Thank you so much Jo! What kind of evidence did you bring? I don't have anything but my word. Should I bring my OD for her testimony? She is 21 and was smack in the middle of the turmoil Fri night. I hope my friend can come with me. I am going to call her right now. She said this morning she might be able to go but I haven't heard from her. Thanks for the encouragement and the faith in me Jo. It means a lot and it certainly helps me!!
BH

BH,<p>Just remember, if your friend can't go with you, we'll all be with you. I hope you do take your 21 year old daughter. I think it will lend credibility to your story to have 2 witnesses there.

I had 4 tapes FULL of OW's verbal abuse from our answering machine. She wasn't very smart was she?<p>YES! Absolutely take your daughter. As Melody has said, her testimony lends more credibility to your complaints. <p>Tonight write down in an outline format the events that occured prioritized by dates and times. Be as accurate as possible. Show them to your daughter, then modify them based on her input. You two should be in complete agreement regarding what transpired. <p>Your word alone is enough to file the RO or AHO, BH. But having your daughter coo berate your story will make the order for protection more compelling to the courts.<p>You'll be fine, Hon. We'll be there with you in sprirt.<p>Jo<p>[ May 27, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

broken hearted,
I do know what it is like to lose a father to lung cancer as my father died from this as well when I was 12.
Your daughter going with you is a good Idea as well, I would guess all your children should be named in this protection order since your daughter was assulted as well.
I would think about it. They dont need around that type of destruction any way. <p> I usually post on the preg/child forum.. but after all these years I became a ws something I detested funny how you think you are above all that and one day BAM
We are in recovery but we have so much to do to be whole again. I work hard every day on those issues, we also have the added fact that I have a little girl from xom and sometimes the issues surrounding that can be a trial in itself. But I also work hard to get along and work together with my husband and xom and his wife for the good of my daughter. Not a perfect world. but it is mine. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]
I however was not a crazy woman....lol just consider my self a person with seriously bad judgement and a in a comma for a few years.
I am glad it is over and do wish I didnt have to look at him all the time, but we manage.
oh and my baby is the sweetest little thing you have ever seen. I may be a little predjudiced. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
are your nerves a little calmer now!? Did any one stay home with you this evening!? Got fido!?

Hi Melody,
Well, my daughter doesn't want to go, so I guess that ends that. I do not want to make her feel like she has to. I also just talked to one of my friends who is going to come with me. She is very rational and will keep me strong. Thanks for making me feel so cared for! I will know that you are all with me tomorrow!
BH

Hi Mom,
Wow, you are an amazing woman! You have been through a lot and have risen above it. It must be a challenge for you every day, but it does seem like you are a strong, caring, wife and mother and that will help you to get through the challenges you face daily. My hats off to you Mom!
My son is home with me now. My OD and her friend were here most of the night too. Samantha (my dog) is here too. She isn't too much protection from Julie though. Samantha loves Julie and probably would go up to her wagging her tail and licking her all over! some watch dog huh!! Oh well, at least she will bark until she knows it is Julie. Thanks for sharing your story with me Mom. I am so happy your recovery is going well!
BH

Just wanted to let you know that he is over there right now! didn't take long.
BH

Ughhh! He is being such a SCHMUCK! <sorry><p>The fog rolls in and the fog rolls out. I know this hurts BH .. I'm sorry. <p>Do your best to keep expectations low to nil, okay? You know this doesn't change anything for you, you are on a path to becoming a better you, they are on a path that leads nowhere.<p>You see why the Harley's refer to the A as an addiction, no matter how bad it is for them, they keep coming back. <p>Like BR (Rosie) has said so many times before .... Change happens only when the pain of staying the same out weighs the pain of changing.<p>You have a big day of boundary setting ahead of you tomorrow, BH. Try and get some good sleep and know what you have seen the last 3 days is where they are headed again soon, just to the 10th power.<p>Lv,
Jo<p>[ May 27, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Why don't you ask your OD to write her account of the incident, step-by-step. Ask her to record the time and date of the "deposition" and sign it. That way you have a witness' account not just your word. Is it possible OD is afraid to speak out about something that might hurt her D?<p>Personally, I think the judge will be amazed by your story, and you won't have any trouble getting the order.<p>Take care,
Estes

Thanks guys. I can't even think straight right now. I am so upset and OD is so angry. She was supposed to go live with her dad in his new house. If they are back together, there is no way she will do that. She came home a little while ago to see his van parked up the street. I really thought she was going to go over there! I had to talk her out of it. I feel so horrible for her. She was so excited. What a mess! I am going to go to bed soon. I know I couldn't sleep yet.
BH

I used to use sleep as medicine if I fell asleep fast my problems were gone till i woke up. <p> Never know why he is there, But I think a nice book to take your mind off mess and will help to fall asleep.
BE strong tomorrow.. you will be just fine.
night

Awwwwe, BH.<p>I'm sorry sweetie. Try and calm your daughter. <p>It's so terrible, your H is clueless when it comes to what he's doing to his kids. They are going to loose all respect for him. <p>Please try and step back from all of this, get your bearings again. If you recover quickly from your H being over there, hopefully your kids will follow your lead and do the same.<p>God Bless you, Hon.
Jo<p>[ May 27, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Mom and Jo,
I will try to be strong tomorrow and I am going to try to go to sleep now. Hopefully, my daughter will calm down. She has two of her friends over to help her. I talked to her a little bit and even tried to warn her earlier today that this was a possibility. I am afraid that she will never be able to forgive him for this (if they do get back together). Well, I will let you all know how it goes tomorrow.
I don't know what to say to let you all know how much it means to me to have your support and advice through all of this. You all mean so much to me and I just want to thank you for being there for me this weekend.
BH

Gosh,
WS sounds as selfish as ever, still... He knew you wouldn't turn him away, huh? But the nerve of this person barging into your house making demands and pushing your kids around! OMG! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'm sure you have realized that helping him is more like enabling him to keep hurting you. ESPECIALLY when he is drinking. <p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8110_cod.html<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
When an alcoholic is married to a loving and caring spouse, the spouse's love and care is sucked in like a black hole. It drains the caring spouse of everything they have, leaving him or her not only exhausted, but also having failed to meet their sick spouse's needs. In these cases, the non-alcoholic spouse must emotionally detach themselves or becomes emotionally destroyed...<hr></blockquote><p>Then, there is a questionnaire to see if we are dealing with co-dependency issues... Check it out... Here are a few of the answers for someone who might be with an alcoholic spouse...
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
1.If the "important" person is an alcoholic, what they expect is often totally unrealistic and should not be done. Their addiction causes them to suffer very negative consequences, and they expect their spouses to shield them from those consequences. It can't, and shouldn't be done. If <p>2.Anyone living with an alcoholic is going to be irritable and unpleasant. It can't be avoided, because the environment is so incredibly sick.<p>3.If you deny an alcoholic's unrealistic request, he or she will become angry. So it's impossible to avoid their anger.<p>4.You can't keep an alcoholic happy, because their emotional needs are sacrificed for whatever it takes to get their next drink.<hr></blockquote><p>In other words, your WS's request to stay with you due to a drunken fight with his OW was totally unreasonable and your inability to tell him NO--that he should suffer his own consequences of moving over there, has caused YOU to pay a price while he runs back to his OW.<p>Please find the courage to say NO and keep saying NO until this psycho woman is out of your hair!<p>I would also either unplug the telephone or change the number outright, even tho it is only 3 weeks to go. The phone company will change it for FREE if you mention that you are receiving harrassing calls.<p>Good luck in school and court today, brokenhearted, this cannot be easy for you, but worth going through all the hassles. They sound like two peas in a pod. I'm wondering why you are the one protecting your kids instead of your H? Well, obviously, he is not thinking clearly... I'm so sorry!!! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi guys,
Just a quick note to let you know the court would not give me a r.o. or aho because of her being a neighbor. I have to contact my attorney today and see if he wants to proceed with an order regarding the harrassing phone calls. That will take three weeks to even get a court date! I feel deflated, and defeated. Maybe my attorney will have some different advice, we'll see.
BH

Not even a RO, because she is a neighbor? Why? <p>Your attorney should be able to facilitate some sort of immediate order of protection for you. Don't give up here, BH. <p>Did you go to the school? Can you fill us in on that?<p>Jo

Man alive! I go awol for a few days, and all hell breaks loose. Sorry I wasn't here for you bh, but it looks like you have plenty of awesome support. <p>The lawyer should be able to figure out something you can do to keep her out of your hair, she sounds really creepy.<p>Eager to hear what happened with school. Forgot who said it, but they are right about not keeping anything from school. The only way they can take care of the kids is if they know the whole story. I found it really helpful that I have been open with school about our family garbage.<p>I wish you didn't have to go through this crapola. <p>E

Bumped for a response from BH.<p>Jo

BH,<p>I am sorry but I must have missed something, the court will NOT give you a RO because she IS a neighbor? What will they give U? What does the police recommend? <p>Gotta find more options here. Something just doesn't sound right. <p>I forget BH, what state and county are you in? If you don't mind giving that info out maybe others either in that area or outside can be resourceful and see if there are any other options. <p>Arrrrgh.... [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Well don't most RO mention a prescribed distance that must be kept between the parties at all times? Something like "must stay 400 yards away". I suppose that if the houses are right next to each other ... then the RO wording would be silly, saying something like, "Must stay 20 feet away". Perhaps that is why ther RO would not be effective. I think a neighbor unlawfully trespassing on one's property is an entirely different matter. Find out from your attorney what the law says about unlawful entry onto someone's property.<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ May 28, 2002: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</p>