LOL...yea, you cyberfolk have restored a great deal of chuckling and outright peeing-in-my-pants-laughing to my life.

Say Pepper...can you do that to me and when I wake up I no longer crave fattening foods, and I'll enjoy exercising and cleaning?

hi 2long,

definitely say goodbye to your daughter privately. As your W drives to the airport with her alone, it will provide such a contrast to what should be happening- the two of you bidding her goodbye together at the airport and driving back talking about how your darling D is flying the nest. Let her experience the lonely drive back.

In the meantime what are you doing for yourself? To work on yourself. You didn't respond to the point I made about trying some uncharacteristic activities, expanding yourself as a person. Yes, it's a great idea to work with your son on a project, that is something you should do. If your wife didn't exist, what would you be doing now to fulfill your life? I think you should get out there and do some things besides work and besides focusing on your wife and posting to MB. At least DO one thing! Do one volunteer thing, one cultural thing, whatever- something you would not normally do... hey, tell me if you have any ideas regarding what I'm saying. Stop playing the chess game with your wife for the moment and focus on you.

The problem with your keyboard, 2long, is that it runs away on you. You have tried to use words to convince her and it hasn't worked. Sometimes less is more. Is there anything new you are telling her? Does she not know that continued contact with Rat Meat is the problem? But Steve is the best to advise you on this. I think you should respond to her in a limited fashion. Don't be rude, be polite and respectful. But don't engage. Your wife should be able to handle a week and a half of limited communications with you.

Where are my carkeys?

...why do I want my carkeys?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Cali interrupting thread for a special request...

Biscayne, a newbie, needs some assistance. D-day was a couple of months ago; he recently started posting and is considering plan B.

I would appreciate any of you out there who would read his posts and give him some of your words of wisdom.

Thanks.

2long... get to the bookstore NOW!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Cali

espoir:

"In the meantime what are you doing for yourself? To work on yourself. You didn't respond to the point I made about trying some uncharacteristic activities, expanding yourself as a person."

I have been thinking about that, though. I've thought about doing something that I haven't done in 10 or 20 years, like spend the night in Joshua Tree Ntnl Park in the summer with a full moon - nobody there 'cause it's too hot in the daytime, but great hiking in the moonlight and seeing all the wildlife. Stuff like that. Maybe work on my Model A, but that's in the garage and my W will probably want to work on the house on the weekends. I could work on it after work for a while, I suppose... ...but for some reason I think I'm supposed to go to a bookstore? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

"Yes, it's a great idea to work with your son on a project, that is something you should do."

Have to figure out when. Trouble is that he has friends over every day playing video games. I'd like to bring the planes over to the guest house or garage to work with him on them. I'll see what I can do.

"If your wife didn't exist, what would you be doing now to fulfill your life?"

Boy, the chick I knew isn't very evident right now! I'd be working on my cars or my scopes, maybe hiking and stuff.

"I think you should get out there and do some things besides work and besides focusing on your wife and posting to MB. At least DO one thing! Do one volunteer thing, one cultural thing, whatever- something you would not normally do... hey, tell me if you have any ideas regarding what I'm saying. Stop playing the chess game with your wife for the moment and focus on you."

I'm listening!!! I'm also trying to focus on me and away from her. But it's awful hard. We've rarely been apart for long in 28 years now. This is quite an adjustment.

"The problem with your keyboard, 2long, is that it runs away on you. You have tried to use words to convince her and it hasn't worked."

That's true.

"Sometimes less is more. Is there anything new you are telling her?"

Not really. Only thing "new" is this strategy to fend off her "bait" questions with plan B responses. In a way, I think that's only fair to her, and they were short enough to get the point but still leave her guessing.

"Does she not know that continued contact with Rat Meat is the problem?"

You know? I really think she DOES NOT KNOW. I reallly think that, even though I've repeatedly told her that this is the problem, there's still no "realization" going on up there.

"But Steve is the best to advise you on this. I think you should respond to her in a limited fashion. Don't be rude, be polite and respectful."

So far, I have done all of this. I'm glad that I've been able to vent what I think I'd LIKE to say here, though.

"But don't engage. Your wife should be able to handle a week and a half of limited communications with you."

I agree. I don't like that she's so good at baiting me to engage in an argument. But I haven't, yet. I'd like to think things will calm down over the next week or so, but I won't know until it's passed.

Thanks for your input!

2long: I'm pasting in a post from CSue, with my responses, that was on SC's thread. I don't want to detract from his thread.

2long: I realize as I started this post, that you guys will likely have no alternative now but to find out where I am, drive all the way over here, and beat the livin' snot out of me for trying, YET AGAIN, to "negotiate" myself out of plan B, but please bear with me (take a few moments to find the key to the gun cabinet and load your weapons while I type...).

CSue: "Originally posted by 2long:
CSue:
"BTW...2long, I honestly don't think it's a good idea for you to invite your WW to the 1st appointment with SH. Especially in view of her feelings in general re: MB Principles. My thought is that it gives her a chance to "squash you like a bug"."
How would she have a chance to do this? .
------------------------------------------------------------------------
She has the chance to do this because you are giving her the opportunity. In reading your thread others have said that they have perceived her actions towards you as trying to coerce you into "same behavior", "same response"; to avoid anything new or different.
Since counseling with MB is new and different I would hate for it to become a new battleground at t his point; once again distracting from the real issue."

2long: I gotta 'fess out that I don't understand this at all. In spite of the hurtful things my W has said that I've posted on this thread, she's been very fair NOT to get into an argument with me at our MC sessions (and Steve wouldn't even be speaking with us at the same time, right?). During the first visit, even when we both easily got upset in session, when the MC asked each of us "what do you want to get out of this Cing?" she replied "I want to know that, whatever happens, 2long will be okay." I, of course, said "I want to understand what went wrong in our M and try to correct those things and rebuild our M."

My reason for setting up an appointment with Steve at this time isn't so much because I've had to move out of the house, but because I've been frustrated with the lack of a definite "plan" or method with the Cs we have at Kaiser. Even my private IC seems to be just "feeling his way around" with me. I truly believe, now, that the progress I HAVE MADE is largely due to my reading and posting to this forum, seriously. Also, the Kaiser Cs don't seem to want to deal with hitting the A head-on at all, rather they seem to want to avoid the subject. I've often felt that my W's IC, in particular, has been spending the past 4 months simply getting my W to tell her "I started out as a child" story, because there was only ONE mention that W was asked anything about ENs met by OM. In short, the Kaiser team doesn't seem concerned about the sheer URGENCY of our situation since D-day (not that ANY M affected by an A is NOT urgent), because they've been unable to focus on THE AFFAIR, but rather ask questions about how we're interacting and listen to the responses. When, at the beginnning of nearly every session, we quickly got entangled in arguments about Rat Meat, the MC would offer a couple of short replies and we'd go on to our communication problems or something else, nothing really heavy or profound.

So, the thing that tweaks my gain knob the furthest to the right is the fact that the Cs WON'T work with us to deal with the R with Rat Meat much at all. And since it comes up at the beginning of every session anyway, sometimes brought up by me, but sometimes by my W (last time was by her), it's definitely on both of our minds.

I would (WILL) even go so far as to say that my W brings it up herself because she wants someone to step in and offer a magic solution to her "choice" dilemna just as much as I do. Similarly, lately she's been hinting that *I* tell my sisters and son what's happening because she wants to be "forced" to face the consequences of her actions, or because she doesn't believe that she can "stop it" on her own. It's kind of a test, where she wants to see if I am serious enough about saving our M to really help her with the problem. I even wonder if she's afraid to cut contact at this point, either for fear of her boss finding out about the A and ruining her, or some threat from OM or 'pact' with him that I don't know about. Whatever. He's certainly been doing his share of manipulating her the past 12 years.

Unless I'm wrong, Steve doesn't work that way. Sure, in cases like SC's, where the WS is lying to the BS AND the C, exposing and dealing with the A is delicate. But, in my W's case, it's been pretty much out in the open since D-day. Every time I have snooped since then, I've found her account of the A has been consistent with what I've found. The "friendship" issue has not been COMPLETELY open, of course, but my W has been willing to "try" to keep me informed of what's transpired. So, it's KNOWN that there are "privacy" issues, there's an understanding, of sorts that the continued contact IS wrong and damaging to both families (including recognition of that fact by OM, based on statements from him, related to me by W). My frustration with the Cing, then, is based on their ineffectiveness at glomming onto these "obvious" handles and taking advantage of their door-opening potential.

I'm hopeful that Steve will be able to make progress with this problem, just like I've read he can for others. THAT's why I'd like my W to C with him at the same time, or at least be aware that that's my desire for the long run, if not for the first visit. And telling her now that I've got an appointment with him doesn't seem counterproductive to me at all. Quite the opposite.

CSue: "quote:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by 2long:
I suppose she might think I'm wasting money on the Cing, but she might ALSO realize that I'm taking saving our M seriously, to have scheduled an appointment right after I left. .
------------------------------------------------------------------------
This sounds reasonable; is she being reasonable right now?"

Well, that's the rub. Since I've been a good boy and NOT responded to her baiting questions, I have absolutely no idea whether she is or even can be reasonable in this "new" situation. A very analytical and yet compassionate part of me is just DYING to find out. Before I left, even our best conversations about our problems, including Rat Meat, were hobbled somewhat by my inability to think on my verbal feet as well as my W. When I DID say something truly insightful, it would have an obvious impression on her thinking, and her behavior toward me, sometimes for days afterward. My frustration NOW is due to the feeling I still have that I'm missing a golden opportunity to express myself, my feelings, and my insight based on what I've learned from all of YOU, to her via email during this "time apart to think" between my leaving on Friday and my probable(?) transition to plan B after I talk to Steve in 8 days. So, there are two reasons that I would like to "negotiate" my way into a "pre-plan B" or "remote plan A" stage for this period of time:

Number A: I can compose my thoughts via my favorite weapon - the keyboard - than verbally, by one helluva long shot, AND I can count on this forum to review the tricky stuff and keep me from sending anything that would damage my efforts.

Letter 2: My W is a pretty analytical person, too. *She* does her best composing of her thoughts about her feelings verbally. Interestingly, though, she also writes very well, but ONLY when she dictates to me and I frantically write things down and help her edit them on the fly. We've had to do this because, due to the "severity" of her dyslexia, spelling and grammer checking software just doesn't work much at all. This process of writing is actually an interesting thing to watch, and I would honestly say that with her dictating and me typing, she can write a good science abstract faster than I can by myself. Make any sense? And writing science papers and dealing with critical reviews has made her less likely to "take offence" at written critiques. See what I'm thinking here?

And so, based on A and 2, above, I'd like to conduct a little experiment. If it fails, I'll shut up and consider Friday the beginning of my plan B. If it works, I'll consider this a remote plan A until I talk to Steve.

The experiment would be to take the one email from my W, the one about the "SF incident" and the "unilateral decision" from yesterday, and answer them by saying 1) that I haven't seen my C, won't until next Thurs, but here's what a couple of "normal people" had to say about that and whadaya think, and 2) something about how, yes, I understand her concerns when I make decisions without her, but what about the big one she's been making?

Quite honestly, knowing my W, I'll bet she'll appreciate my answers, even i she doesn't agree with them. And I doubt what I say will do anything to affect my plan A to this point in time, or my need to go to plan B after talking to Steve.

I'll put on my kevlar now and wait for your replies.

(2long ducks and covers!!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I would add to this the thought that I've been having, for a couple months now at least, that my W is trying to continue this "friendship" NOW exactly because the Cing has lacked focus and been ineffective. She already "knew" that NO CONTACT would be required before D-day. She told me so (and that's why she keeps saying she'd have to give up her career, because she equates her friendship with Rat Meat with her career - but I believe that I *CAN* show her otherwise, but ONLY if we communicate)....

<small>[ July 24, 2002, 02:18 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">2L; My reason for setting up an appointment with Steve at this time isn't so much because I've had to move out of the house, but because I've been frustrated with the lack of a definite "plan" or method with the Cs we have at Kaiser. Even my private IC seems to be just "feeling his way around" with me. I truly believe, now, that the progress I HAVE MADE is largely due to my reading and posting to this forum, seriously. Also, the Kaiser Cs don't seem to want to deal with hitting the A head-on at all, rather they seem to want to avoid the subject. I've often felt that my W's IC, in particular, has been spending the past 4 months simply getting my W to tell her "I started out as a child" story, because there was only ONE mention that W was asked anything about ENs met by OM. In short, the Kaiser team doesn't seem concerned about the sheer URGENCY of our situation since D-day (not that ANY M affected by an A is NOT urgent), because they've been unable to focus on THE AFFAIR, but rather ask questions about how we're interacting and listen to the responses. When, at the beginnning of nearly every session, we quickly got entangled in arguments about Rat Meat, the MC would offer a couple of short replies and we'd go on to our communication problems or something else, nothing really heavy or profound.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you read the section called "Well-Meaning Therapists" in chapter 1 of "Divorce Remedy"?
(It starts on page 29).

This is where Michelle describes the problems traditional therapists have in dealing with affairs, and the whole chapter is devoted to all the different people who might be a part of your life who influence these situations, usually in the wrong manner, and lead to divorce. The section is called "The Divorce Trap"...very good stuff about therepaists, and how NOT to listen to well-meaning friends & family.

Reading this, and my experience with 2 traditional family therapists, convinced me that the only way to go are "Infidelity Experts"; Harley people, Weiner-Davis people, etc. there's probably others too.

2 short excerpts:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ...Although it may seem strange, the whole premise upon which traditional therapy is based may not be conducive to helping people work out problems when the going gets tough. For instance, therapists are trained to encourage people to pursue the parts of their lives that will bring <strong>personal</strong> happiness and satisfaction, even if these goals are at odds with what's best for the marriage, the children, or even the individual in question in the long run. The therapist wants you to feel good and do whatever it takes to make that happen.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Another significant aspect of therapists' training that makes marriage preservation more challenging is the idea that in order to solve problems, people must first understand what caused the problems. What this means is that if a couple is having marital difficulties, instead of helping the couple identify things the can do <strong>immediately</strong> to feel closer and more connected, many therapists first gather lots of information about how each spouse was raised. This is unfortunate because research shows that the average time a couple expreiences problems before initiating therapy is six years! Six years! So by the time most couples seek help, they are in desperate need of answers. They don't need to become experts on why they are stuck! If therapy fails to offer an immediate sense of relief or hope that solutions are possible, most couples become more despondent and more likely to throw in the towel.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There. I finally said this!
Folks, THIS IS TRUE! I have lived it and can vouch for it. When we're in the middle of an affair, the LAST thing we need is to understand what childhood issues may have caused it, or to have both spouses pursue what's in their individual best interest.
What we need is "immediate relief" so the marriage can be saved; we'll have plenty of time later to find out that what our mom said freaked us out, and we'll certainly have time later to pursue our individual desires. What we need now is to save the marriage.

<small>[ July 24, 2002, 02:31 PM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

*Starts throwing all kinds of items (including platypusses) in 2long's general direction*

And don't even dare to get close to the e-mail program or I shall taunt you a second time!

I know it is tempting. I am very analytical myself. I think I have driven my xWH to the edge of insanity with my experiments. They did work and they worked well, but it was only because he was repentant, and he was plan A'ing me.

The reason because NC will work is because your WW has no idea what it is, you caught her off guard, she fell and she cannot figure out how to get up. Let her work it out. Dyslexia has nothing to do with being a a$$ and making hurtful remarks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

She needs to understand you have had it. I am sure she sits there thinking "OK, he'll walk through that door any minute now... any... minute... now..."

She can wait, darn you have waited longer than she has had to. You can wait and write a fool proof plan B letter, one she cannot even start to take appart, because there is nothing to take appart, you have to be clear, so clear she will walk straight to the truth and hit her head with it, like a squeeky clean window.

You have to stop wondering where she is or what she is thinking. Tough, but hey! You have the upper hand now. So stop wondering, and get on with something else. Pick a new hobby. Build some furniture... i need 2 bookshelves <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

********12 years********

You need SH's expertise all to yourself for now.

Relax. Let go. You cannot steer her boat. Your boat is about to run up onto the rocks ... pay attention to your boat. Let her boat drift awhile longer, after all ... it's been drifting 12 years already ... what's another 2 weeks?

((HUGS))

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

2Long, you need to find something to keep you busy, and I have a great idea!

I'll book you a ticket to Hewston (after all I did accumulate over 200,000 miles while my WW was busy getting sweet-talked by the OM), and you can help me with this confrontation, figuring out the next steps, writing a plan b letter (just in case), and all that other good stuff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

AND we can eat all the BBQ your heart desires, AND we can enjoy the wonderful Hewston summer weather, and we can go learn to dance the two-step, heck, there's lotsa stuff to do here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

There was a great post a few days ago about "choices" and how the WS loses his/her choice....like, there, now I've chosen for you, since you couldn't choose....anyone remember where it is?

SC:

That was Orchid's post, page 27

SC:

Don't tempt me!! We'd have to work on plan B letters at PeTe's. We can go on Saturday afternoon, when they have live zydeco music.

Get ourselves a couple of BBQ pork samwiches, with that THICK white bread that sticks to the roof of your mouth like a dog eating peanut butter, GOBS of their fine BBQ sauce, and a whole slug of barley sodas to wash it all down!

Got the quote...how'd you find it so fast?

Hey, as long as Zydeco and laptops can work together, I'm there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ok...joke time.

This man was injured in a terrible accident and lost his p*nis. At the hospital, the doctor came and and told the man and his wife that it could be replaced. He had the choice of a relatively small one for $5000, a "normal" sized one for $10,000, and a "hunka hunka burning love" large one for $20,000. The doctor said it was a big decision and for the man to discuss it with his wife. The doctor left and came back later. He asked the man if he had made a decision.

The man said, "My wife said she'd rather have a new kitchen."

Hi 2long,

I have been reading and thinking and thinking and reading. I can't see anything wrong with your logic about sending her an e-mail. If some of what you have said has really gotten through to her, sending her some thoughts now may ( as you have said) help her along. Especially since you think she really doesn't know that this is about continued contact with RM.

I had been thinking of advising you to do that before you set forth all your reasons.

You are not officially in plan B and don't know if Steve will advise you to do that. I can't think of any reason to continue to advise you to ignore her now that you have gotten away and are thinking clearly again. I really think for all the turmoil you have gone through, you are doing well. I am not sure of the reasons everyone continues to tell you to wait - but would love to hear them. I think we all get along enough that no one will throw things.

My reason for thinking you may as well go ahead is this:
If she really doesn't understand, I think no contact will drive you further apart. If she understands your reasons and then has time to think about them ( while you are still apart) it may bring some closeness and love. Especially if you explain that you still love her, are staying apart to do damage control until you get a handle on things, make decisions. With some explaining, she will know what the decisions will be.

What you have now is plan B without the letter, and I don't believe even Steve would advise this.
I think it creates more problems than it solves. One of the things the letter does is explains conditions for reconciling. She doesn't know those reasons, I believe that's bad.

One of the reasons you want to send mail so badly is that she still doesn't understand really why you left, and you want so badly to explain that. I believe you should.

I am tempted to give suggestions about what to include ( if it were me, I would say this) but will just throw this out for discussion first. I have problems this week spending much time on the boards, I don't just want to throw this out and leave but I have deadlines both at work and at home that can't wait. I am typing this on my lunch 10 minutes. I intend to help with this conversation but if I fail to return, please understand.

SS

I will add that I think you should only do one big one and then stop. I would not go back and forth with her. I think this should be explained in the letter to her, and the reasons.

SS

SS:

Thank you. I think you've described my concerns better than I could have.

I will compose something, but I will NOT send it until I've heard more feedback. And although I'm certainly motivated by my intense feelings of withdrawal from my favorite person in the whole world, I really am also motivated by an almost-certainty that communicating with my W via email - where we CAN'T raise our voices (or at least *I* can refrain from doing so) and thus damage the communication process, is probably a very good way to go for us. Remember, too, that so far as I've been able to determine through plan A, COMMUNICATION has been the biggest problem in our M for at least 12 years, possibly much longer (maybe even throughout). If I really do go to plan B now, I don't have the chance to even TRY this "new" method of communicating with her, and I seriously worry that we will simply fail to reconcile because we won't have a clue what the other person REALLY wants or needs. Remember, too, that I haven't even gotten more than a couple sentences verbal response from my W about what her top ENs are.

I just want the wonderful woman that I met and fell in love with 28 years ago. I think she's still there. I think she is ASKING for help to bring her out. And I KNOW that her Cing is failing miserably to do just that.

I await feedback. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ July 24, 2002, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by still seeking:
<strong>Hi 2long,

I have been reading and thinking and thinking and reading. I can't see anything wrong with your logic about sending her an e-mail. If some of what you have said has really gotten through to her, sending her some thoughts now may ( as you have said) help her along. Especially since you think she really doesn't know that this is about continued contact with RM.

I had been thinking of advising you to do that before you set forth all your reasons.

You are not officially in plan B and don't know if Steve will advise you to do that. I can't think of any reason to continue to advise you to ignore her now that you have gotten away and are thinking clearly again. I really think for all the turmoil you have gone through, you are doing well. I am not sure of the reasons everyone continues to tell you to wait - but would love to hear them. I think we all get along enough that no one will throw things.

My reason for thinking you may as well go ahead is this:
If she really doesn't understand, I think no contact will drive you further apart. If she understands your reasons and then has time to think about them ( while you are still apart) it may bring some closeness and love. Especially if you explain that you still love her, are staying apart to do damage control until you get a handle on things, make decisions. With some explaining, she will know what the decisions will be.

What you have now is plan B without the letter, and I don't believe even Steve would advise this.
I think it creates more problems than it solves. One of the things the letter does is explains conditions for reconciling. She doesn't know those reasons, I believe that's bad.

One of the reasons you want to send mail so badly is that she still doesn't understand really why you left, and you want so badly to explain that. I believe you should.

I am tempted to give suggestions about what to include ( if it were me, I would say this) but will just throw this out for discussion first. I have problems this week spending much time on the boards, I don't just want to throw this out and leave but I have deadlines both at work and at home that can't wait. I am typing this on my lunch 10 minutes. I intend to help with this conversation but if I fail to return, please understand.

SS</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is very persuasive; maybe SS's thinking is right?
Let's think about it;
Can being in Plan B without a letter do damage?
What does it do to the WS to not have the conditions for reconciliation?

Thoughts?
I know we can do this, Steve was proud of the way the forum guided me almost verbatim to what he would have done in my situation.

I agree that the best thing about this forum is that we've got a bunch of mostly like-minded people willing to work on a serious problem.

Again, my plea for "permission" to talk to my W now is definitely motivated in part by the fact that I miss her terribly, but I really do want to believe that it's also based on my desire to REALLY do this rebuilding stuff RIGHT, customized for our particular situation and personalities, if necessary.

I love my W.