Or:

"Dearest WW,

I want you to know that my departure had nothing to do with the SF incident. It is entirely due to the emotional distress I’m feeling knowing that our marriage is not a fully committed union after 26 and a half years.

I am staying in the guest house for now, so there’s no hotel bills to worry about. I believe I will continue to stay there. I hope you will allow me the space I ask for while I think things over.

Love,
2long"

We got lots and lots of frogs and toads, maybe I should send you some or something. Incidentally I see no grasshopers, get they all got eaten.

2long, I like the reply I say send it, let her stew untill she cannot find ways to dance around not trying to touch the real reason why you left.

And now for a SARCASTIC vent:

W: Also have you had a chance to talk with your C about Tuesday evening. You really need to talk with him about what that was about, and what to call the inability to not have sexual gratification with me when you want it.

2long: It's called "release of sexual tension through MASTURBATION."

There, I SAID it. I'm still embarrassed!

There there.

*pats 2long in the head*

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I modified it just slightly, and sent it:

W:

I want you to know that my departure had nothing to do with the sexual gratification incident Tuesday. It is entirely due to the emotional distress I'm feeling knowing that our marriage is not a fully committed union after 26 and a half years.

I stayed in a hotel Friday night. I've been staying in the guest house since, so there's no hotel bills to worry about. I believe I will continue to stay there. I hope you will allow me the space I ask for while I think things over.

I love you with all my heart. Always have.
-2long

They're both great!

One gives her somewhat of a timeframe, so she knows you're planning on this taking more than just a few days. The other leaves her guessing a bit more. Either works to your advantage, I would say.

Speaking of grasshoppers, and since I've got at least one Texan and one Aussie on this thread, have you heard this one:

A Texas rancher is visiting an Australian ranch. The Aussie takes the Texan for a tour of his ranch. When they approach it, the Texan notes the fence boundaries and says "Why, we have much larger ranches than this in Texas." The Aussie takes it in stride and proceeds to show him around. The Aussie then shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan brags "In Texas, our cows are much bigger and better fed than these here." The Aussie is getting a bit annoyed at the Texan's arrogance by this time. Suddenly, a herd (is that the right word?) of kangaroos runs past the two ranchers, and the Texan exclaims "What the he!! are those?" and the Aussie replies "What? You don't have grasshoppers in Texas?"

LOL!!!!!
Hehehehehe grasshoppers, LOL

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I have heard it before, but it is still a goody!!

2long, you are handling this just right, getting advice from the best. Keep at it.

She is showing typical fog brain tendencies right now, and trying to put blame anywhere but on her own shoulders. So, expect another bout of "It is your fault, blah, blah...."

She KNOWS why you left. I sometimes think the WS's try to divert our attention from the real issues so that they may somehow brainwash the BS into believing their crap too.

Do not let her lead you into a fight about what happened in bed. It is, as others have said, not the issue, and she darn well knows it!!!!!!

Love and light,

Jacky

Nina Too:

I realize that I'm "probably" doing the right thing. What makes me have doubts the most (perhaps exacerbated by my intense feelings of withdrawal) is that I wonder if my LB$ was still too full for me to go to plan B, and that maybe I just didn't "tough it out" long enough. I'm not one of those in the position, right now as it stands, where I would do okay if my W WERE to run to Rat Meat for comfort. That possibility, however remote, truly frightens me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> It really does. And so I keep asking myself, am I really doing the right thing? Did I exhaust ALL of my plan A alternatives? Did I give her EVERY opportunity to jettison Rat Meat? Should I have held on for another 2 months, when the report would be done, when she had promised to give contact to coworker???

I really don't know <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I think you know better than that. But remember, you have an appt with one of the Harleys coming up. Just stand tough until then. Even if they DO recommend going back to Plan A..if you made that decision NOW it would TOTALLY wreck your taking a stand for yourself. Do you know what I mean? It would only reinforce her bullying behaviour and reinforce her idea that she gets her way if she just threatens enough.

H4F:

Thanks for the reassurance. You're right, of course. Even if they did recommend going back to plan A, it's unlikely that they'd tell me I was stupid to get away from that "abuse." And, if she asked why I'd come home (to plan A again), I could say that SH told me to, and he's really smart, unlike those incompetent twits we've BEEN going to at Kaiser...

Actually, I'm wondering. our last Kaiser MC was 2 weeks ago. My W typically sees her IC on Monday or Tuesday afternoons, about 2 weeks apart, and I believe she had an appointment the Monday before our MC. So... she may be AT her IC now, if she didn't have it yesterday (unless she's stopped going, which I doubt). I suppose it's not completely worthless, if she sees value in it.

Let HER ask the IC what she thinks I'm doing and what that SF "incident" meant. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

"Gets her way if she just threatens enough......." yes, my stbx was/is like this. And he cannot understand WHY he just can't do that to me anymore, and we have been apart for over a year.

2long, put yourself on hold as far as the Plan A/B debate goes. SH will help you work that one out.

I let my H walk out the door knowing full well that he was probably going to end up with OW, which he did. It was the HARDEST thing I have ever done in my life, but I did it. Know why? Because keeping the status quo meant that he would just see her anyway, BUT still be with me, too. There was MUCH less chance of things changing for the better had we not separated, because with the secrecy and mystique a secret affair brings, there is a fuelling of their so-called flame. Reality HAD to be worse than the fantasy.

Of course now it is too late for my stbx to come back to me, not that he wants to, but I KNOW for a fact that he has found out the grass isn't greener. In the meantime when he was finding that out, I was slowly recovering.

No matter WHEN you do this Plan B, it IS going to be hard and it IS going to hurt...but sometimes it is a very necessary step. For me, it gave me distance from the constant hurt I felt every time I had to communicate with him, and I was able to move ahead. There really are some bonuses to Plan B.

But as I said at the start, wait until you talk to Steve.

Love and light,

Jacky

Well, she's not at any appointment now.

Her reply: Sure, take all the space you need, but you still didn't answer my question about talking to the counsellor. This is very important, you need to deal with it. How can it be a union when you make the important decisions without me?

Okay, now... I know what you're thinking, or maybe YOU know what I'M thinking. It's quite tempting to reply with something about the "important decision to have an A" that *I* was kept from participating in!!!

But seriously, I think I deserve the chance to reply to THIS message. I may send her the answers I got from you folks about the SF incident. Any objections?

She isn't just trying to goad me into an argument here, she's INVITING ME to EDUCATE HER. Do I blow that opportunity off?

Teehee!
Boy is she pissed. She is holding to any scraps to not have to look at the real reason of you leaving isn't she???

Well 2long I think it is more than time for you to deliver your plan B letter. She is just in the perfect point.

If not, how about:

"My beloved wife,

I have already scheduled sessions with my counsellor. Once again I reiterate to you that the SF incident is not, by far, the biggest of our marital problems. I refuse to be dragged into an argument right now. I already explained to you, that living under the same roof with you being so divided is really making me doubt the strength left on me to continue trying.
The SF has nothing, nothing at all to do with it. If it was what was required for you to decide between rat meat and I, I wouldn't have any SF with you for the rest of my life, and I definetely wouldn't "release" myself the way i did. I already issued my sincere apologies for it, and I count on the fact that you can accept them.

Now I must be off.
Love,
2long."

No, 2long, she is not trying to BE educated, she is trying to educate YOU.

I vote for no more replies....she is trying to manipulate you and get you to admit YOU are the problem, and that is not fair. PLEASE do not reply to anything more until you have spoken to SH. She is NOT listening to you, not one bit, so it is useless!!!!!!!

Agre with NT, it will go round and round and get worse and worse, as ALWAYS.

Please don't bite.

At very most, I would say something like this

I just can't handle anything at all right now, I will get back to you within a few weeks.

Well, shoot.

I agree that it's pretty easy to get dragged into an argument, but this was a question that she asked me, from her sole (shoe, that is), 2 full days before I left. I would really be inclined to NOT answer, except that I STILL have to deal with communicating issues regarding the house with her, pretty much DAILY, and probably for the next YEAR at least. I realize this is my d*** we're talking about, not the house, but so what if I reply with the replies I got to that question before I left on Friday?

Or am I trying to rationalize here. (of course I am...)

Of course you are.

She's baiting you. Drop it.

Don't worry...be happy?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

h4f:

You're right.

She's probably going to come right up that damned hill as soon as she hears my van go by, and want to argue in person for who knows how long...

Just trying to stave off a confrontation that WOULD require that I move to an apartment.