Thank you for your insightful and comprehensive reply, BWS71.

I think that you are pretty much spot on with most of what you say, although I find it difficult to see how to change the way I feel about things. (I can however see how it is possible to work on how I react to my feelings (AO's).)

For example, you mention the example of her business and how she must feel about my lack of value for what she does. Since I first posted here a few days ago I managed to engage her to fill in the EN questionnaire and she identified admiration as her #1. So you were spot on. The problem I have is that I feel resentful about the level of engagement that goes into it at the expense of other areas in our lives. I perceive this to affect not just myself in a negative way but for this to affect our children as well. It is something that she could not be engaged in were it not for my financial support. She often seeks my opinion on matters to do with the business but then almost always disregards my good advice on measures that she could take to improve her chances of succeeding with the business. All of these things make it very difficult to perceive it as anything other than a drain on not just our marriage but our family.

I can completely see you are right in terms of the effect with regards to her need for admiration, and how my feelings towards that are the exact opposite of what she needs. But I don't see how we can both win out of this situation.

Perhaps I just need to work on what I can.

Thanks again for your help.