Ok, not divorced yet, but been trying to be for 2 years and more.
When stbx first left, I was devastated! I had all the horrible thoughts of being alone, etc that have been mentioned before. So I dated after 6 months, the first a 28 year old. That was kind of exciting, it did much for a 38 year old ego. Only went once, the guy was TOO young.
Then saw a few guys who to this day are still friends.
I took a lot of time off from dating while I repaired the damage of an abusive marriage, and just now am thinking about it again. It's funny, I worked through all of the insecurities... so I'm 40. I look pretty darn good for a 40 year old (yes, I have some wrinkles and gravity is begining to take a toll and I am carrying some extra weight around), but that just proves that I haved LIVED!!
If someone is so superficial that they can't accept me for being me, then what would I want to be in a relationship with that person for?
I'm learning to speak my mind, for what I think and feel is right. I'm learning to accept that I am an asset and shouldn't be treated like a liability.
You know, I am pretty happy now. Yes, I sometimes get stressed and worried, but that is life, too. I'm going to be all right, and maybe someday, I'll find that one special guy who will be there into old age, a true companion. In the meantime, I've got me to work on, the kids to raise, the animals for my entertainment and companionship, and a career that is growing and giving me opportunity that I would never have had while married to the control freak.
I've learned that I *CAN* do everything I need to. There are buttons... have anxiety attacks if I fill out a credit application, worry about the kids, etc. What is that old saying, "time heals all wounds"? I think it is because in time, humans have a way of making things work out, which may be different (both ways and length of time) for each person. The insecurities are there, but by growing within ourselves, we no longer attach the same power over them. I think we all have to learn to live with what makes our own selves happy, then we can realize that a "mate" is a complement to ourselves who is also independent of us.
Keep your chins up, cause we're all on the right road for self knowledge and acceptance, and when we reach it... the insecurities will be the stepping stones of what made us who we are. Best of all, they will be behind us.