Hey Lion,
My WW is not here to answer these questions but over the year she has answered many of these to me during some of our conversations. <p>1. While the A was going on, did you think about the pain of the BS? What did you think about it? How did you rationalize it (if at all)?
>> She told me she thought about this a lot and was feeling very guilty and disturbed about what to do. She said she knew this was wrong but she couldn't help it. She felt suicidal at times but once she gave in to her feelings for OM told me about them then left me to live with OM she said she never felt happier. This feeling of happiness too was shortlived because she would start missing me and thinking about the "good" me not the bad one who did not meet her EN's.<p>2. Now that my W’s A is over (but she’s in pretty bad withdrawal), she’s angry and mean with me. Did you go through something similar? If so, can you help me understand what was behind it? Was there anything your husband could have done to change your behavior toward him while you were in withdrawal or in the fog?<p>>> My wife went and still is in major withdrawal but I believe the EA has started again. They are about 3,000 miles apart so the PA is not possible right now. What I got from her in the short time that she was with me trying to end the affair I felt like she was very resentful like I had forced her to lose the "love of her life."<p>3. When did you begin to emerge from the fog/withdrawal? How long did it take? Was there anything your husband could have done to help clear the fog?<p>>>I think the fog will be very different for each individual. I believe it really depends how deep of an EA it was. My wife's was huge. She believes without a doubt that the OM is her soulmate. Her perfect match. It has made it very hard for her to let go of him. <p>4. Why are you so mean to the person you loved for so many years ?<p>>>> I think the "meanness" is not really relevant at all. It is impossible for the WW to really rationalize now that they are being mean to the BH. The selfish aspect of the A is also impossible for them to really comprehend. Their happiness is really most important and they justify it because of years of resentment and frustration in an unhappy marriage. <p>5. Why are you so STONE hearted towards the BH who has taken care of you all his life and still wanting to take care of you.<p>>> Yes, Lion I know what u mean but unfortunately we must understand that we as husbands did something to contribute to the situation OR we succumbed to the pressure to marry and married the wrong gal in the first place. Choosing the latter is not very conducive to us bettering ourselves and becoming better husbands in the future. <p>Take care my betrayed brother!
