Hi to all of you,
I usually ask questions in "Recovery" but I thought this might be the right place to ask this.<p>I would be interested how you found out about your partners affair. This is for my personal research.<p>I found proof on my H's A through his cell phone bill. The number of OW was listed more than often and the calls they had were long...........<p>He denied at first (5 min) just saying they were friends and they enjoyed talking. But they were talking for over $100 a month and this of course didn't make sense. (not even to him [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>hugs
BB

For me,<p>Rumors were flying at work. A collegue finally confronted me and told me that my wife and OM, whom I work with, were telling people that they were together sexually, to spite OM wife. It was a sick circle.<p>Nevertheless, I confronted my wife with this news and she denied at first, for few seconds, and then said that it was true. That is where my nightmare turned to reality.

bluerodeoboy, (I like your name [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>
That is where my nightmare turned to reality. <p>Very true, knowing that it is true trns this into a nightmare. But after us being in great recovery for quit awhile, it does become better.<p>Strange thing though is that my H does not remember the first few days after D-D. I remember everything in detail and when I told him he is totally shocked, he cannot remember!!!!
Does your wife remember the day she told you the truth???
BB

Doc confessed to his A the day he found out the XOW was pregnant. He had ended it a month prior and thought I'd never find out.Now if it weren't for continued contact at their workplace....<p>she miscarried btw..

blondblossom,<p>As far as my wife is concerned I think she has tried to forget most of the affair. I think memories are remembered more vividly by those who are hurt with the facts rather than those doing the hurting.<p>My wife was in the "fog". We have moved on and don't really dwell on the dreadful past. I doubt she'd remember exact details of the day I found out the truth. Whereas I can remember it exactly. In the far past I have asked questions about the affair and she always answered the questions with some details or tell me she couldn't remember. I always wondered if she actually really knew all the details and was just sparing me with them, or she was reluctant to give them out because it would always start a fight or a crying session on my part.<p>I don't really care about the details now. Sometimes I still wonder but what sense is there in asking? Why relive the past when we're supposed to be moving forward? I just assume that they did everything. The fact is she remained with me. I know she loves me and that I love her even more now.

I "knew" the entire time by gut instinct I guess...even knew who, how, etc. I found out for sure on december 26th when it was 10pm and I couldn't get a hold of my WH and he was off of work by 7ish. I called a friend of his, he played stupid, then his wife called me and said that she thought H was fooling around with someone at work. Confronted H with info and he didn't deny, though it took him a few minutes to admit it was PA.<p>[ May 23, 2002: Message edited by: WeR trying ]</p>

I knew something was very wrong in Dec of 2000. In Jan 2001, I found an email in her sent folder to her "old" friends stateing that she was no longer in love with me and was only staying w/ me because of the kids. I "knew" right then, but could not prove it to myself.<p>The proof came in March after we had been seperated for 2 months. This is kinda weird and I still would like to be hypnotised or something to find out whether it was a "vision" or if what I realised that day really happened. <p>I picked up the kids from her that afternoon, like every day since we moved out. She picked up the kids from school(sometimes), I picked them up from her an hour later and they lived with me the rest of the time. Anyway, that one day in March, I left her("our") house going a different route than normal. As I was pulling off her street, it hit me... like a ton of bricks. For some reason going that different route triggered somthing inside of me... I remembered coming home many times before and passing a guy walking down my street wearing the same resturant uniform as my W. I remember thinking when I first saw him... "Is that the guy my W is sleeping with? No that couldn't be him, he's WAY too ugly. What a loser redneck dork, she has better taste than that..." I remember the weird look he always gave me... it was the same look he gave me when I did see him in the resturant one day. I'll never forget that look...<p>I still don't know for sure if that was him walking down that street. ex-W(soon to be wife again) always denied that that was him walking, but now she says she doesn't know if it was him. He could have walked there or driven... they worked 2 blocks from our house so anything was possible.<p>Anyway, after telling her I knew for sure and there was nothing she could say to talk her way out of it, she admitted that it was indeed going on.

Knew something was wrong end of April, 2001. <p>After he left 5/14/01, I didn't think an A was possible, so I didn't snoop much. About a week later, I began to snoop a little more - looking at credit card charges, etc. <p>The main clue was he went out of town on 5/25/01 - took a rental car - so I went to HIS car to get something out of it. I decided to snoop because his wedding ring was sitting right there in the cup holder. I found a love note from the OW in his briefcase. I was devastated [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Then, [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] , his hotel reservation came to his old e-mail account, so I knew where he was. I called him and scared the poo-poo out of him. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] He denied anyone was with him. He came home on 5/29 and confessed.<p>[ May 23, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

I found emails from OW. Someone had asked for an electronic picture and I rememberd he had sent me one. Instead of asking for him to send it again, I went into his emails.
I had never gone into his email account before but, for some strange reason, I did it this time.<p>Something is in the Cosmos told me to do it.

I had no earthly clue. He came home one day and started packing. Of course, the first thing I asked was there someone else? He said yes.<p>You could have knocked me over with a breath!

I noticed H and my (then) best friend being a little too familiar here and there. I asked both of them repeatedly if something was going on, they both kept denying. I felt like I was going crazy. Finally one night I started going through things on the computer, found little clues. Called H who was in her city with her and her H to go to a concert, asked him to explain what I found. He lied and said he didn't know what I was talking about. I asked her, she made up some story that I bought initially. I apologized to both of them. <p>Later that evening, it kept bugging me, so I looked some more. Found a book she'd given him that I hadn't seen. Called again, more lies and denial. Found more stuff on the computer, which couldn't be explained away. H winds up driving home at 3am, tells me that all they did was talk about how they felt about each other, how "on another planet" (where their spouses didn't exist) they might have a relationship, but they knew they never could because they both loved their spouses. He claimed the only physicality was hugging and some kisses on the neck.<p> [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

Lets see, this realy hurts but I'll try to do my best.<p>When WW asked for separation, I asked if there was anyone else. Her answer no.<p>One week later, I found directions to her boss's house in the car. She said she had never been there and he was only describing where he lived.<p>One week later, found her at his place. She refused to talk about it.<p>One week later condoms, etc in her purse. She stated that she was not ready to talk about it, but finaly admitted to "having feelings for him".<p>WW is still calling and meeting OM while living in the same house with me. She still will not talk about it or anything of significance. I am happy to say I have not lost my mind yet (although this is hard to believe).

Hi blondblossom,<p>Yahoo was suddenly on our computer. It seemed to be popping up everywhere. I was very rarely on the computer and I asked my H why this was on. He replied he was using it for the financial info. I believed him. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>A week or so later I found his user name (didn't know at the time what a user name was) on a piece of paper. My gut was telling me something wasn't right, so I got in by changing his password. At that point my world fell apart. Never though it was an affair - "blind trust." Found e-mails, pictures, and greeting cards sent. <p>Second time I tried to change the password, but this time he was smarter and didn't use his true info. So I got spector. Caught him again. <p>I'm actually pretty impressed with how well I got around the computer. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Had hardly been on it before that.<p>H&S

XOW's H called me

Same old story as many of you,<p>WW said she wanted a seperation, loved me but not in love, said there was not OM<p>OM calles, she says she is talking to her sister, but I here a mans voice.<p>She finally tells me.<p>Whole story here:<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=018046<p>[ May 23, 2002: Message edited by: StillCan'tBelieveIt ]</p>

I had no clue (hence my "handle" here)
Wife confessed 6 months after PA was over.<p>I do recall questioning her about how much time she was spending at OM house last year and she played word games with me, like, "Is OM your boyfriend?", response, "Is that what you think?"<p>She answered questions with questions, so she feels she never outright lied to me on a direct question. Great. So what was I supposed to say? Are you f**king OM? Are you naked with OM? Are you kissing OM? I guess I should've pushed it more but I honestly trusted her so much I truly thought it wasn't a possibility! I was so wrong!<p>If she never confessed, I don't think I would have ever given last year a second thought. I took her at face value. Never again!

Blind Sided:<p>Your story made me think of the very few times that she would insist on going shopping alone. Said she didn't like to be rushed, and by herself she could go at her own pace. I saw logic in that.<p>But what is ironic, is I used to tell her jokingly "Yea, I know...You wanna see your boyfriend". And I had no idea how right I was.<p>Looking at things now, I believe (don't know for sure) that when I went from 24/7 to a normal 7 am - 3 pm job with no weekend work, their rendevous came fewer and farther between. Sort of put a "damper" on things. I really think the OM started complaining about the frequency dwindling to once every month at best, and that is what prompted her to leave me.<p>The big "snag" came when my gut feeling said something wasn't right. I found out. I called the OMW. Things got real heavy then. Caught 'em off guard.<p>But the best one (at least so I'm told)is when I took a drive by his house, just for the heck of it, with nothing in mind, really, and he happened to be outside with his W and D. I noticed he got them in the house very quickly.<p>He called the WW the next day, and told her about it. She called me and told me that I could quit "stalking" OM. I told her I did not "stalk" him, and she replied that they were over and done, and they were out of each others lives forever. (Confidential conversations to me said it scared the heck out of him, because of concern for his family).<p>I told her that I am glad she is over with him, even if we can't repair our marriage. She asked what I meant by that, and I told her that if the OM didn't think there were risks associated with fooling around with another man's wife, he was one card short of a full deck....Duh.....and she deserved smarter....I thought that was hillarious, that she and the OM thought that there would in no way possible be any repercussions. Heck...there are many men (and women) in jail and graves for that. But I myself wouldn't even consider that route.<p>Sort of a "Recreational Hazard", don't ya think?<p>
HCII

I found cards from the former OW in a box of old bills and receipts. H emphatically denied it for months until finally admitting to an EA (although he won't call it that) after I filed for legal separation and had him removed from our house. The A had ended almost a year prior to my finding out.

Gut. I just felt something was very wrong.<p>I'd been traveling Mon-Fri for over a year, then was laid off. After a few days at home, I KNEW something was very, very wrong. Can't quite put my finger on it, just a "feeling".<p>So I checked her cell vmail and there was a message from someone strange...I asked about it, she denied anything, then said it was an old friend.<p>I then went thru all her stuff...found emails, letters, cards, photos, everything....the most she has ever admitted to was to "starting to fall in love", then "ended that, but continued to be in touch", and she's now insisting "it's over" although I have proof of her continued contact.<p>Patience, dear lord, please give me patience!!

My wife and om worked together and I was really
concerned about how much she talked of him and he was always helping her out, etc. She was pregnant with our son and at the hospital after she had him om called and stuff like that,took her home from hospital. I was going crazy.

About 6 months later a friend of mine caught his wife in an affair by using a scanner and listening to her and om so I borrowed it and wife was in the bathroom on a cordless phone for about 2 hours, him telling her how he could take care of her and my children, how he wished it was his baby. I was devastated and furious but didn't confront her that night. Next day I told her I knew and she cried and said she was sorry and confused, it pretty much sucked. We finally started recovering about 2 months later. The affair was maybe 14 15 months.

Ten years later my wife put a program on our pc
to track the kids, well thats what she told me,
she read many emails to and from ow and I sent ow an email ending it but unsent it later. I learned to be very careful and sneaky and continued the a , it lasted over 2 years.