OK, I'm going to be the assertive BS here.<p>I'll be there at 12 or 12:15.<p>And since we got this whole Taixas thang' goin', I dug this here up from somewhere:<p>Texas Humor<p>Evacuation
In case of a hurricane in the Houston area, the following evacuation routes are to be taken:
Hispanics use I-10 West to San Antonio
Cajuns use I-10 East to Lafayette
Rednecks use U.S. 59 to Arkansas
Yankees use I-45 North to Oklahoma
Longhorns use 290 Northwest to Austin
Aggies use 610 Loop <p>How to Speak Texan<p>The White House did not just get a new team, but a whole new language.
George W. Bush brought with him many friends from Texas, and for anyone not born in the Lone Star State, this Texan accent and the cowboy colloquialisms can seem a bit strange.
Here is a guide to a few of the more colorful expressions you may encounter: <p>"The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving"
... Not overly intelligent. <p>"As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party"
... (self-explanatory). <p>"Tighter than bark on a tree"
... Not very generous. <p>"Big hat, no cattle"
... All talk and no action. <p>"We've howdied but we ain't shook yet"
... We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced. <p>"He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow"
... He has a pretty high opinion of himself. <p>"She's got tongue enough for ten rows of teeth"
... That woman can talk. <p>"It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs"
... We really could use a little rain around here. <p>"Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly"
... Appearances can be deceptive. <p>"This ain't my first rodeo"
... I've been around awhile. <p>"He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch"
... Not the most handsome of men. <p>"They ate supper before they said grace"
... Living in sin. <p>"Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope"
... Stop arguing and do as you're told. <p>"As full of wind as a corn-eating horse"
... prone to boasting. <p>"You can put your boots in the oven, but that doesn't make them biscuits"
... You can say whatever you want about something, but that doesn't change what it is. <p>How to Speak Texan-<p>Ah: the person speaking or writing, "Ah am a Texan, and Ah speak Ainglish.
Ainglish: the language spoken in the U.S., "It's easy to git around Fort Worth, everbody speaks Ainglish."
All: petroleum, "How many all wayals do yawl own podner?"
Are: 60 minutes.
Ast [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] ast tense of ask, "Ah ast everybody, and they said this is the biggest round-up ever."
Banes: kidney-shaped seed "This chili shore is loaded with banes.
Beggar: larger "Everthin' is beggar in Texas!"
Cards: afraid "Fightn' outlaws & injuns isn't for cards."
Cheer: at or in this place, "Ah'll wait right cheer, if'n you won't be too long."
Doll: to call on the telephone, "Jes doll room service fer nearly enythin."
Fate: plural of foot, "Mah fate kayant take all this walkin'
Mere: what you see yorself in
Minners: live bait
Mizrus: a married woman
Nack: yore haid sets on it
Nar: opposite of wide
Nup: no
Ormy: what the sojers are in
Orrel: them hinges need orrel
Pank: a light red collar (color)
Poke salit: vegetable
Puppet: what a preacher is in
Purdy: she's as purdy as a pitcher
Rah cheer: i was borned rah cheer in this town
Rang: you war it on your fanger
Rat: do it rat now
Roont: she plum roont her shoes
Salary: a white stringy vegetable
Shar: a light rain
Shurf: the shurf put joe bob in jail
Sofy: you set on it (also die-van)
Sour deans: small canned fish
Sprang: water out of the ground
Strang: twine
Phrasing: extremely cold, "We usually have a few phrasing days in January."
Prod: highly pleased, "Ah shore am prod to be a Texan."
Riot: opposite of left, "Turn riot at the corner."
Slave: the part of the garment that covers the arm, "Yawl jus spilt yore drank on mah slave."
Seed: past tense of see, "Ah seed it with mah own eyes."
Tar: his core blew two tars [censored]: plum tuckered out, "Punchin' cattle shore makes me [censored]."
Thanks: he thanks he's smart
Thow: thow me the ball
Turd floater: a heavy rain
Turpin: a land turtle
War: as in bobbed war fance
Worsh: go worsh yore face
Yurp: a continent overseas
