Again..thanks for the reply Sue.
I tried to post this a minute ago, and it crashed so now I have to re-type it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
First, a comment on what you wrote. yeah, she is definitely in the fog, but later in this, I will show you that it looks like she is trying to come out. I believe her little contact with OM is more to do with what she is seeing in me (my almost three week, so far flawless, Plan A attempt!!), and less to do with her schedule, although by being busy, there is less time to tempt her to call or want to drop by his work.
Also, you hit on the move well...and I will tell you more below. but, you are right...no matter what, with us moving together to our new house next week, I will have a year until she graduates from nursing school to Plan A my [censored] off. And with the positive changes I have seen to Plan A, I'm betting I wont need that time (maybe a little over-confident!!). it seems you have the same plan also.
Now, to the update. The last 24 hours have been crazy. I cannot believe the movement in my WW. She went to get her hair done by a mutual friend yesterday (who I confide in and takes her talks with me and my WW, plus the MB stuff i gave her, and helps me understand what is up). She said that whatever I was doing, I had better keep it up because my WW has noticed. Added to that, my WW told her that she was kind of excited about the move to our new house next week and for us getting out from under the financial strain we have had the last three years (our house flooded right after we moved into it and forced us into a HUGE financial mess...probably the biggest reason for me pulling back and my WW feeling that I didnt love her...too busy fighting the financial war and not taking care of the homefront). He number 1 EN is financial support, so our friend believes that the things I am doing are making HUGE deposits in the love bank. My WW told her that she sees that after the finances are cleaned up next week, and we are in a new house (with the reminders of what happened withthe A in our old house gone), that she thinks a lot of the anxiety and stress may come off her and that she may be able to start moving forward. i have three appointments with Steve Harley over the next three weeks to help take advantage of these changes.
Anyway, the friend said that obviously my Plan A efforts are working and that I had better stay with it because she sees the changes in my WW. She said (as well as Steve last week) that I need to stay away from any pressure...that she is doing the best she can right now and it is just going to have to run its course. of course, we BS's want to move a light speed whenever we see positive movement. but that just sends them back in the fog, scared. So, Plan A is the deal right now.
She came home last night to tell me some things also that surprised me. She was studying in her psych book and brought up some things in there that were straight out of the MB handbook. She noticed that we had never successfully or fully made the jump from that emotional love that you have in the beginning of a marriage, to the mature love that is needed to sustain each other. She said something that reminded me of the giver-taker aspects from the Harleys. I told her that Steve had showed me that over time in our marriage, I had begun to take, while giving less. at the same time, Steve said that my wife appeared to exhibit the signs of a pure giver. this is where, even when she was getting little back, continued to give. that is until she reached what Steve called "givers Snap." this is where she could not take anymore, and went straight into a pure Taker. That happened last fall when I left for bosnia. her world came crashing down, she snapped, and was ready to throw her marriage and everything away. and then she started the A. My wife began to cry when I told her all of this because she said that for the first time, she feels I fully understand what happened and why she did what she did. This was a HUGE breakthrough. I told her I have learned a lot and that I am trying to get my giver back, to be there for her. She said that she doesnt see it yet (the fog) but that if she did, she said "we would be fully back together and moving down the road." Again, this a huge movement by her because she is now laying out what it is going to take to get her to finally move out of Plan A and into reconciliation.
the first things is that she has yet to fully cutoff contact with OM. But, I think that may be coming soon. both because I believe it has run its course, and that my Plan A seems to be working better than I thought. With the move and the financial problems lifted, I think I may see a different wife over the next month. Of course, I am tempering my enthusiasm with a little reality because I know there are going to be setbacks. and, she still may not come out of this. but I can no longer ignore the positive changes. And these didnt happen until I stopped LBing, stuck rigidly to my Plan A, and sat back and started watching three weeks ago. She says she doesnt trust me because she doesnt understand the changes in me and why I am so upbeat and why I am not talking about OM, the A or ripping into her. i just told her that I realized it was pointless to do those things and that I am concentrating on just living life, being there for her, and for the kids.
Anyway, she is spending more time with me. She is initiating conversations on our relationship, not me. Plus, all of these things she said to our friend, and to me, yesterday, lead me to believe she actually is poking her head out of the fog and entertaining the thought that she might be able to come out.
Now is the time to do nothing different. Plan A is still in effect.
In His arms.
