Thank you Gamma. I don't intend to withhold anything and will not. The question is what is and is not appropriate - is everything his business. Yes, I informed my wife of his request -sent her his letter request and have shown her the draft I wrote and asked for her input. I have done tremendous damage. Claiming and taking responsibility for that is job one. I also don't want to create pictures in his mind that harder to heal. his been through enough.