Dear Wacked out Wife,

I have an appt to speak with someone about the thoughts and feelings I am having right now, so don't worry about that. I think you know this has nothing whatsoever to do with SF.

As soon as I know my solid plans for where I will be staying I will let you know. Thanks for asking.

Yours for now,

2tired

I like ALW's first sentance, I was writing that same thing almost word for word.

After that I would just say -

" As to everything else, I am still thinking about it and don't know what I will do. I will try to get back to you within a few weeks."

<small>[ July 23, 2002, 12:11 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

I like ALW's response too....ONLY thing I might say against it is that's it's awfully apologetic. I don't really think you need to be groveling right now...she was WAAAAY out of line and has yet to say ONE THING that says she sees that.

I hope you know mine was a JOKE...DO NOT send that. LOL!!!

Ooooh, I like the way that sounds....take ALW's first sentence, combine it with Still Seekings sentence...and LEAVE IT AT THAT!

Short, sweet...and very cordial. No room to blast you.

SC:

"2L; she is again trying to draw you into an argument about something different from what the REAL argument is. Don't let her."

I certainly have no intention of letting her distract me. But since she doesn't know anything about what I'm up to AND she's home and still responsible for the bills and the kids, I feel I need to inform her in some way, maybe a plan B letter NOW, what my needs are. I'd like her to stew in her juices at home, frankly, where she has the responsibility to tell our son what's happened HERSELF. Maybe this is an effort to "force her" to face the consequences of her actions on my part, but so what? That's what the plan B letter is for anyway, right? And mine, if I wait till I talk to SH, is still going to be a couple of weeks off.

AND, there's still the doubt I have as to whether I truly SHOULD be in plan B, plus the comments I've gotten that suggest that, in the end, *I* should do what I think I need to do. In many ways, this email communication is the most we've talked lately, and it's frustrating that I don't feel like I can USE the benefits of being able to compose myself NOW, to get my points across to her. But maybe that's the point - nothing will get through? I don't know. I think some of it would.

"She's also trying to get you to tell her what you're up to in terms of living arrangements; a transparent attempt at figuring out what your plans are, couched in "living arrangements" wording. Don't let her."

Why not? I'm in the guest house. She'll find me there eventually anyway, and if I tell her what my plans are (plan b letter now, in effect), maybe I can get her to understand that I really need to not be bothered (and thus head off a confrontation when she finds me there). If she agreed, I wouldn't have to find other arrangements (and she wouldn't either and would have to face her behavior at home)

"Hang tough; 2L, now is NOT the time to cave to this. Let her stew, and let her do whatever SHE thinks she has to do; move out, go to a friend's, other house, whatever."

I could easily put wording to this effect in a reply. I would like to in order to make it clear that, while I love her, I will not be controlling her, and if she wants to make stupid decisions, that's her business.

Need help, folks.

After I posted the last message, it occurred to me to email my work IC and see if she'd see me on short notice to get her advice on this.

I hate this. I can't get my work done! I want to get to an interim plan B understanding of some kind NOW, so that I can focus on my work!!!

My departure is ENTIRELY due to the emotional distress I feel knowing our marriage is not a fully committed union after __ years.

ONE sentence ... it will drive her nutz! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Ooooh, I like that Pepper!!!

Seriously...the shorter the better. It has FAR more effect than a novel.

All:

Wow!! This board must be updating in fits and starts. I coulda sworn all my MB buddies were out catching butterflies or something! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I like them ALL, and will cogitate and get something on for your perusal as quickly as I can!

Butterflies? All we have are grasshoppers...but funny you should mention it, I WAS outside on a murderous rampage trying desperately to regain even the TINIEST PORTION of our yard and flower garden. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

2long,

Whew....I've been trying to catch up on this thread since I've been away for a few days.

1st of all I have to tell you that since you posted that e-mail that WW sent you regarding "owning,sharing,trying" etc...I can get a glimpse of what a truly lovely person she must be; and why you are trying so hard to save your M.

Makes me smile at the potential for you both.

I also recognize some coping skills/defenses she uses that I believe she perfected while she was a child coping with an alcoholic father. Unfortunately those skills that she learned then work against her now; and eventually, hopefully with IC she will have the opportunity to take each skill out one at a time, examine it, modify it, so that she learns how to communciate in the "grown-up" world.

I still see that the "alien-brain" is alive and well with-in her and that her recent e-mails are her attempts to "scare" you back into your old relationship or possibly into convincing you to share her with RatMeat.

I do think she has a valid right to know your living arrangements, and I worry about the legal issues in your state regarding your state of limbo.

Living arrangements issue is valid and a "good distraction" for her to use to avoid the real issue. If it were me I would put her mind to rest about that.

2long, I'll keep reading to catch-up and post as often as I can if you find what I have to say useful. I have a hectic next 24 hours, so I may only be posting sporatically.

While waiting for my appointment with SH yesterday I came across some great notes I had taken that made me think of you; and I'll post them when I get a minute. BTW...I took over 3 pages of notes during SH appointment...and I'm still trying to digest their contents.

Take care, don't be drawn into battle; and remember the woman you love is under the influence of aliens...it's addicting and intoxicating. She may resort to sending much meaner e-mails to try to get you to engage in a "phantom issue", to continue distracting you from the real one.

My wish for you is wisdom & peace!! CSue

How about this combination:

"Dearest WW,
I guess I should explain you that my departure had nothing to do with the SF incident. My departure is entirely due to the emotional distress I’m feeling knowing that our marriage isnot a fully committed union after 26 and a half years. As to your other questions, I am still thinking about them and don’t know what I will do at this point. I will try to get back to you within a few weeks.
Love,
2long"

I would still like to inform her that I'm staying in the guest house. I really need to be left alone, and there would be far better than elsewhere, and if she knows I'm there and can agree to leave me alone, I'll be more at ease.

CSue:

"1st of all I have to tell you that since you posted that e-mail that WW sent you regarding "owning,sharing,trying" etc...I can get a glimpse of what a truly lovely person she must be; and why you are trying so hard to save your M."

This got me all messed up again. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

You are absolutely right. In her right mind, my W is a truly wonderful person. I can't imagine life without her. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

How about this combination:

"Dearest WW,

I guess I should explain you that my departure had nothing to do with the SF incident. My departure is entirely due to the emotional distress I’m feeling knowing that our marriage isnot a fully committed union after 26 and a half years.

As to your other questions, I am still thinking about them and don’t know what I will do at this point. For now I believe I will continue to stay at the guest house. I hope you will allow me the space I ask for while I think things over. I will try to get back to you within a few weeks with more solid future plans.

Love,
2long"

How's that??

H4F:

I'm starting to like this one. Let me run to the 'throom, grab a crock of crud, and think about this a bit.

CSue suggests that 2long says:

"Dearest WW,
My departure had nothing to do with the SF incident. It is entirely due to the emotional distress I&#8217;m feeling knowing that our marriage is not a fully committed union after 26 and a half years. As to your other questions, I am still thinking about them.
Love,
2long"

2long says:

I would still like to inform her that I'm staying in the guest house. I really need to be left alone, and there would be far better than elsewhere, and if she knows I'm there and can agree to leave me alone, I'll be more at ease.

CSue says: I agree with you 100%

Yes on H4F's latest

Okay, here it is, I think:

"Dearest WW,

I guess I should explain to you that my departure had nothing to do with the SF incident. My departure is entirely due to the emotional distress I’m feeling knowing that our marriage is not a fully committed union after 26 and a half years.

I am staying in the guest house for now, so there’s no hotel bills. I believe I will continue to stay there. I hope you will allow me the space I ask for while I think things over.
As to your other questions, I am still thinking about them and don’t know what I will do at this point. I will try to get back to you within a few weeks with more definite plans.

Love,
2long"

I was out catching frogs... see?

*shows green cute frog*

hope4thefuture, just leave it up to me, some napal and the weeds will never even know they existed. Then we can change the garden into a zen garden, get some big boulders and make wavy designs in the sand. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

We don't have frogs...just toads. But I kiss them every chance I can get! NOT to turn them in to princes...but because they eat all my GRASSHOPPERS!

We are having the worst grasshopper infestation they've seen in this area since WWI. Yippee.

I don wanna Zen garden :-( I want my LILLIES and ROSES and PEONIES and DAISIES and SUNFLOWERS....WAAAAAAA <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Mine are all eaten alive by the hoppers.