Thank you for your replies. I will suggest that she posts on here but I don't think that she will do that.

Yes I have the book.

The thing is, it's all very well to to focus solely on the love busters that I am guilty of. The fact that I am candid about that should show that I am serious about doing what I need to. But I'm also not prepared to be the only one making the effort if all that would result in is me being used like a doormat.

I don't think that she is completely withdrawn either. After coming across an article 'buyers, renters and freeloaders' she has many of the characterstics described under freeloader. (Although i do believe that she is committed to monogamy). Many of her comments to me when I complain about the situation seem to indicate that she doesn't think that she should have to make the effort that I think she does, i.e. everything should come naturally.