These are really scary issues!

bangarra: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, not divorced yet, but been trying to be for 2 years and more.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I totally relate to this!

llama: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Quite frankly, the day before his d day - I was prepared to file for divorce. After months of therapy, him taking medication for his intense anxiety, constant fighting, etc. I had just HAD it.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">STBXH had started drinking and using drugs again about a year before d day and had been severely verbally abusing me for about 4 months. We'd been to MC. In fact, he said he was leaving and, with relief, I said, "Go!" But, when I found out, almost immediately, that he'd moved in with a young woman who worked for our company, a recently married 21 year old woman with a young daughter, the whole situation changed, and I was devastated. I fought, unsuccessfully, for two years to get him back... they're still together (not working and getting high)even though she's the one he's abusing now.

cjack: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nowadays, I can't believe that I could have been so wrong about something! I trusted my feelings, and my feelings (as well as my XW) betrayed me in the worst way. I'm not gun-shy about trusting another woman, but I'm deathly afraid of trusting my own feelings again.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is my WORST fear! I'm dating a man right now. A really nice, considerate man. I trust him, he's been totally honest with me. But, I don't trust myself, my judgement, at all!

Nina too: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The exact same thing here. How can I trust myself to judge someone as honest and trustworthy and faithful when I THOUGHT I already had that, and got cheated on through my married life?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I found out my STBXH had been cheating on me throughout our whole life together... and I never knew. I never even knew that for the first 8 years we were together that he was a heroin addict!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">1. Am I worthy?
2. Am I pretty enough?
3. Am I accepting enough?
4. Am I too old?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm 51 so I totally understand how you feel! And my H left me for a real dog! a much, much younger dog...a puppy?(no, they're cute!) But, I got asked out by a 25 y.o., a 35 y.o. told me he'd ask me out if he wasn't married, a 37ish guy wanted to ask me out, but I was already dating a 43 y.o. man. I hadn't looked at another man in 20 years and really never thought I'd date again. I still have a hard time believing he really likes me, even though I'm not sure how much I like him either. Ah, dating...

broken X 3: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">well, if no one ever loves me again, (and I too feel like almost 50 is pushing it, although the Oil of Olay has done wonders!!) at least I had the love of my life at one time...even if he did turn out to be a lying cheating sack of **** </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I also felt that my STBXH was the love of my life, and your description fits him perfectly! I think we're lucky to have loved, I think it's even better than being loved. But, don't give up now! Yes we're "old" and the statistics are against us, but, as a 58 y.o. woman friend of mine pointed out, we still look good to older men (and she's dating a 54 y.o.). So, stick with the Oil of Old Lady (as the kids call it)!