Insecurities from Dv:
1) Not having a man in my life. Even though my XH and I were apart 50% of the time (so I'm used to living alone), I always knew he was there somewhere in the world for me. In some sense, my life was defined by my M. And I really like being married and knowing there's someone there. My first reaction after the Dv was to rush out into another R. Big mistake! Now I'm learning to let other things fill that spot my H used to fill. I have so many close friends, numerous hobbies, sports - these things aren't a substitute for what I've lost, but they can come close if I let them.
2) I'm OLD !!!! 45 years old is a terrible place to be for a woman living alone in Beijing. There are lots and lots of 20- and 30-somethings here in this city. And since I still am wanting a R, and since all the 40+ men are out chasing 20-something Chinese women, I'm stuck with the under-40 crowd of single men. How do I deal with this? Two ways. First of all, I honestly wouldn't want to be younger than I am - I like being older, wiser, more mature, more experienced. Older people are more interesting. And it's true that women's sexual lives start after 35! [Big Grin] So I've developed a confidence in myself based on my advanced age. Still, gotta admit that the looks are going - sags and bags and wrinkles, ugh. Haven't figured out how to have a positive attitude about THAT yet.

One security that's come out of my Dv:
1) My XH made me feel very unattractive & insecure of myself as a woman before the Dv. Having these 20-something's hitting on me - and even starting R's with some of them - has done wonders for my ego. That's been the biggest help for me in coping with Item #2 above.

Llama, you said:
quote:
I get constant reminders now in my everday life that I still need to be working on me. Does that make sense?
You bet! I thought that once my Dv was final that I could toss out MB & all the wonderful things I'd learned - specifically about working on myself. Not so! I'm starting to realize now, after several months, that I need to continue working on me and stop looking outside myself for validation.