Pepper:

nuh uh!

The LEG was amputated, I learned to WALK on the schlong! 2schlong!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

"2schlong" .... we've created a monster <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

A chronic philanderer is speaking to a group of couples at a marriage retreat ....

"I've acted tough and I've screwed a lot of women, but it hasn't made me more of a man. I've made a mess of my life and brought lots of heartache to others. I've apologized to Phyllis in private, but I think I need to do it in public too ... As an attorney, I was paid to convince everyone that I was right even when I knew I was wrong. Whenever you suspected I was having an affair, I would try to make you feel stupid and crazy. When it comes to normal marital sadism, I'm a master. Whenever you caught me in a lie, I claimed you were trying to control me. I criticized you for everything because I was afraid if you felt good about yourself, you'd leave me"

..."I still may, Eric"...

...Eric looks like he's just had the air knocked out of him. The man of words is momentarily at a loss for something to say.

"I understand that," He continues slowly. "At the moment I wouldn't pick myself either. That's the issue, isn't it? That's why I can't seem to break off my current affair. I haven't been able to choose between you and her because the choice isn't about which woman. It's about picking a man. Myself. And why should I? I've repeatedly violated my own integrity and lied to everyone __ including myself."

2schlong ... this is from Passionate Marriage .... not too much of a SF "how-to" book ... donchathink?

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ July 25, 2002, 07:13 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Got it, Pep!

Going by the bookstore on my way out in a few.

I've been thinking (I know, Pepper, with WHAT?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> )

What do yall think about this idea. I email my W and ask her if she'd like me to come over tomorrow evening, bring a pizza, and watch Farscape together. I wouldn't plan to stay, just "date".

I don't know. I haven't gotten a reply from her about the email I sent this am, though she did open it. Don't know where her haid is at, or whether this would be a good idea or not. I'm thinking, yes (based on Sad Dad's thread, and the advice he's getting even from Steve). Of course, she'd have to say "okay", not "NO", and not even "whatever".

Thotts?

Well ... Has she told you that she misses you?

P <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Well...

...no.

2schlong, I mean 2Long, you're just dying for an excuse to go over there aren't 'ya? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Don't think so...not with the MB police keeping tabs on you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

No, you guys are right. And Pepper's point is so well taken, I think I'm going to be sick.

Nothing in all those emails but anger or selfish "let me have my Rat Meat" comments.

I don't need that $h!t <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

2L ... I had been writing a reply to you for 20 minutes ... Cloudy came up and hit the keyboard with her paw ... and it's all "bye-bye"

I have to take a break and reply again later.

(And it was a really good reply too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

2long

2long

2long

She won't "get it" until you do.

2long(or 2schlong whichever you prefer) -
First I've got to get this out of my system...All of the "2schlong" material in this thread reminds me of a line from "Bachelor Party" with Tom Hanks...Tom and his bros were playing a trick on his fiancee and her family and friends who had been at a wedding shower but decided to go to a male stripclub. The trick was that they paid this guy, "Nick the Di*k" to serve them their hotdogs. The fiancee's mother happened to select the one that was actually his schlong in a bun. When she looked at it(still thinking it was just a hotdog) she said "is that a footlong?". His reply, "...and then some."...

OK, now to the most important point. You are in Plan B, right??? No matter whether you are in plan A, B, or one of your own design, the very most important thing, the only important thing, is CONSISTENCY!!!!!!!. You are counseling with Steve, so if he advises changes then do so, but until that point, you have to, I mean really have to maintain a steady course.

If you give in to these so-called "feelers" she is advancing, you will be sending her the message that having a little "rat meat" on the side is OK as long as she throws you a bone now and then(I swear these euphemisms are not intended). From everything I've read here, I truly believe that she is not coming out of the fog at all, just trying to find a way to be a "cake eater". My W tried to pull some of the same crap. Even though my Plan A wasn't perfect, even though there was a LB now and then, my message that there wasn't room for three people in this relationship never waivered. She always knew that keeping him meant eventually losing me.

Steve may see something and advise you differently, but for now you are in Plan B. Plan B means withdrawing from active participation in the relationship until the conditions of the Plan B letter are satisfied. Any contact from her sends you back and forth like the arm on a metronome, should I answer, should I not, if I do answer what do I say?. This is a neon sign proclaiming that you still have a lot of work to do on yourself. Work on defining the path you need to take, plant your feet in that direction and start walking.

You remember the old wives' tale don't you....feed a cold, starve a fog....

Be strong my friend.

*prepares platycake and rents a BIG van to kidnap every MB'er that has posted so far in this thread. Pre-orders a couple dozen pizzas and gets half a dozen kegs and several liters of coke.*

Alright, who is up to raid 2long's house on Friday and watch a nice Farscape episode? We can play the Farscape drinking game!!!

HP:

You're right about the consistency. But I'm not "officially" in plan B, though it's starting to look like the best description of what I need to be doing right now. Also, I haven't talked to Steve yet, that's next Thursday, so I don't even know whether he'll advise plan B at that time and I haven't written a plan B letter.

So, all the symptoms that I should have done what I did, but without the 100% confirmation that it was the right thing.

Stopped by the bookstore and picked up Passionate Marriage, and then decided while I was there, I'd pick up SAA as well.

So, I've got reading material. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Q: since I'm trying to survive an affair, should I read SAA first? Or read the chapters out of PM first?

<small>[ July 25, 2002, 08:53 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

2Long ... you are not in plan-A/almost plan-B trying to get W to choose you by being a *good boy*. You are being a *good boy* in your plan because that is YOU choosing the MAN you want to be. You are making choices about YOU ... what you stand for ... where your boundaries are ... defining your integrity and your self-worth. Exploring your strengths and weaknesses.

Your W is not torn between choosing between 2 men (although she doesn't realize this yet) ... she is choosing a SELF. Her actions will define what she stands for, where her boundaries are, define her integrity and her self-worth. She is discovering her strengths and weaknesses.

It is not about which man she loves ... it is about her loving herself and developing herself further into who she wants to be ... not how others "see" her ... but her essence, her core. There is no one who can do this for her. She cannot borrow an identity from your desire for her.

You miss her so much, but are you missing you? .... What part of yourself are you discovering ... What strengths? Weaknesses? Boundaries?

Who is 2Long???

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You're right about the consistency. But I'm not "officially" in plan B, though it's starting to look like the best description of what I need to be doing right now. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">One thing to consider, 2Long, is not if YOU are perceiving it to be a "Plan B", but rather what HER perception of it is.

If she has perceived your departure as a method of "communicating a point", then to alter that state could possibly cause her to sense you as "wavering". Not good.

Just my............2cents (Sorry....couldn't resist)

hcii

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Your W is not torn between choosing between 2 men (although she doesn't realize this yet) ... she is choosing a SELF. Her actions will define what she stands for, where her boundaries are, define her integrity and her self-worth. She is discovering her strengths and weaknesses.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If that quote ain't one for the archives, I don't know what is.

Now.....if only the WS could see it.......

hcii

2long, who are you STILL focusing on? Why did you send your wife yet ONE MORE "clarifying" email? What did you really think it would accomplish?

Passionate Marriage is about learning to focus on yourself. You desperatly need to get this through your 2thick head (sorry, everyone else was doing it!!).

I know you fear losing your wife...but 2long, you sure as H3LL don't have her now.

For someone who wants things to turn around quickly...you are actually aiding to slowing down (if not seriously setting back) the process.

Read the D@mn book before I have to come over there and attempt the osmosis method from the OTHER END!!!

Oh, and for the record...I don't think she's pondering what you wrote to her, I think she's letting you sit and check your email every 5 seconds wondering what she's thinking. Could be wrong...but it would be a first ;-) LOL!

Okay guys. I think I'm actually starting to hear SOME of this stuff!!!

But ol' 2long has a skull kind of like a Pachycephalosaurus - about 10 inches thickness of bone protecting my precious brain. Idn't that handy?

I always thought of it as a "feature." Now my three brain cells are starting to recognize my own stubborness at work here, keeping me from realizing the necessity of the method I've adopted. I just wonder how much of how screwed up my M is due to my thick skull all these years, versus my W's A. probably.