After a rough patch my wife and I have got along well for over a year. One of my issues identified in counseling is that I "carry baggage" instead of communicating my feelings. I store the resentment.

No more, I've cured that.

But now my wife isn't used to hearing what I REALLY feel about situations. BTW I'm not an angry person in any way.

So 2 days ago my wife and I were an hour late to get to a friends dinner. My wife is habitually late, and once it gets to more than about 20 minutes late I feel that I'm letting others down, I get anxious, I feel resentment. So instead of burying my feelings and sulking for a day I two, I told her...

I opened the door to the room she was in and said something like "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE MAKING US LATE AGAIN, IT'S SO RUDE AND SELFISH". Not yelling, not swearing, but obviously furious. I was seething.

Then I was kind of OK. But not my wife.

For 2 days (including fathers day) she's sulked. She avoids me. When I finally got her to open up she said something like:

"You're SO rude, you do so much damage with your anger. You don't love me. How dare you talk to me like that"

So I'm in a quandry. Anger is bad - I read the article on this site. But if my wife thinks an hour late is OK and I should just suck it up, where do I go besides anger?? Our lateness values are different, and frankly an hour is outside my comfort zone.

What do I do next time? Are there alternatives to anger when you're feeling pissed off? Go meditate?? Get over it?

Or do I just get angry again and ignore a week of sulking from my wife?

And also counseling identified anger as my wife's problem. Unknown to me she'd lived her life in a pool of anger! But I can't be angry at her?

I'm surprised at how much this has affected me, I feel like I'm straight back to the bad part of my marriage where my wife manipulated me with her anger. Hhhmmm.