Originally Posted by Roy_Jones
Also, it'd be great to hear some of the "whys" of staying together. I think it would nice to compile a list to put into my blackberry to remind me (as one of the things to do to encourage myself when I'm feeling down).


Hi Roy, I can give you some "whys" of the effect of D versus staying together.

The impact on your family. No more family traditions, your whole family gathered together at holidays, the silly insider jokes that you shared with your wife.

Why stay together? Doesn't matter if your children are 1 or 50 it impacts them for life. It pulls the security blanket right out from under them. Sure they will eventually "get over it" but why do they have to? I saw the confusion and hurt in my DDs and the fog that their father tried to spin around about still being one happy family. It does not happen, that is in films or fiction.

Why stay together? Because divorce sucks. It devastates every aspect of your life. Everything that you worked for with your partner is blown apart. Years that you worked together for a common goal, financial stability and future retirement go up in a puff of smoke.

Marriage is hard, it is h*ll when the WS wounds you to your core. You ask yourself many days why do I want to keep my M alive especially when the WS is in the fog.

Because if you could learn to have a terrific M it will all be worth it in the end. There are so many stories on MB of M that I wouldn't have taken a bet that it would be restored and now the WS did a complete turnaround.

I am one of those MBers that is working on personal recovery because of the D and live with it every day.

Dont' give up.

Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."