I guess I'd have to add that I am afraid of trust issues as well.

B/c of FOO issues (abusive father, etc.), I had trust issues with men in general, and my xH unfortunately had to take the brunt of my insecurity. He was totally trustworthy, but I didn't trust that he wouldn't stop loving me one day, so I kept him at arm's length. Always.

Essentially, he got tired of it and finally withdrew himself. Thus began the demise of our M. [Teary] See.....not totally his fault.

Sooo, my issues with myself go all the way back to how I acted toward my DH all during our M, and would I NOT do that again?

Plus, I am also *old*, and not looking forward to being alone. What if I become infirmed, and not able to care for myself, or work to support myself? Who would be there to help? I have no children. That is one of the worst fears.

As far as dating again, looking for "another" H, I am not. I am believing God that in His perfect plan, M is forever, and that one day He may reconcile us if H returns to Him and repents. But how long before that happens? If ever? I have no clue, so meanwhile, I wrestle with the issues I outlined above.