Originally Posted by nscriv
It is a bit presumptuous to assume that she is freeloading because she is a withdrawn spouse.

Angry outbursts, (a raised voice) scare your spouse and they carry a payload. The person you should trust most in the world is treating you in a way he would never treat even a casual friend. That is why AOs are such massive love busters.

As the relationship deteriorates, your spouse's taker comes out in force to protect her. Of course that makes the relationship deteriorate further as your taker comes out in retaliation.

Both of you are now trapped in your respective corners protecting yourselves. She is a freeloader because she does not love you. Ergo, she is taking the domestic support and offering you nothing in return.

Originally Posted by nscriv
I blame myself for getting into this, but the more I reflect on the situation I realise that this has been this way from early on.

Of course, this downward spiral takes a while to build but you can start the change at any time by stopping the AOs. That is why this step is so important.

Once your taker stops beating her up, hers will stop hiding from you but it will take more than a week or two. It took a long time to get this bad and it will take a while for her to feel safe. MB can make her be passionately in love with you again and want only to make you happy but it is going to take some work on your part.

You need to stop bullying her and start coaxing. Can you do that?

3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)