Chuck, I believe that what your son is looking for is help in reconstructing the timeline of his life. What he thought was true and real about his life has been shattered, and he needs your help in putting the pieces back together again.

My guess is that he wants to understand what was happening with your affair on dates like May 16 and June 24 in order to compare the facts against his own memories of his interactions with you during those times.

Your children have been deceived and betrayed. Not just your wife.

So if you list, as you should, that you met with the other woman the evening of July 3, for example, your son wants to be able to piece together how you could deceive your family so well and pretend like everything was ok on Independence Day. Dad out back grilling, laughing, playing horseshoes, holding mom's hand ... whatever. How could you act so "normal" while you were knowingly ripping your family apart behind their backs by banging OW the night before?

Or he may recall that you acted odd, not quite yourself during certain events, and he also wants to be able to put those memories into perspective.

He wants to figure out how he could be so blindsided. He needs points of reference to put it all together. He needs those dates to understand, and he needs your truthful help with that.

I suggest that when you give him the timeline, you also include a copy of the stages of affairs. (Can someone share that with Chuck? I don't recall the name of the document, but it's a list of how affairs begin and progress, just like clockwork.)

And also tell your son that the way you behaved was just like every other ordinary, selfish, cruel schmuck who has an affair. Your son likely held you in high esteem and put you on a pedestal before. It's tough to take when someone we think the world of deeply hurts and betrays us and shatters our world view.

FBW in recovery