I know it's not a good thing to do, I won't call. But oh how I want to!!! Just to hear his voice, even to hear him say Hi!!

Guess I am not doing so good tonight. I miss my husband!!! I just want him back!!!

Again I know that that isn't going to happen. I am just sitting here kind of lonely tonight, and missing my husband, not really the person that he is now but my husband!!

Oh well!! Life goes on and I will survive!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Dawn,

I know how you feel. Been right in your shoes. Howz about a suggestion?

When I felt that way, I used to write down the + and - of the WS. I kept doing this and would periodically compare it so that I could see that the man out there was not the man I married. Instead my list would reveal that the voice and body attached to the man who called himself my H was really my WS!!! Bit of a reality shocker and it allowed me to go on. It helped me get over those feelings of sadness. Sometimes it would take me straight to anger, then I had to implement something else to keep from running out there and choking him!!! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Well..... almost.. That's why I post here soooo much.... Oops the secret is out and U all thought it was because I like to help people. Well that's a benefit but it also helped me keep my santity and keep my H (the real H) alive! Oh yea, the OW too (bad side effect - LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

L.

I even told H that once. He agreed. That's why I still get to post here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks for the laughs Orchid!!!

It's just a feeling and it will pass!!

I had went camping with the JR youth from church this week and had lots of things to share and he wasn't here for me to share with and it just kind of hit hard that he wouldn't ever be there again!! It just kinf of felt so final and the papers aren't even here yet!!

I will survive!!!! And I will go on with my life!! And it will be good, I know all of thes things really I do, Just sometimes, things slip!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Daybreak....I am sorry for the pain you are going through. I to miss my wife everyday <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . I am in a different situation than you but at the same time I know just how you feel. I miss talking to my wife everyday and sharing the little things with her. We don't know what we really have until it is gone. I know you are like me and pray everyday that God will intervene in this and bring our spouses back to us. Just the touch of her foot rubbing up against mine in bed or the loving looks we gave each other when we woke up. I don't think I will ever get over the feelings I have for my wife. I kick myself everyday for the lousy decisions I made but I trust in God that he will restore my marriage.

Have you visited www.rejoiceministries.org
It is a great ministry to help you stand for your marriage. It has kept me going on a daily basis. Keep praying that God will bring your husband back to his senses and your marriage will be restored. I will pray for you and your husband.

Love in Christ

cajunky

<small>[ June 29, 2002, 07:51 AM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

cajunky,

I still have hope and I have Faith that the Lord will do his will and that it will be best for me and my life. Many days now I don't see that as restoring my marriage, but I continue to pray and thank you for your add ones!!

God Bless you and yours,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugs, Dawn.

I hope you are feeling better today.

Cali

Oh Dawn,

My divorce is final...and I still feel that way. Then of course, he does something so awful--like the 6 horrible emails he sent this week and I once again realize how broken we are.

He told my little kids last weekend that OW was not the reason for the divorce...it was because we didn't get along. Hmmm...he is definitely still in the fog. What a crock.

I still miss our life...our family...the specialness of us. I guess, for us, it is gone forever.

I sure know those feelings tho. Take Care Hon!!!

Hello All

Daybreak - At the beginning when I wanted to call WH I would do situps until I didn't have the urge to call anymore, or I would take a walk if it was still early enough in the day. Just something to get my mind off of him and the urge to call him to pass. Didn't hurt my figure any either!!!

I, like you, miss him sharing my experiences and even just my daily happenings at work. There is a country song out right now that is called "I miss my Friend". I've seen the video on this and I perceive it that he has died and his widow is watching a video of them together. Cry every time I hear it now of see the video. People have said that DV is like a death but harder because they are still here but you can't be with them.

MNM - STBXH filed the petition for DV on Thursday this week. We are now at a point in our realtionship that I think we will still be friends and we are both working on this together. He told me on the phone on Thursday evening that he still wants to be a part of my life. I told him that I want him to be a part of mine too but I can't have the romantic or emotional relationship that we had. He just isn't the same man that I married. Who knows after a few years we may end up back together. I told my Mom last night that I would never say never. At this point, I don't think it is possible but who knows how we both will change in a few years.

I think alot of the time that we want to focus on the bad stuff so much that we forget to think about the good stuff in our lives. Saw a saying today, it read: "Don't cry from the pain, smile with the memories." Thought this applies to a lot of us. Don't get me wrong, I still cry from the pain and that is when I just want him here to hold me and make it all better.

Take care and stary strong. You have become a better person and that is what is most important right now and you need to focus on that.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dawn,

hope you are doing better tonight. While I understand the missing of who our WH's use to be, I wish I didn't see mine quite so often.

I see him at least 3 times a wk & then here I am on vacation at my parents. I took my boys to my in laws today, they live an hr from my parents & WH is there. I knew he would be, but my in laws were so nice & I am not sure STBX spoke to me. His mom was saying come on in, I told I come in Monday, when I came to get the boys, STBX is leaving Sunday, she goes it is still my house.

I wonder sometimes if all this mess ever makes the WS unhappy, if they remember something & wish things could be different. I hate that my children are living this life & while I am glad that they have adapted I hate it also.

Guess I have the blues tonight. Hope you got rid of them,

I knew that there would be people who would understand out there.

Thanks for all of your support, it does mean alot to me to have your support.

Sing, no I am not over the blues yet, just coping. It's been over a week since we spoke last!

How's the vacation going with your parents?

C ya all,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I can feel your pain. W not here tonight. Half empty bed. She is off dealing with the pain of withdrawal. I love her and I miss her so much. It is only the first night and I hope the only night. It is much different than a scheduled work thing to me. This is far worse.

Suggestion given to me by Jenn herself... is to write him a letter journal... and then think about all the ways you can love and protect him... rule of care and protection... and do what he wants... if that is not calling... dont call.. because that is not what he wants... ya know... just do it to make him happy... be giving... be thoughtful.. you are a thoughtful person, we alll know that.

I know how hard it is... I keep thinking my regular husband will answer the phone... if I just catch him off guard... of his crazy routine...

Thanks for posting, that is the right thing to do....

I KNOW how terribly hard it is not to contact my H... I know the feeling all to well...

Take care... if you ever want to email ... email lbarfield@houston.rr.com ... I have this problem massively... will even share my phone if you email me.. and you can call me when you have the urge.

Hugs, HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Dawn, I really empathize with your feelings. Our divorce is pending and we've had no contact except through H's lawyer for weeks. It's really sinking in that my H is gone. The man he was no longer exists. The drugs and alcohol have stolen his soul.

I turned my marriage over to God, hoping all along that my marriage would be restored, but that isn't what's happening. I have to have faith that what is happening will be the best for both of us. That's still hard for me to accept.

His family is also very upset about his self-destructive lifestyle. I see more of them than he does.

Hugs to all of you going through the pain of separation and divorce, including the loss of your marriages, your best friends, and your dreams.

WH did call to talk with kids tonight, I guess I was hoping to answer the phone just to hear him say Hi!! One of the kids answered. Oh well!

I guess part of what is bothering me is that this whole thing has bothered me immensely and hasn't phased him at all. How is that fair?

He's done with me and doesn't want me anymore, why is it that I am feeling like the trash that needs to go out in the morning? I know that I am a good person, a worthwhile person, I've never let him have this much control over me and my thoughts or feelings before and now that I am almost free of him, I 'm having these feelings? I don't get it! Am I backsliding? Why now?

Just my thoughts, jump in and share your own!! Or explain mine to me!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

dreamland, Honey, LetSTry, thanks for your thoughts and concerns. I do journal some, got tired of it awhile back and felt it was taking all my time. I do read the bible and look for passages to give me strength. Thanks for the e mail addy Honey, will put it in my address book for use later!!

Again jump in with your own thoughts or explain mine to me!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Love ya all,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ June 30, 2002, 11:18 PM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>

Dawn,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I guess part of what is bothering me is that this whole thing has bothered me immensely and hasn't phased him at all. How is that fair?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Obviously fairness has nothing to do with it. The one who leaves never hurts as much as the one left behind. I know, I'm in the same boat. Besides, my H has been living with the OW for 1.5 years now. I doubt I'd feel as bad if I was in a new relationship...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's done with me and doesn't want me anymore, why is it that I am feeling like the trash that needs to go out in the morning? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know, but I feel the same way... It feels terrible to be dumped especially by the person who knew you better than anyone else, the one you pledged your life to.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that I am a good person, a worthwhile person, I've never let him have this much control over me and my thoughts or feelings before and now that I am almost free of him, I 'm having these feelings? I don't get it! Am I backsliding? Why now?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Once again, I can't tell you the reason, but I relate. I'm feeling worse now that I finally cut off all contact than I did even when he was calling and verbally abusing me and blaming me for everything. Go figure? I think it's because I'm finally accepting that it's really over. I finally have to grieve. I'm no longer hoping he'll come back or caught up in the drama.

Here's hoping we can get through this fairly quickly and learn something for the next time around...

LetSTry,

I thought that I was doing so well, and in that last couple of weeks I have found that I am being very self-righteous, and that just freaked me out. I guess that is were some of the re-questioning came from. I wasn't seeing that of myself.

I have prayed and prayed for God's will to be done and know that prayers are not always answered in the way that we want, so I am learning to deal with that, and trying to see what it is the Lord wants me to do from here. There have been times that I thought I was doing the Lords will and then things seemed to backfire on me, so I am very confused. I truly don't think that the Lord wants me to a divorced person. I am seeing that I must get over this and move on!!

Just rambling at this point!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear Dawn,

How could you not hurt and feel rejected? That's how you SHOULD feel. It's natural. It's a darn lousy position to be in. I think part of it is the futility, the lack of control one has. Huge, life-changing decisions have been made that profoundly affect you but in which you were not included.

IMO, another thing that makes it so hard is that for years you are one and now you are two. You instinctively hold on to the concept of oneness, and it just takes time for your thoughts to reprogram themselves. The default mode, if you will, is in the "us" mode. Instinctively, you think of "us" instead of "he and I" and it takes MONTHS, even years to make the transition from the default mode.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself permission to have these lapses. You don't reprogram your emotions like you turn on and off a light switch.

I feel so badly for you and others going through this. The fact that you are growing and gaining strength even while hurting speaks volumes for the quality lady you are.

Love,
Estes

Estes,

Thank so very much, I always feel so much better after reading one of your posts, I feel your strength through your words.

You put what I'm feeling into simple words that one can understand and realate to!!

Thanks,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 01, 2002, 12:16 AM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>

Dawn,

Certainly, God does not what you to be a divorced woman. IMHO, God respects the free will that He gave all of us, even WS. If as a result of people exercising their free will, His children are hurt, then God's love really comes into it's own.

What God wants for us is healing. That does not necessarily mean that we get what we want. It does means is that he wants us to be whole spiritually. He wants our soul to be strong, and He is so faithful. In our valleys He is there. When frail human beings are not faithful, He is. I believe that God is the only one whom I can trust to never abandon me. So it's kind of like God and me against what the world has to dish out. Strong human relationships are icing on the cake of life, so to speak.

IMO, God is hurting for you every bit as much as you are hurting now. He is crying with you. I believe that with all my heart. He would NEVER inflict pain on His children, but pain does often result from someone exercising his free will. (Read that as your H's free will.) When that happens, God is there with His safety net to catch you and support you until you are strong enough to take over.

OK, there is my sermon for the day.

Estes