Lost in Despair, CWMI brings up an important point. What exactly is she objecting to? Bells and whistles is really vague. Get specific, see what she specifically isn't comfortable with.

I'm low maintenence so for me bells and whistles are power steering, MP3 jack, power windows/locks, and AC.

Remember that in POJA it's okay for one of you to say no. And the negotiating table has to be open and comfortable enough for the person to say no without the other person getting mad. It takes both of you coming together to reach a decision that you are both happy about. So whether you or she comes to the table and says "I'd like X and Y, whatcha think?" The answer is not to get mad but to say, "Okay, well, what can we adjust so that you are happy about X and Y?"

Then yo high five, hug, and stay happily in love.

Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)