Originally Posted by Accuray
Yes, my W's love language is "Quality Time" so I have focused on providing that. I was giving her full and undivided attention for 15 - 30 minutes a night initially, until she complained it was too much and she wanted to connect less. She said she wants "a few times a week", otherwise there is nothing to discuss.

This is a sign that she is in the state of Withdrawal. You make the biggest Love Bank deposits by spending time together (whether your love language is quality time or not) meeting the four intimate emotional needs: intimate conversation, affection, recreational companionship, and sexual fulfillment.

You will need to make overtures to her: take the initiative to plan recreational activities that you know that SHE will enjoy, arrange babysitting, invite her out and try to get her to spend time alone with you. During this time you will need to become GREAT at the skill of intimate conversation first and then affection. There is an article here you can read on meeting the need for conversation that will give you four "friends" of intimate conversation and four "enemies" of intimate conversation to remember and practice, or avoid, as appropriate.

Because she is in withdrawal you will only be able to make little Love Bank deposits at first. Over time if you don't make any withdrawals, she will become more willing to allow you to make bigger Love Bank deposits. She will move to the state of Conflict, where she will be very selfish, but is still open to you making deposits, and you will need to hold the course (and possibly endure some nastiness) before she moves into Intimacy.

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.