Not sure what it is I do wrong but i get a few replies and then silence.
Have just waved my sons off with their dad for three weeks- one on holiday with him and then 2 staying with him and OW in their home. The boys seemed to be happy and adjusted to the idea though I will miss them and they will miss me. I will see them at w/e in that 3 week period so it isn't all silence. Now i just need ideas to fill my non working life with to stop me getting to broody and low about the whole situation.
Jante

Hi jante,

I have read this thread with interest because at Christmas my stbx's plan is to take the children away for a holiday with OW, play happy families and introduce OW to his parents. My kids met OW once before, but they do not know it is still going on, nor that their father will probably marry her. I have not told them because I believe that is HIS job.

I am not happy about it, but we will likely be divorced by then, and I know the situation is going to cause my children a lot of pain. They don't see their dad because he works overseas, and when he comes to see them at Christmas, they will have to share him the whole time.

I will not be forcing them to go on this holiday...if they do not want to go, and I am SURE my middle child won't, as she STILL has issues about meeting OW a year ago, I will not force them. Stbx is yet to know that because I will tell him once he tells THEM of his plan.

My stbx never takes the blame for anything however, and if the children do act up when he has them, he will say it is because of the way I am raising them, what he assumes I said to them, and not because of the HURT he is causing them to be in the situation they will find themselves.

As far as OW being around, well I do not want her to set foot on my property either, and I do not want to even lay eyes on her. So I am working out some sort of plan where he picks them up on his own...whether he likes it or not.

Sorry to go on, but I just wanted you to know that I think you are very strong doing it like you did, and I know it must have been very difficult for you.

Love and light,

Jacky

Thanks for your support Jackie. I don't feel strong but did what I felt was best in veryones interests. The kids are still not happy about spending time with OW and I told H that was the case and let him make the decision and insist for himself that hey went. they know I have to work and that is partly why it is happening. That said the OW seems to have an understanding of what the children are feeling ans is doing her best toput them at ease. I still hope that this lengthy time togther will do 2 things- wake H up to how the children are growing asn changing which he doesn't recognise at the moment, and burst H and OW's bubble of fairy tale romance. This is real life with real children involved. The children themselves seem to be strong and I will /have given them lots of love and support through it all.
Jante

Well nearly a week since the boys went to stay with their F and I have a clean tidy house- but too quiet. I'm enjoying my freedom but missing them like mad. They seem to be enjoying themselves at our old home with all their friends. However next week they go to stay with H and OW and that is already causing me heartache thinking about her playing mum too them. I know she can never replace me with them even if she has with H but it still hurts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Jante

I saw your post today,
I went thru similar ituation very short time after separation so, you know, I can understand you completely.
It is realy strange how these men, who were once in love with us (I have to believe in that), who were dedicated to their families, suddenly lost any respect to the former family. How , at least in front of kids, they do not feel any shame. How they can put their kids to the second place....
Oh, how I understand you!

Just these days I am struggling with questions about the past, did I make some unreparable mistakes towards my yd:
How it may be that everybody (xH, kids, ILs, friends, neighbours...and in fact me, cause I didn't complain, at least not too much)take for normal the fact that xH moved OW in (our) house 2 months after he kicked me and YD into our unfinished flat. OW slept in our bed almost still worm, on our sheets....3 months after that he, OW and YD went on skiing together. And the divorce process was not even started then. At the same time (see my signature) OD by her decission lived with them and was satisfied (so she claimed).

I don't now why I am thinking right now about those facts. That period obviously passed "beside" me, like I was unconcious. Maybe I was (suicide attempt, 70 pounds weight loss...)
In fact I know why now.
Cause yd is last 2 months with xH , visited me only for 2 (two) days during this period , decided that she would live with xH and OW(ife) and little brother from now on. Again nobody asked me for opinion "Let it be how YD chose...She is unhappy in new school... let her return to "her" surrounding..." him hiding in those words: "you are not a good mother while she chose me and my wife". Again this is quite normal, cause I am "bad and guilty so he HAD to find a lover".
(OD lived with them 1.5yrs and then escaped and now is for 1yr with me)

So be sure I understand you, I know how painful this is but I don't know how to help- I even don't know how to pray- but I have you in my thoughts, if it helps.

You can imagine how I feel now, aware that YD will during most time be with them, she never complains to OW, so she is obviously good to YD, but I am afraid how it will look like when school starts, homeworks, duties, when living with dad is not only game, holiday, play...
I'll see.
For now everyone seems happy, except me.

Hope these lonely days will pass soon for you.

Love
D

Hi folks-
Well I know i should be rejoicing that my children are enjoying themselves- and of course I'm pleased they are happy ,for them, but I feel so down for myself. Have come off the phone from them with tears streaming down my face. They are having a wonderful time with OW and Dad seeing the sights of London and i want to be there sharing there pleasure. I miss them- though I relish the peace and wuiet and have been told how refreshed i look for not having to look after the children and cope with the arguments. I think thats part of what hurts so much- i get the day to day hassles of family living and as much as i love my kids its hard work- they seem to be getting the fun holiday activities with no real idea of day to day problems. Sorry i know this is a moan and I need to get beyond that and find peace and calm in it all.
jante

Hi folks - need a bit of surgery at the moment, the knife thats lodged in my heart needs removing. H and kids arrived here at 10am with OW. H then had to get the padlock off the boat that has been sat on my drive for last 1 year. OW hovered outside at first when he came in so I told him to invite her in. they both a cup of tea and H fetched my tools and set to work on padlock. In meantime OW and i made small talk - for 1 and half hours!!
Now they have gone for their romantic weekend away. I just wish this pain would end- i start to feel detached and then something like this happens and I have to look at their togetherness. In a way I have grown apart from H and am not sure how we could ever get back after all this time but I envy them having each other. My life is so lonely as I realised this last fortnight how few fruiends I have here in Chesterfield. The friends I have all have husband and children and so most evenings they are busy. I know i asked H to have the children for the next few days but my nights are going to be so lonely.
Sorry for the moan.
Jante