SC,
We're praying for yall. I just want you to go into this with a realistic expectation. I really don't want you to be shocked if she gets angry and denys it. It is textbook WS behavior and we all know it YET it always surprises us! Once you calmly state the facts: what you know about OM, that you love her and want the marriage...it probably won't end on a happy note. Its the time you are away from each other that she will be able to absorb the things you said. The thing is that this "time" away could be hours, days, weeks, months. My hunch is it will be weeks for her BUT thats just my hunch.

Remember your old signature line:
Expect or be prepared for the worst...hope for the best...hang on to your hats.

You said it better than I did.

spacecase...

hold on... be strong...

oaktown...

The upside of your "very complicated" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> dilemma is this ... Your dear W cannot go running off into the arms of the viper OM ! He's in lock up. She will need support ... and THERE YOU ARE with arms open wide and your love burning bright!

Joy!

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2long:
<strong>SC:

We can hope!! That's OURS to do!

I send out cubic tons of positive thoughts for you!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Indeed, my dear 2L; Hope is ours to have! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by I LuvNprotect ME:
<strong>SC,
We're praying for yall. I just want you to go into this with a realistic expectation. I really don't want you to be shocked if she gets angry and denys it. It is textbook WS behavior and we all know it YET it always surprises us! Once you calmly state the facts: what you know about OM, that you love her and want the marriage...it probably won't end on a happy note. Its the time you are away from each other that she will be able to absorb the things you said. The thing is that this "time" away could be hours, days, weeks, months. My hunch is it will be weeks for her BUT thats just my hunch.

Remember your old signature line:
Expect or be prepared for the worst...hope for the best...hang on to your hats.

You said it better than I did.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks ILuv!
Yes; truly I expect that what you described is EXACTLY what will happen. I am going in expecting that, and if something else happens, it'll be gravy.
I also expect Plan B to be necessary, and I can only hope that you are right in predicting "weeks" rather than months...

"Plan for the worst, hope for the best, and hang on to your hats!"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong>The upside of your "very complicated" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> dilemma is this ... Your dear W cannot go running off into the arms of the viper OM ! He's in lock up. She will need support ... and THERE YOU ARE with arms open wide and your love burning bright!

Joy!

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">True, true; I'm counting on that being a definite factor in her decisions.
Thanks for the positive outlook to a gloomy scenario! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Out of curiosity and perhaps thinking ahead a bit;

What kind of environment will my kids face with mom at home with them, and me in Plan B?

I'll certainly make my new "accomodations" available to them, but that probably cannot be a "permanent" situation.

Any ideas, suggestions?

Hi SpaceCase,

I don't regularly check up on you ('cause you seem to have things under control), but I'll congratulate you on a job well done. Everything seems to be going as expected, and I'm really optimistic regardless of the outcome of the confrontation. You seem rehearsed and ready for it.

The revised Plan B letter is really good (although really, really long---I strive for conciseness, although I really didn't find any fluff to cut). That's another nice bit of prep work to get out of the way.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What kind of environment will my kids face with mom at home with them, and me in Plan B?

I'll certainly make my new "accomodations" available to them, but that probably cannot be a "permanent" situation.

Any ideas, suggestions?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've forgotten your kid's ages, but they'll deal with it. I would suggest that you not try a 'permanent' situation at this point---if you can afford an extended stay hotel or something similar (a short lease on an apartment), that will work (I did the extended stay hotel). The kids will likely enjoy seeing you, and you'll have some real quality time with them---you won't be distracted by your usual duties at home. It can be fun (it was for me), but don't make it too Disneyland-ish. Your wife, on the other hand, is probably going to suffer a lot of abuse from the kids for 'making you leave'. And frankly, that's a good thing and part of the 'wake-up' call of Plan B.

Good luck this afternoon. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What kind of environment will my kids face with mom at home with them, and me in Plan B?

I'll certainly make my new "accomodations" available to them, but that probably cannot be a "permanent" situation.

Any ideas, suggestions?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by K:
<strong>Hi SpaceCase,

I've forgotten your kid's ages, but they'll deal with it. I would suggest that you not try a 'permanent' situation at this point---if you can afford an extended stay hotel or something similar (a short lease on an apartment), that will work (I did the extended stay hotel). The kids will likely enjoy seeing you, and you'll have some real quality time with them---you won't be distracted by your usual duties at home. It can be fun (it was for me), but don't make it too Disneyland-ish. Your wife, on the other hand, is probably going to suffer a lot of abuse from the kids for 'making you leave'. And frankly, that's a good thing and part of the 'wake-up' call of Plan B.

Good luck this afternoon. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The "kids" are 19 (home from college for the summer) and my twins, age 16.
They all know the overall picture, and some details. I've spoken with them about Plan B, and that it may become necessary at some point, so they at least know about this and it won't be a total surprise.

My arrangements are an extended stay, close to home, and my intent is to give the kids a key and let them know they are welcome anytime, even overnight. (With some basic rules). What I meant by "permanent" is that I could probably not have one or more of the kids move in with me to the extended stay for very long.

I know they will be OK, but there will probably be some very serious "short-temperedness" on the part of my W, especially at first, and I hate to think she'll vent with them.

Space,

Thanks to Pepper's and your recommendation I picked up a copy of Passionate Marriage.

It looks like it's going to be great. H and I leave for vacation next week; so I can catch-up on some reading then.

Just came through a few grueling days of managing some fallout as a result of the A; and am still peeling myself off of the ceiling. If I think it will help me to vent I'll update my thread. Thanks for sharing yours in the meantime!! CSue

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CSue:
<strong>Space,
...Just came through a few grueling days of managing some fallout as a result of the A; and am still peeling myself off of the ceiling. If I think it will help me to vent I'll update my thread. Thanks for sharing yours in the meantime!! CSue</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You OK? "peeling myself off of the ceiling" doesn't sound quite routine...

Sheesh Space,

In light of what you're facing my problems are insignificant; but thanks for asking!

H and I had a great appt with SH this week. H & I have also had lots of RT discussions where he admitted he could understand why I feel OW#2 is a possibility. Then he said that maybe this person might have had feelings for him greater than a professional relationship; which he says explains why I felt like there was an A.

Still he says there was no A. This from the guy who has "Version of the Truth" as a philosophy. SH found that quite interesting and we'll discuss more at next appt.

Then we had to manage details from OW that involved us personally paying a bill that she owes H's work since he fired her. She was about to be turned over to collection; we thought that would make her mad; so we "annonymously" paid her bill.

But again, just minor compared to what you're facing; but I do appreciate you asking! CSue

CSue; glad it's not more serious. Although this "potential OW#2 bears close watching... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Glad Steve's on it!

It would majorly burn my britches to have to pay a bill for the OM!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Glad to hear you're handling it well!

Space,

Burn me it did; however I was tired of having the possibility of OW contacting H hanging over our head because she continued to try to contact H about this already.

I turned it into major deposits in H's LB because I have been so kind as to support this; and even went with him to the bank to get money order etc! He almost got caught typing envelope at work however! Eeeek!!

Our biggest concern was that although she authentically owes the money; she "emotionally" may have thought H should let her off the hook since he fired her because of d-day. Don't forget that they had been in continuous contact since the end of the A. They just continued their "friendship" until d-day when I insisted NO CONTACT.

She was probably a little ticked that he felt he had to tell me about the A; and it abruptly ended their 20 year friendship. Our concern is that she would tell H's staff about the A. Neither one of us want that to happen. We POJA that one!! Our first attempt to try POJA. CSue

That's great CSue!
I know it probably hurt, but the POJA and the $LB deposits make it worth it. Good going!

Space,

The LB deposits were worth the $$$ spent of our own money!

Has your W come home yet??? CSue

I know many of you are going to flame me for this, but I postponed the "talk" with my wife. (I'm squirming just thinking of ILuv's response! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) But, she came in looking haggard and sweaty, it's like 99 degrees here today, and with a headache, and with that little look on her face that just begged for mercy...so I just hugged her and kissed her, and told her that we'd talk tomorrow morning, before she even said anything. I hope it buys me a $LB deposit or two.

I just couldn't... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Space,

Very wise of you in my opinion. Timing is everything.

Sheesh I've been to Houston in the summer AGHHHHHHH! Favorite time was 1 trip in January. People were jogging at the Galeria in shorts!!!!

Thankfully I live in a dry climate! CSue

SC:

We don't need to flame you.... ...just make you sit outside!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I pointed out to a Houstoner one time I was visiting during July and it was a billion degrees out, that I wasn't sweating, the dewpoint was above 98.6 degrees, and it was just condensation from all that humidity!!

SC. In the end, she's your W, and it's your life. You know your limits, you're prepared, and so postponing the confrontation till it's cooler (like in the upper 80's after midnight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) is something of a considerate thing to do.

And it ain't like you haven't waited a long time already, so what's another 18 hours or so?

Your making withdrawals from my account SC!