</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Tonight my 10 year old cried for a solid hour about how awful her life was. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Poor baby, it breaks my heart! Can she call him? the sad thing is the children won't go to the WS for comfort because they usually feel: one false move and dad will abandon me and stop loving me like he did mom. So we have to deal with our hurt and our children's hurt. It is soooooo hard! But I would encourage your D to call him and let him know how she feels. NOT you call, HER call!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I would like for her to know that I am still standing for my marriage, I am strong, and I know that at some point their relationship will crater, since it is built on lies and deception anyway. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think the letter should be extremely short to ensure she reads it. I like the part about standing for your marriage BUT I think if you mention that at some point their relationship will crater she might take that as a challenge and try and prove you wrong. Use "I" statements. Take your time to pray and think about it cause remember you only want to do this once. Choose your words carefully.

kk2002,

Once again, I have to agree with spacecase. Now that you are in Plan B, I can feel that you feel hopless to fix the marriage and you are reaching out to do something, anything. Am I right?

These A's are like sticky tarbaby's. Do not get stuck in the mess. It is your WH's problem, let him fix it now. Move on with your life and put all that attention you were giving your WH to your children. They need you right now soo much.

Remember that you have statistics on your side. THE A WILL DIE!!! Keep saying this to yourself because it is TRUE. Your marriage has many many more chances of survival then the A. Give it some time and move on with your life. Take this time to find some fun things to do with the kids. Go to a waterpark this weekend or something. Kids love that stuff.

Dear Chameleon,
Thanks for your reply. I will keep telling myself that the A will die, and I do really feel like he will wake up one day. Thanks for the encouragement.

Spacecase: I am rather slow at moving on, but I can't MAKE him return to me. I don't see how he could NOT eventually see his mistakes...so someday, well, we'll see. I still have hope. I just can't imagine me with someone else, ever. But I really loved being married, for the most part anyway.

Iluv,
That's a good idea to let my daughter call her dad and tell him how she feels. I kinda doubt she will, but I will encourage her to do so. And about the letter to the OW, I'll have to think for a while about it, and pray of course. I can't even focus on that until after I move, so maybe in three weeks, I'll have a better idea of what to say. I'll run it by you first.
KK

Hi KK< Just returned from a couple of very motivating and encouraging days in Dalls, tx- with what... LOTS OF SMART, BEAUTIFUL AND CAPABLE WOMEN... yes we are. I know I find it hard to believe I have to do this... meaning the single parent thing all by myself.. and I hate it when the kids go visit, and I hate my h's attitude. Now, I want my kids to see and love their dad... but not when he is like this... he is such a bad example... etc. it is horrid....

Anyway, I see you being strong. I know it is very difficult. I agree with luvnprotect on confrontation of ow... doesnt have to confront... but reality ck letter of a sort.... I talked to ow several times and saw her in person one time... now it was real for her then what she was doing... she actually told me she felt a tiny bit bad in the end about all of this... not too much now?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You know ow's are selfish sorts! and diff. breeds... at least in my opinion... sorry to all ws who read.. but it is still my heartbreak talking... I do have a gf who is involved with a mm , and as much as she and I hate it... she loves him... and thinks they will eventually be together.. it troubles me. He of course tells her the horror of his wife -and at times... it seems like gee... this man has it so bad, who blames him... but his actions are wrong and so are my friends, though I love her dearly...

enough about that.... just wantedf you ws to know I am not total barbarian.

anyway, kk, thinking of you. think about the ow lter, post it, and think some more... even just writing out sample or pretend letters to send can be very therapeutic... you can also write letters to your h... this has been helping me... it gets it out!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Hugs, HONEY

Hi KK

Hope the move goes/went well. Have you got something special planned for youself this week to do? Something fun? If not, why not get a massage?

I like what Cameleon said - that statistics are on your side for a death of the A AND....you will have many more chances throughout life to be reconciled - you guys share children for life.

As Space said, it seems your heart is wanting to find a way to fix everything - but youre in Plan B which means a new approach to working on your love for him - just make sure you work on yourself the most.

Definately get your D to ring him, keep encouraging her. Let the grace of your words be an example to her to follow.

Dancer