Oh, BR, I totally sympathize with you. My H has started making overtures toward me. Telling me he's now feeling the guilt and remorse he wasn't feeling when we tried to reconcile before.

I've also set conditions - be completely finished with OW and be clean and sober. I don't think it's controlling, I think it's setting boundaries to maintain my sanity. I know that the OW isn't my problem, but his bouncing back and forth between her and me is something I just can't handle anymore. I'd rather he stay with her until he's really done with her and just leave me alone until he's ready to let her go completely.

As for drugs and alcohol, there's no hope of any relationship as long as he's using. And, I need him to be back in AA before I can get involved with him again, not white knuckling it. He can do what he wants, but so can I. And I know there's no sanity or serenity with him without these conditions being met.

He also has control issues, and so do I. I'm trying to put my faith in God. It's much easier when it's about the two of us apart. I can pray for God's will for me and for my H, but when it comes to our relationship, I have a much harder time letting go. I'd rather be sane and lonely than spinning out of control with the insanity of living with an active alcoholic. I'm not willing to take a chance until things are much different than they are now. But I know there will never be any guarantees and that's what scares me.

Keep praying, keep writing here. Sleep on this, if you can, and I know you'll have more perspective tomorrow. You are always so helpful to everyone with your wise advice. Just open yourself up to that guidance that you have for everyone else.