Sad Dad's post about trust reminded me of something I realized a few months back:

It isn't that I can't trust a new woman in my life...it's that I can't trust ME!

How's that for an issue? [Roll Eyes]

See, here's the thing: When I met my XW, it was very nearly "love at first sight." I just knew from early on in the relationship that she was the one I just had to be with forever.

Falling in love with her was the easiest thing in the world. Moving in with her seemed like a great idea, and before you knew it, we were shopping for rings, engaged, and then married. Everything seemed so right.

Nowadays, I can't believe that I could have been so wrong about something! I trusted my feelings, and my feelings (as well as my XW) betrayed me in the worst way. I'm not gun-shy about trusting another woman, but I'm deathly afraid of trusting my own feelings again.

I'm having some of those feelings again with the woman I'm dating. I feel like I did in the early stages with my XW...this woman is downright wonderful, and I could very easily fall for her...perhaps even harder than I fell for the EX.

Yet when those feelings come up, I find I'm second-guessing myself. Is that weird? It is like a voice inside my head saying "remember the LAST TIME you felt this way? Do you really want to go through THAT again?"

I haven't figured out how to handle this one yet, but I guess its just another step on the long road to becoming a whole person again...

[ January 17, 2003, 01:01 AM: Message edited by: cjack ]