Dear Seahorse,

Well I'm here to infuse some strength into U. This is always a hard time but you know what? His words were meant to weaken you. Yet they don;t make sense and that is what you need to remember.

When he is sincere it will make sense. When he is babbling it will hurt and not make sense. Eventually it will even make you laugh.

So if he is still hurting you with his words, you will see the benefit of taking this step. Remember it is a temporary hurt and it will relieve some of the stress you now carry with you, wondering what if........

Not all of it will go away but you will notice a difference. NOt immediate but soon.

Hang tough. Post here as much as you need.
I did not get over 4000 posts because I am such a nice person. You'd be surprised how many of my posts were actually vents. LOL!!!

L.

Orchid, when he said that he wasn't happy at the end I knew it was the truth. I felt like such a failure, because I didn't make him happy. I can't tell you how strange I feel right now.

We drove to a railway station near my dad's house and I dropped him there. I gave him a hug and a kiss and said goodbye. He said I'll email you, I said no H, there is to be no contact. he just shook his head, I said please read my letter his said not even email? I said no.

I feel like I have just deserted my best friend. I feel numb, and so so sad, sad is not the word, I don't know what word to use. I cry and it dosen't help. I waited for the relief to come it came and went and I feel numb again.

They say love conquors all, but it dosen't. I love him but it hasn't worked. He says he loves me but it means little. I can see why people choose to never love again. Thats how I feel, if my H never comes back to me I don't think I could love anyone else. I feel like I just lost my purpose in life, my soulmate.

So I will go through the motions of living now. I have no best friend now, I'll keep praying, but the way he spoke those words... I am wondering if I have done the right thing. If I was a true friend,wouldn't I still be there? But then my body can't take anymore, people tell me its taken its toll.

I don't know what to think now. I can't process it, its too much its too overwhelming.

I didn't think I was that bad a wife, but I did LB'd I didn't listen, I wasn't there when he needed me although I was in the way I wanted to be, but not his way, now I'm not there for him again.

with plan b I feel like whatever I did I I've lost. I'm sorry I just don't feel like the winner here. Is this normal, did others feel like this?

He has made me feel so bad. I feel reaaly bad.

I really feel like I've done the wrong thing. There is love there for him. I'm still in love. Its just that its hurting too bad now. I'm going crazy. I can't stand that I know he's with her that they are making love, that she is caring for him. I want to care for him. I want to be the one who holds him.

He will go to her now and she will hold him, and help him though this. Yet he is the one who would do this for me.

I'm going to bed, I hope I can sleep I just want him back now.

((((((((((((((((((((((seahorse))))))))))))))))))

This is such a hard time for you, and I understand that it is very hard to be out of contact with him because you love him. However, the reason for Plan B is to protect the love you still have for him, and allow him to see exactly what it would be like for him without you in his life.

Now, for me, what it also did was give me a measure of peace and the strength to let go, and let God. The rollercoaster of hanging on stbx's every word, and trying to interpret everything that happened was no longer there to deal with, and to me that was a relief.

Like you, my mind ticked over about what they were up to and my imagination would run riot. I was so distraught that I could not make him happy, just like you are.

Well, you know what? No-one on this earth can MAKE another person happy. Happiness has to come from within. Unfortunately WS's don't learn this lesson for a very long time sometimes because they see the greener grass and think all they have to do is jump the fence to gain happiness. But that grass needs just as much water as yours did, to keep being green, and if WS has not changed the way they handle relationships, it is going to yellow and die.

If you are serious about NC, I suggest you block him from your email addresses and get caller id on your phone, so that you can follow through. Did your letter say contact could resume when he gives up OW totally and wants to work on the marriage? If so, he knows what he must do if he wants to speak or write.

Strength is something you have a great deal of, seahorse. Keep on doing what you have been doing regarding the diving, and other things. Immerse yourself in your life, and keep busy. Try not to dwell too much on what he is up to, hard I know, but it will only drag you down. You are a good person, seahorse, never forget that.

love and light,

Jacky

Thank you Jacky. I know deep down you're right, and I'm trying to convince myself of this. This is more about him than me, he just needs to realise it.

I've updated on Just Found Out. There's not much to update though.

SH

Hi Seahorse

Maybe we should change your name to Starfish!

Wow, so much has happened this week, where was I?

Well, youre now officially in Plan B.

Youre asking all the same qustions I ask myself, why? how? i dont understand.

Youre my age. I wish you were here in QLD - we could do coffee. Im feeling real lonely too at the moment and it kills. But Im making myself get out there and get involved in life again. I feel like Ive shut down for a while. Like I said earlier (I think) youre going thru a grieving time still for your Mum so normally this wouldnt all be so bad. I went thru it pregnant. But its been 11months since my little lamb was born and Im more balanced and in control. Youre just beginning a new phase which has the opportunity to empower you to get a grip of things. Keep pouring out those tears before God, it will release so much out of your system (physically, emotionally and spiritually). Keep posting here and releasing it this way too, and we will support you in prayer. Wow, I still cant believe it. Youve been thru so much. Just dont let go of the hope God has placed inside of you. Its not his desire you two be separate but youve done all you can, now youve got to sit tight and let God do the rest. You know that your H may never come back. But dont lose hope. Hope will drive you forward and it will allow time to heal.

Take care, I hope youre sleeping ok. I'll pray each night for you.

((((((((((((((((((SEAHORSE))))))))))))))))))))

Dancer