I know for certain now that he's not having an affair. If that helps with any advice. I know also now that he still cares for me, loves me, but believes that we have 2 different sets of values in life and he believes that he can't make me happy without making himself unhappy. I disagree. I've told that I disagree. We're both finally starting to understand how we individually contributed to problems in our marriage but my husband just has tapped out. When we start to talk about it, it's like his brain gets overwhelmed and he stops thinking about us and he very successfully focuses his mind and actions on anything else - reading, walking, calls someone etc. He hates seeing me sad about so I try to stay calm until he leaves. If he sees me cry it really upsets him and makes him want to stay with me. When he stays with me it confuses me and gives me hope that divorce isn't really what he wants. This is all very confusing. And I'm starting to wonder now if I just need to work on letting him go.