I'm with Sisyphus...

My dear... you sound like you want to be in control also. Please, no offense. I understand your perspective and your experience how you are wary... BUT, where does trusting in God come in?

Wise as a serpant
Gentle as a dove

I'm with Sisyphus... we're here for you as you go through step by step but please ask yourself, WHO do you trust? YOURSELF? YOUR H? or ...?

Have a great day! Shalom!

As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another... Prov 27:17