Okay...for the last wek, I have been risking getting my head bitten off in my postings, but this thread has gone in a good direction for the most part.<P>{{{{{ BR }}}}}, I feel indebted to you, and I am 'watching' your sit with much concern, and care. I notice that you are paying close attention to the addiction thing, and sometimes that process is detrimental (in general...this is not a slam). We tend to lose many opportunities here when we use this forum to commiserate, and justify giving up. I am trying to be <B>God's advocate</B>...the Devil has too many. Not a Bible thumper per se, just want people to stay out of his way.<P>It is the nature of this thing to keep us somewhat in the dark...it makes us do the right thing for its own sake...<B>not ours</B>. This is the ultimate test...you are going through your own crucifixion in your own way. Please remember what happened to Jesus...(your model). Doubt...questioning God about abandoning him, forgiveness of his persecuters, and yes, executioners. Finally, acceptance, love, and detachment ('It is done.') That is the model you are urged to follow.<P>Your thoughts are natural, and come from 'the Devil'...people in those times were simple, and required simple models...that is where the concept of the Devil comes from...it is self-sabotage, these thoughts, and you know that is your Taker screaming to be fed.<P>God is in control...despite what you, your H, or any of us think to the contrary. You will seek the counsel of those who allow you to service your Taker now...not good. Success depends on your ability to see these things clearly, and to act accordingly...why do you think the success rate is so abismally low? Because we tend to take the easy way out, and give up. The gate is narrow...that is more than Biblical imagery...it is a very concrete fact for you now...not mere symbology.<P>Listen to the doubters, and you will fail...miserably, and it will take a long time, much of your energy, and all of your remaining self-image...the tendency to keep it more of the same will dominate if you allow it to. He will continue to respond 'just like you knew he would'. It sad, but this thread represents to me, a bad place for you to go if you let it dominate your thinking.<P>IMHO -Mike<p>[This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited July 19, 2001).]