became a habit.

Of course. Every WS has to suppress any positive feelings they have for their BS, or else they wouldn't have all that time and energy to pour into somebody else.

You are so right when you say it becomes a habit - and then it becomes an entitlement - and then it's just normal life, the way it's supposed to be. And anybody who thinks otherwise is just dead wrong and deserves to be punished.

Yep. That was my mentality for years. Its appalling, looking back. I was the cause of all of my unhappiness and all of DWG's pain, and now she has to somehow live with that pain. All I can do is not be that any longer and be the source of her happiness. If I do that long enough, well...maybe the pain will become bearable. There is only one viable path ahead. All the others lead deeper into darkness.

FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.