Thanks, Fred, for the kind words. I guess I was just really pinging last week because I still have a hard time when people try to tell me, as they did here on the forum, that I�m lying about what I felt or did not feel growing up. I really need to learn how to let such things go and just accept that some people don�t understand. You are right, we all have things we struggle with, but somehow if your struggles are slightly different from others, that makes you some kind of lying weirdo.

I�m feeling even worse about myself today because I tried to get a little (just a little, lol) intimate with Big Dude and it went horribly.

Background: I found out one of my girlfriends really, really, liked Church Guy (causing me to back off getting to know him) and since Big Dude (who I�ve been getting to know for 6 months) wanted to take our relationship to the next level, and I wasn�t interested in anyone else, I decided, �I like him, he�s hot, so why not go exclusive?�


I had flashbacks to my ex telling me he didn�t want to take time out for me which totally killed the moment. And when Big Dude tried to encourage me to let it go and relax, he also asked �When was the last time you had this much fun with a guy.� Well, guess what? �Never� was the honest answer, but not the right one. He totally backed up, wanted more details, and after hearing them concluded I was some sort of freak weirdo.

I should have known better! I�ve actually had a guy tell me I�m a weirdo because I waited for marriage and was only with one guy within the confines of that marriage. So I should have KNOWN this guy wouldn�t truly honest answers about my sexual past. Why did I tell him? I felt comfortable with him and trusted him, and thought he would be patient with me. After all, it�s been 5-6 months! But I was wrong.

"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer