Originally Posted By: Mrs_Vanilla
This may seem nitpicky, but it illustates how insidious LBers can be:

Originally Posted By: GreenMile
I think I know how I got to this place, but I probably will not be able to punch my way out myself just by sheer force of will or just doing, as much as I would like to.

I did not say in my original post that you have to just up and do all by your lonesome. You assumed that's what I meant, or that you still knew better, or that there was some flaw in my advice such that you could correct and re-write things. (And this is me assuming your thoughts... not a very pleasant habit or cycle to be on, is it?!)

You have larger issues to work on than this, but wanted to point it out while I was thinking of it.

Hope your appt. w/ the p-doc goes well.

I understood what you meant and agree with it. I didn't mean that there was anything wrong with your advice, Mrs. Vanilla. Yes, it is not a pleasant habit or cycle. Its a nightmare inside a nightmare. Living in a world of concocted scenarios designed to make me feel better is the very definition of neurosis. I do so desperately want to be well. There is no scenario I can live in that will stop this cycle except for the "no scenario" scenario. I am not, as TST explained, some Western hero or some figure in a Greek tragedy. What happens to me is of no consequence to anyone in this world but myself. There is no one for me to rescue other than myself. I wanted that sense of heroic rescue and affirmation and admiration so badly, I was willing to pay someone to get it and did so for years and years. Neurosis is not just "psychosis lite". It is a destroyer of lives. It made me into a real life villain.

FWH, age 63. 24 years of narcissistic behavior, infidelity, and emotional abandonment of my BS, age 57, DancesWithGoats (DWG). D-day two years ago, leading to emotional breakdown. Been working MB program and toward spiritual transformation and personal growth since then, with some slow but real progress. DWG still with no trust, but with grief starting to subside a bit.