My post was referring more to the neglect and denial that takes place on a day to day basis - way before an affair and/or divorce come into play.

My experience has been with men who reject any sort of structure or professional input. They are of the mindset that relationships should just unfold naturally and that the way it is, is the way it is.

They were okay with the way they viewed the world, and the suggestion that improvements were possible and necessary was flat out rejected.

I was told by my ex-husband that he wanted to be accepted as he was and that he was not going to promise that anything would change if we stayed married.

I was told by the man I've recently been seeing that he knew he had a problem, but after years of trying to sort it out himself, he was now content living 'as is' - with absolutely no regard or concern to how it was affecting those around him.

So, when I speak of 'fighting', it's more of an openness to see and acknowledge the reality of what's going on and a willingness to grow and change.

It's the difference between being 'awake' and making decisions and choices in a purposeful way, rather than 'sleeping' one's way through life on autopilot.