I copied this from pregnancy board. My thread was locked - unsure why. Everyone that responded was nice and helpful thus far. A poster from another board that posts here also stated some confusion was going on this weekend and perhaps that was why it was locked. She suggested I move thread to general. I only moved my posts.<p>Hi all. First let me thank all in advance for any valid responses I receive. I would also like to change my displayed name (seems insensitive - however, when I chose it I wanted to be upfront about the circumstances I was in), but am unsure how to do so. The title no longer applies. Also let me be upfront in stating I post at another site as femalesargeant. I am seeking advice from the BS point of view.
Brief recap: I began seeing MM#1 in October of 2000. MM#1 got married in 8/00. At first, I did not know he was married. We worked together. I continued to see him after I knew. We spent a lot of time together. After a while I became frustrated and began seeing MM#2. I did know he was married. These were my only 2 EMR and I will never engage in this type relationship again. It is too painful for all involved. I ultimately quit seeing MM#2 and went into NC w/ MM#1. MM#1 has since left M, D is in process, and we have been staying together full-time since the end of March. We signed a lease together on new house on 04/12/02.<p>Living w/ MM#1 thus far has been GREAT. We always had lots in common. For the last year and a half he has played a major role in the life of my kids. Now he does so on a full-time, live-in basis. I have a 14-year-old son and an 8-year-old daughter. MM is an assistant coach on my D's softball team. He has hepled my son get his first job and works out with him. We go to church. We cookout. We have fun. <p>Since I lost my job due to the outing of our relationship (no big deal as they are still paying me 60$ of my salary and will continue to do so for 10 months) he is helping me get my home daycare off the ground. We have had the state local family and children services to our home to conduct a home study - passed w/ flying colors. His 5-year-old nephew is now living
here for the summer. I am now licensed to keep kids in our home. I have a BSCJ, am a former LPN (just never too boards when moved to this state), and am CPR certified. My point is this - I am not ignorant. <p>MM and W have a D who will turn 1 in Aug - we share same bday. MM's W and I used to work together. We always got along, but were never friends per say. MM also has a son from a prior relationship. We live in Ga and for 2 kids the CS guidelines state he has to surrender 28% of income. <p>An emergency hearing in re visitation is set up for the end of June. Since he left MM has been providing more support than required as well as giving an additional sum for her to pay the sitter. MM works 40 hours 7 a.m. - 7 p.m. Sun - Tues and 6 hours on Wed. MM's W works 3rd shift 11p.m. - 7 a.m. We found out a little over 2 weeks ago that she had not been sending D to babysitter but instead has been letting her 14-year-old D (not his) watch baby. The same 14-year-old who has on 2 occassions snuck boys in the house. <p>I realize MM and I were wrong and very selfish to have the EMR. We are now trying to rectify the situation as best we can. I feel we have been very fair w/ W. I have even had her over so she could see the provisions we have made for D in our home - toys, clothes, crib - the works. <p>She stated to me on more than 1 occassion that MM made her hurt and thus she wants him to know what it feels like. MM as I have stated is off every hour that she works. He always kept D when he was living in the marital home. W allows him to see D, however she only wants him to do so at her home. Thus far we have not pushed the issue, however that is what the hearing is scheduled for.<p>I understand she is angry and has a right to be. However, isn't there a point where you let go of the anger, or at least set it aside to do what is best for the daughter. Surely anyone would have to agree that 2 adults (1 of which is bio-dad) in a home that has been inspected by the state DFCS where a nurse that is infant CPR certified would be a better choice to care for the D than a rebellious 14-year-old D during graveyard hours. An emergency can happen at any time.<p>Our attorney has assured us when this goes to court we will win this issue hands down. However, I feel it is sad it has to come to this.<p>If you were the BS in a similliar situation would you act in the same manner? Is there anything that can rectify this besides time? Any advice appreciated. Thank you. fs <p>CMiranda,
Thx for the kind words. Yes, I believe pain is pain regardless of one's label. I know she and I never will be friends, nor is that what I am after. I just wish we could come to an amicable resolution w/out having to involve the courts on every dilemma. Maybe in time...fs <p>Tigger,
Unfortunately it does seem we will have to wait for the judge to Order the arrangement. We even offered her a deal - let us keep D while she works and he will seek liberal visitation only and not joint custody. She has yet to give in thus he is pursuing joint custody. In the hearing at the end of this month he is asking to have D from 2 p.m. Wed until Sun a.m. w/ the exception of her scheduled days off - WHICH DO ROTATE. I just wish we could resolve this between us. fs
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Pepper,
I guess I was curious from BS POV what would it take to soften your stance in the same situation. She and I have talked. As I stated she said it is not me. She stated that he hurt her and she wants him to hurt. She also stated that she is through accomodating him. She did ask me once that I stole her H was I going to steal her D too?
Yes, some may consider our home life to be immoral, but she states that is not her concern. She lived w/ someone prior to marrying her H. Also as I said we do intend to rectify that ASAP. However, if that was her concern - yes, it would be valid. Yes, a mother has a right and a duty to protect their children from that what they deem is immoral.<p>Visiatation is not really the issue. I know when we go to court we will get an order in our favor. I just wish we could resolve issues among ourselves - we are all adults. Her own atty has advised her that she will lose on this issue. She states she is through making his life easy and he will just have to wait till court.<p>For the WS that have had to deal w/ OW in re the children and have been successful at it - what helped put the pain of betrayal behind you in an effort to focus on the best interest of the children? We will all have to deal w/ one another for years to come - what's the harm in starting off on the right foot? fs <p>
Again, thxs for the kind words. Please don't think I am complaining. I really do want to just get along.
I also faield to mention that she (W) also has am OM. This OM visits her all the time at marital home and spends time w/ the D. MM has been very accepting of this. I am not here to slander her name, I just want us to work together to make this transition as smooth as possible for everyone.<p>nicole,
I am sorry for the pain you went through. However, you must admit there is a huge difference between a 3-year-old and a 6 month old (age D was when he moved out). MM did not move in w/ me directly - we thought about it long and hard. We decided it would be best. It also helps her - the W because w/out having to get his own place etc. he is able to give her the additional money we give her besides what is expected for CS.<p>I have always got along w/ the W. I just disagree w/ her position on this issue. I hope we can resolve this. I plan to spend my life w/ this man. I am a good person. I will treat her child well. Las night when I went shopping for my kids and his nephew I bought for their D as well - that is just me.<p>
Do you ever fear that he will leave you for another woman?<p>Anything is possible. I do not believe he is the serial cheater type of man though. All I can do is take it one day at a time. Trust naturally be an issue fr us due to our beginning - however, I refuse to allow doubt to steal the happiness away that I have found.<p>Do you ever feel guilty about being OW.? if not what are your rationalizations?<p>Of course I felt guoilty. If you ever visit the site I post on regurally you will see I wrestled w/ the guilt for over a year. I may be the OW, but I am a feeling, compassionate woman - who fell in love w/ another woman's H.<p>The odd thing is we talk (W and I). She stated she is no longer angry w/ me. In fact, she has thanked me. She states she is now happy. Yet, she still wishes to punish him. I guess that is only natural.<p>Are you really in love or are you just proud of the fact that "you won". <p>I have not "won" anything. Nor were she and I in a contest. Sometimes the wrong people marry one another for the right reasons. That is what happened to them. Trust me, my MM is no prize nor are we living a fairytale existance. Reading from other site will show I wasn't gung ho about this when we entered into said arrangement. I am now grateful I did do this. He does make me happy. He has always been a huge part of my D's life and she is also thrilled to pieces that he is here. fs <p>
catnip,
Gotta go - will respond when I get in. It is not to make our life easier though. Her D would be receiving better care in our hands than a 14 - year-old D who has already stated - very clearly -that she doesn't want to babysit every night. Why shoud a 14 year old D have to step into the shoes of an adult to embrace her (BS's) anger??? Plus the 14 yo is missing visitation w/ her out of state dad this summer to babysit - THAT IS WRONG. Got to take MM to MD will respond fully when I return. <p>By the way for the poster that suggested she is sleeping in his robe etc. Not likely. These 2 were married less than 2 years and they worked opposite shifts. Once the baby was born they didn't sleep in same room. He always used to tell me that - I never believed him till she confirmed this to me later - she had a daybed in the nursery.
<p>Anyway, if anyone has experienced a similiar situation or has any suggestions as to minimize her pain and assist in this transition period it will be greatly appreciated. Thx. fs

I might be able to clue you in on why your thread was locked. <p>I don't suppose you noticed that this is MARRIAGE Builders?<p>Are you building a marriage? <p>And these two quotes:
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I have not "won" anything. Nor were she and I in a contest. Sometimes the wrong people marry one another for the right reasons. That is what happened to them. <hr></blockquote><p>And...<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>He does make me happy. He has always been a huge part of my D's life and she is also thrilled to pieces that he is here.<hr></blockquote><p>Do you have ANY idea how it will make a BS feel to read this stuff? People are here WORKING ON THEIR MARRIAGES, most after infidelity. How cruel!<p>Oh, and by the way, I know you aren't looking for flames, and I guess you might feel that this was flaming. But I'll tell ya, this is just plain hurtful to many of our BS's. <p>If I'm out of line, I'm sure someone will be sure to let me know.<p>[ June 05, 2002: Message edited by: new_beginning ]</p>

My story is somewhat the same. My WH's A started 2 months after we were M. We have a 1 year old also. We have only been M 1 year.<p>Step back for a moment.........and read that again. <p>We were married 2 months + I was 9 months pregnant when A started. You tell me you wouldnt be uncooperative after what he has put THEM thru. Do you even think WH deserves to have his cake fed to him as well? Do you think WH and you were thinking of this sweet little babys best intrest when your A took place? Dont tell me you and WH didnt do things that took time away from this babys life. That tore her mothers heart out and left her to give all that she could to this little baby because her "DADDY" was busy getting busy with another woman(which is not her mommy). <p>This woman has every right to act this way. You should be thankful she hasnt acted worse. Youd be suprised what a person will do when their whole life has been ripped from them. And now you want the baby? The baby that she carried in her womb for 9 months. The baby she gave birth to. The baby that she gives all that she can with what she has left of her self.<p>You say your a mother? Why dont you put the shoe on the other foot and try to understand this womans pain? If you could, you would probably understand where she is comming from. When it comes to your very own, you will do anything to the one that has hurt them. You will protect your children and yourself. Isnt that what WH was doing? Thinking about himself?<p>In my case, I will do ANYTHING I have to to make sure OW never goes near my baby. ANYTHING. <p>Sorry if this sounded a bit harsh, you wanted some BS opinions. This is mine. And I will bet this is how your MM's W feels too.<p>You two have already taken so much from her. Try to be more understanding. Let her have her way with her child. At least WH can see her. She is still too young for you to be in her life. She will get attached to you. How painful is that to the mother? Give this a lot more time. Wait this out until she is ready. Honestly, no amount of money, or "being more than fair" could make up for this kind of pain. And for that, WH does not deserve to have things go smoothly for him. He will have to pay for what he has done for a very long time, and you may as well.<p>Find a place in your heart for her feelings.<p>p.s.
I hope you can understand my reply, I am soooo tired and about to pass out. Sorry.

I believe you have been around the block on the MB forum before, OW. May I respectfully suggest that this forum is not the appropriate place for you. This is MB, not AE (ADULTERY ENCOURAGEMENT).<p>No disrespect OW, but I was glad to read that you are no longer bringing turmoil into your former workplace.<p>It's nice that your MM and you are setting such a loving example for you children. It's really heartwarming that your D is thrilled to have your boyfriend living with you all full-time along with his nephew and sometimes his baby daughter. And I'm sure the other softball parents love the idea that your live-in lover is coaching their little girls too. It gives me a warm, cozy feeling that he is so thoughtful.<p>It's also nice to hear that you and your adulterous lover have a lot in common, besides the sex, I guess you mean. That always helps to hold a home together.<p>If I understand your last sentence, you want words of wisdom to assist your lover's wife deal with her pain during the divorce, is that correct? How very generous of you. It is wonderful to see how your compassion encompasses the woman whose husband you are living with. May I suggest that you ease her pain by getting out of her husband's life immediately and letting them settle their situation without you clouding the picture. <p>OW, fs, whomever, is this the affirmation that you seek. You are doing GREAT, and I am so very happy for the wholesome "family" you are building with someone else's husband.<p>Now really, OW, what do you expect from a marriage building site when you post something like this? Good grief! You don't want flames? Then quit fanning the fire!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I am a feeling, compassionate woman - who fell in love w/ another woman's H.
<hr></blockquote>
....and your point is?????<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Yes, some may consider our home life to be immoral... <hr></blockquote>
....It IS immoral, my dear.<p>What a convoluted mess you people have made for all those poor children. They don't have an icecube's chance in h*ll of knowing what a normal relationship is like. AND TO THINK THAT YOU HAD COMPLETE CONTROL OVER THIS AND STILL CHOSE THIS SENARIO FOR THEM!!!!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>My point is this - I am not ignorant.
<hr></blockquote><p>There is a big difference between intelligence and common sense, OW. <p>You ask for valid advice. The truth is that you have made such a mess of things by foolish choices that you are just going to have to deal with this quagmire the best you can if you won't get out of MM and MMBW's lives. Until you learn how to deal respectfully with yourself and others, your bewilderment will continue. <p>BTW, are you REALLY going to bring other people's children into this sick "home" you have created?<p>All this is very sad, OW, pathetically sad. I feel sorry for all of you. <p>No disrespect OW, just honesty, but let me repeat my second sentence, "May I respectfully suggest that this forum is not the appropriate place for you."<p>[ June 05, 2002: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</p>

I guess common sense wasn't all too common when it was handed out then, was it???????? I'm sorry, but DUUUH! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sheryl, I asked the poster the same Q's over on P/C... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by SOW22MM:
[QB
I also faield to mention that she (W) also has am OM. This OM visits her all the time at marital home and spends time w/ the D. MM has been very accepting of this. [/QB]<hr></blockquote><p>
Nothing to add really...just wanted to point this out in case it was overlooked.<p>What tangled webs we weave....

I don't know how many of you BS have been the OW at sometime in your life, but the ones I have spoken to, including myself, have all had
'what goes around, comes around' happen to them.
I ended the A with the MM almost 20 years ago, and have had my life turned around, know that it was totally wrong, repented, asked and received forgiveness, and years later had the same thing happen to me. I don't believe it was a 'see I told you so', but I do believe we reap what we sow.
How can you go into a relationship with MM, if he is going to do this to someone he gave his heart to, and believe me he did, even if he tells you he didn't. He said 'I do' to this woman he is now married to , and you are fooling yourself if you think that your relationship will be different than that one. Just know that when he says 'I do" it means not 'until death do we part', but "until I don't feel the slightest bit happy or attracted to you" because OW, he will do it to you, be sure of that!
You are admitting that you are living an immoral lifestyle, only you can change that. What are you teaching your children? That it's ok to live that way? Wrong. God will be your judge, and you go to church with this man? What church will accept sin? You are not following the ways of God, but satan. satan is the destroyer of marriages, and he will not stop at the one you are working toward.
I pray that God will open your eyes to see the damage you have done, that you will repent and turn from this sin. Someone earlier mentioned that you should get out of his life and let him deal with his marriage, and work it out. I fully agree. Then you will have a chance, if.... you stay away from all MM.
As far as the MM W, you have no idea of the heart wrenching pain she is in. Don't fool your self any longer, you will be next.
I also agree that this is not the site for you, be prepared for more blasting.....

Hmmm, well you certainly have rec'd a wide variety of replies to this.
Unfortunately her wanting to hurt him will only ultimately hurt their child. Who knows how long she will hold on to this? I've never been in this situation myself and even though my H and I are fully recovered from his A and we are very happy with each other, I do have moments where I'm just so pissed off all of this even happened.
Unfortunately for this woman, her baby is her reminder of his betrayal and the fact that she is in contact with the both of you must tear her apart. However, she has found another man herself - so, hopefully that relationship will help her move forward. But, some folks stay angry for a long time - no matter what - BS, MM, MW, OW, OM - I don't think anyone here can predict her behaviour.
So, no concrete answers here - it sounds like you are dealing with the situation as best you can.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Anyway, if anyone has experienced a similiar situation or has any suggestions as to minimize her pain and assist in this transition period it will be greatly appreciated. <hr></blockquote><p>I can understand anger and flames if she had come in with guns blazing. But I don't understand why we can't simply answer her questions.<p>We can all question her motives as to why she came to MB... whether or not she belongs on MB.. but maybe... just maybe... she really WANTS to minimize the damage in a really messy situation.<p>We don't have to agree w/ someones choices when we answer a question and who knows what treating someone kindly may lead to...<p>I don't have any answers as I have never been in this situation... but some wise person may...<p>Cali

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Cali:
<strong><p>I don't have any answers as I have never been in this situation... but some wise person may...<p></strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi Cali,<p>Listen... I'm one of those "if we all had a candle what a bright would it would be" people. I like harmony. <p>But...<p>Let's get down to it here. I have a question for YOU:<p>If this woman finds one person who can help her, but 80 BS's read this and are HURT by it, that is worth it to you? <p>It ISN'T to me. There are websites everywhere that CAN help this woman. We *know* that, don't we? <p>Have you noticed lately that Marriage Builders has been undergoing some changes? Have you read all the notices above the boards? This is not a publically owned website, IT IS PRIVATE. I don't think it's out of our rhelm to suggest that this woman go someplace where she WON'T HURT PEOPLE to find the answers to her questions.<p>The whole "don't flame me but answer me - I mean no harm to you and yours" thing is frustrating. If someone says they don't "mean" to shoot you with a gun, but shoot you anyway, IT HURTS.

To quote Tempest:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>...the forums are provided, free of charge - a GIFT to us from Marriage Builders - to give us a place to discuss the issues of Marriage Building. Forums operated by businesses are absolutely NOT public forums...<hr></blockquote><p>Just an FYI.<p>[ June 05, 2002: Message edited by: new_beginning ]</p>

I read and replied to this question on the other thread. It was posted after the admin's post about the nature of the forem. That warning by the admin, I feel, having been over on P/Child for months, reminded us all that none of us own this site, and the people over there tried their best to answer her questions. It is not a public site, it is for everyone who wants to truly find peace and harmony and rebuild. That means that someone who may not be a BS come here to rebuild. I felt that is what SOW22 was attempting to do with a man who no longer in an A. His wife (not sure if she is now his ex-wife but it sounds that way if they are in a custody situation) has been described as getting on with her own life. <p>I thought her post shed some valuable light for us FWS. That would be a glimpse into the life we may have had if we in fact left our spouses and families for the OP we had our A with. Life wouldn't be that picture perfect fantasy that we dreamed or thought it would be or our means to truly being happy. I speak for me when I say, it was a healthy dose of reality. It only further validated my decision to rebuild my M.

Okay... I'm trying to think how I would have felt had I read the post last year...<p>I know I would have been righteous in my anger and judgmental towards her situation.<p>I am simply suggesting that we either ignore OW posts or answer them in the shortest, kindest way possible... and, as you did, STRONGLY suggest that this forum is NOT for them... same way they do us on TOW... <p>Veterans who have been here the longest have the ability to not feed into the anger and hurt and model to newbies. <p>People hurt. But treating others unkindly doesn't change the hurt, it only causes more hurt. <p>(btw... Bible study has been studing 1John. So I am REALLY into a different place re: loving neighbors and enemies...)

Just my 2 cents: I would never willingly let any ow of my h's or any woman who engaged in such a situation... watch my children. I feel sorry for any parent who uses your daycare. This comes from angry hurt bs. The A would not of heappened had you not cared about taking him from his family and his D. Now live with the consequences of your destruction.<p>H

Can't argue with the Bible, can I? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hey, who am I to suggest that a 22 year old OW that has two affairs with married men under her belt but who cares so much for the wife/ex-wife/whatever of the latest MM that she comes to a place called MARRIAGE BUILDERS to ask questions, go somewhere else to find her answers.<p>Silly me. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

CMiranda,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I felt that is what SOW22 was attempting to do with a man who no longer in an A. His wife (not sure if she is now his ex-wife but it sounds that way if they are in a custody situation) has been described as getting on with her own life. <hr></blockquote><p>Please explain what you mean, a man who is no longer in an A. Maybe I misread. She calls her
his wife. OW is living with him, planning a life with him and his child. Not an affair? She is in an immoral, emotionally unhealthy R. <p>People here tried to help her several months ago. She also asked questions on TOW.<p>People tried to answer her on P/C. If OW is the intelligent, compassionate woman she clains to be, the advice on how to help the BW and the D is to get out of MM's life, let them solve their own problems as best they can, stabilize the child's life, and maybe get back with him later on if he is D. That's the right way to do this. That's my sincere, compassionate, respectful advice for her. That way, MM may be able to save his little girl's home, calm his BW's fears and anger (even if there is a D), and do his best to resolve this first marital problem before continuing an adulterous relationsip with OW.<p>Estes<p>[ June 05, 2002: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</p>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Estes49:<p>
As I understood it, SOW22 is now living with this man and they were preparing to go to court for some type of custody of his child. I believe they are living together and his wife is now with someone new. The former wife will let the child visit with the father now, but it must be on her terms. That is what they are going to court to look to resolve apparantly.<p>I also wanted to throw something else in. There have been alot of mean remarks toward SOW22. As the moderator pointed out, no one is allowed to be hurtful here. No one includes everyone. If you aren't here to help her, ignore her post. I'm sure that isn't easy, but its what caused some real problems over on Preg/OC thread. There will always be something someone says that hits a nerve and hurts or angers us. We all have to deal with that, it's the nature of having so many voices come together in one place.

Hee, Hee, controversial thread huh?!? I'm just curious how SOW22MM is going to "help" her lover's BS through this. The last person I'd listen to advice from would be my H's OW. <p>Do you really think she gives 2 hoots about your philosophies, your wisdom (and I use that term as tongue in cheek), your insight into what makes her (the BS) tick, and what would make her life easier? I seriously doubt it!! I really think you are wasting your time if you are on a mission to "save" her from herself. Sure she's angry, and having to listen to you give her advice is only going to make her angrier!!

Personally, I'm glad that you have come and presented your issue. I understand that there are people here who will be hurt by your situation, and I am sorry for their pain. I also understand that you are trying to build your realtionship with this man and although it may have started out in a really bad way you are doing your best to live your life and inflict as little pain as possible.<p>As you can see, it is very hard for people to let go of their hurts and anger. Especially when it is a situation like this.<p>I wholeheartedly believe that it is better for the child to spend time with her father and the woman that will be her stepmother. I guess I am assuming you'll marry - sorry if I'm wrong. <p>Also I think that it might be appropriate for him to no longer be considered MM. He is seperated, and either divorced or almost divorced (assuming considerning the custody hearing stuff). Part of the reason that people have reacted so negatively to this issue is that they may believe that there is still a marriage that might be saved. If read carefully your post does explain that the wife of 'MM' has a significant other also.<p>Both of the parties in the marriage are involved with other people. <p>Had this been a woman who came to the board with a stepparenting issue, a gal working on her relationship with her soon to be husband posting a question regarding the care of the child from her STBH's first marriage she would have been treated differently.<p>I understand the hurt that we as BS feel, I also know that it does no good for us to lash out on people we don't know who have come to us humbly asking for a little assistance.<p>The thing that has helped me move forward in my life is to realize that the most beneficial thing is to learn from the mistakes I have made, and then to press on. <p>This woman has learned from her mistake, although when she became involved with these men they carelessly omitted the fact that they were married. Hardly anything that she could control. People make choices, and what choices that have already been made cannot be changed.<p>I hope that you get some advice that you can use, I have never been in this situation so I really can't say much to your issue.<p>Hopefully the court will make a decision in the best interest of the child.<p>Elizabeth

I'd be really surprised if we ever hear back from SOW22. I'm sure alot of people are happy not to. I for one think that it's a shame for one very simple reason. I have been reading over and over again how BS who have to deal with OP because of a child, say that the OW or OM is insensitive, angry, mean, out of touch with how they feel, etc. Here is an example of someone who is seemingly trying to work the situation, which is now a reality, as best as it can be, without further hurting the ex-wife or the child. She says she wants to understand where the BS is coming from in her anger toward the ex-husband. The alternative is that she doesn't give a hoot, and then as a result, makes the ex-wife even more hurt and frustrated over the situation. Lecturing to her doesn't change the reality of the situation or help anyone involved in her circle. I just seen enough hate over on the OC/preg. thread and it gets us nowhere.