Originally Posted by BrainHurts

What have you done to get porn out of your life? Do you still have access to the internet? What are you doing to live your life transparent to your DW so she knows you aren't watching it anymore?

Hello, and thank you for your response. Yes, I have read The Scourge of Pornography, but it's always great to get a good reminder.

In order to help rebuild her trust in me I have the following things in place: Accountability software on all internet capable device. A "dumb" phone that can only call and text, lacking in internet capability. I attend in person SA meetings and SAA meetings over the phone.
We have a lot of these types of things, since we've been at this for a year and half. It really feels so much longer than that. Like we've been fighting this thing our entire lives together.

I do not look and pornography anymore. Honestly, I hate it. I hate how much control it has had over me and I hate how much damage is has done to my wife. But I work my program because even if I hate it, discover all of its disgusting realities, and wish to wash every last memory of it from my mind...I am and will forever be an addict. I will chase the thing I hate until I'm dead if left to my own devices.

Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Hello CowardlyLion, welcome to Marriage Builders. You didn't ask for advice, but I will give it anyway. You are causing incredible damage by saying those things to your wife. Stop saying that to her. Of course a wife will "frown" if you say such things to her. When was the last time you viewed porn and how does she verify you have really stopped?

I welcome any advice given and really appreciate the gesture. I wasn't completely clear. I never verbally said anything to her, disparaging her in any way. But my wife looks a certain way. And when she saw the women I had tried to get with before her and the women who were present in my porn she knew I wasn't into the type of girl that she is. It wasn't something you could change. In a man's world, when you're told your only value is your appearance, not fitting your husbands preference or even his "acceptable" type, your security isn't going to be in a very secure place.

I recently had a discussed upon relapse, where my behavior, though not technically bottom line or inner circle, was inappropriate and I was focusing too much on something that was sexual. We decided to reset my sobriety date of about a year. It is now at one month.

Last edited by CowardlyLion; 11/01/19 10:58 PM.