Oh, BR, I totally sympathize with you. My H has started making overtures toward me. Telling me he's now feeling the guilt and remorse he wasn't feeling when we tried to reconcile before. <P>I've also set conditions - be completely finished with OW and be clean and sober. I don't think it's controlling, I think it's setting boundaries to maintain my sanity. I know that the OW isn't my problem, but his bouncing back and forth between her and me is something I just can't handle anymore. I'd rather he stay with her until he's really done with her and just leave me alone until he's ready to let her go completely.<P>As for drugs and alcohol, there's no hope of any relationship as long as he's using. And, I need him to be back in AA before I can get involved with him again, not white knuckling it. He can do what he wants, but so can I. And I know there's no sanity or serenity with him without these conditions being met. <P>He also has control issues, and so do I. I'm trying to put my faith in God. It's much easier when it's about the two of us apart. I can pray for God's will for me and for my H, but when it comes to our relationship, I have a much harder time letting go. I'd rather be sane and lonely than spinning out of control with the insanity of living with an active alcoholic. I'm not willing to take a chance until things are much different than they are now. But I know there will never be any guarantees and that's what scares me.<P>Keep praying, keep writing here. Sleep on this, if you can, and I know you'll have more perspective tomorrow. You are always so helpful to everyone with your wise advice. Just open yourself up to that guidance that you have for everyone else.