Well, you avoid fights where the odds are against you. So instead of fighting in the courts, where one is likely to lose, take the fight to where it counts, with your child.

BE the better parent, regardless what the courts decide. In the long run, your child will see that you are the one they can count on, not the wayward wife. You are the one who keeps his word, who is to be modeled, etc.

My job is to be a great father, not a winner in the court room. Save your time and energy for being a great father when you do have the chance.

Second, win the fight before it ever gets to the court room. Be a great husband and father. Choose wisely. Don't rescue anyone. If someone can't take care of themselves, then you don't want them as your spouse. Because if they are looking for a way out of a situation, then it's possible that you'll be the situation they are trying to escape later.

Choose someone who brings as much to the table as you do. Choose someone who has a history of not quitting. Someone who doesn't play silly games. If there is drama in their life, pretty soon, they'll be the drama you don't want in your life.

Protect yourself in advance. Get a pre-nup that says the unfaithful party or the one who simply walks out when there is no marital misconduct gets nothing but their clothes. This is different from a pre-nup that protects your wealth. If someone will not sign one of these, then they are saying that they don't trust themselves not to cheat or to bail on the marriage.

Don't date cheaters or folks who just left their spouses. If they don't believe marriage is for life and being unhappy is a valid reason to them for leaving, then it's pointless to date them.

The battle to win is with your child, it's before you marry.

Don't bother fighting with cheaters. Society doesn't care if they were cheaters, and in many cases, they'll blame you for the cheaters cheating anyway.

If at all possible, don't have kids. It's not the kid's fault mom is a cheat or doesn't believe that marriage is for life. But it will break both your hearts if she comes to that conclusion, so if you haven't already had kids, avoid it.

If you feel the need to pass along your views, volunteer with kids who don't have a good mom or dad, teach Sunday school, be a big brother or big sister, volunteer at your local school, spend a week helping at a camp for kids. You'll have as much time if not more than you would with kids you get to see EOW and maybe on Wednesdays.

If anyone asks you why you are not married or don't have kids, tell them that until the system is fixed, until women stop choosing divorce 2 to 3 times more often than men, until the myth that men are cheats and women are victims are all done away with, until fathers are presumed as good of parents as mothers, until marital unfaithfulness is considered an attribute associated with an unfit parent, you don't care to participate in that system.

Fighting the courts is only fighting the symptoms. The problem is not the courts, it's the attitudes that allow someone to cheat and then think they are a fit parent. The problem is folks who just decide they are not happy and they are going to end their marriage, regardless what their spouse thinks or feels, ignoring what it will do to children.

The best way to fight against that is for the best and brightest, the most desirable men to say they will not participate any longer in that arrangement.

That's the fight I'm fighting.

I'm winning my child's heart and mind over to the idea that this father knows best, and is looking out for her best interests in every decision I make. I'm teaching her that she cannot treat men they way her mother treated me. When the day comes and she chooses to marry, I'll tell the both of them that once they marry, my support goes to the marriage. If my daughter cheats on him, he's always welcome in my home, she's welcome, but an affair partner, even if they ultimately become a spouse will never be welcome in my home.

Wanna really win, then don't tolerate the adultery nonsense. Don't watch it on TV, don't buy books that promote adultery, don't vote for candidates that tolerate it, or practice it. Don't reward adulterers with your time or treasure.

If your friends are cheating, you need new friends. If you have a family member who cheats, they no longer need to be invited to your home. If your mother cheated on your father, make sure she knows it's unacceptable. If she's married to her affair partner, make sure she knows he can't come to your home and as long as he's in hers, you won't visit her when he's around.

You win by living well and practice zero tolerance for those who cheat their vows by having an affair or otherwise discarding a spouse who never committed marital misconduct.

The fight wasn't with my ex-wife. It's with a society that all but celebrates infidelity. It's with parents that have affair partners in their homes instead of rallying around betrayed spouses.

The courts just reflect what's going on in society. So if you really want to win, you have to change society.

Don't attend churches that are soft on adultery and frivolous divorce is another example. I fired my pastor after he tried to blame me for my ex-wife's affair. If your pastor is telling you men are walking out of their families and not committed to family, you need to educate him that it's women by a factor of 2 to 3 who are the ones ending marriage. If he's still blaming men, explain to him that he's fired as your spiritual leader. As long as he's going to buy the lie from the pit of hell that men are the problem and women are victims, then he has no place being your spiritual leader or guide.

If your church will not confront a wayward wife in accordance with the process spelled out in Matthew 18, then it's time to fire that church and find one that will follow scripture when it comes to a member who will not end his/her sinful behavior.

I'm sure there are more, but the bottom line is zero tolerance for the nonsense we live with today.

Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Enlightened_Ex
I've clearly said that it's folly to fight the battle on the terms dictated by society. However, I've also said to shape the battlefield to fight on the terms most advantageous.

Please elaborate..