Thanks MITT -- Tonight is a bit better. My WH is still on his business trip in a location where he cannot call (sounds like baloney but it isn't/he's working in rural/mountainous part of the state where there is little cell reception). He just called to tell me he was going out of range. Just two months ago I would have been freaking out because of the past history with the OW.

I still dislike the fact that they work together and will be at a meeting together on Thursday (that my boss arranged/he knows about the whole thing and he doesn't buy into the no contact thing and thinks we should all just be adults and it shouldn't effect our professional life).

My latest peeve is that this awful therapist we saw together last summer has contacted my WH to see how he is doing. We are all going to be at a wedding together in a few weeks and she just wanted to see how he was doing. First of all -- what I know in hindsight -- this therapist got together with her current husband as an OW. Secondly, she's this awful touchy feely do whatever makes you happy therapist. Her advice to us last summer (when I did not know about the A, but was very concerned about the state of our marriage) was that I should try and be more enticing in the bedroom. Our second meeting with this chippie was centered around revisiting our childhood. Meanwhile I am repeating over and over that there seems to be a communication breakdown and could we address that issue first before we look at our childhoods. The third meeting my WH went by himself and this woman actually said to him that affairs in and of themselves might be good ways to test a marriage that is dying/see if you still love your spouse. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (WH did not tell me this until after d-day defending himself).

As you might guess I have a) no respect for this woman/therapist and b) am absolutely appalled by the fact that she recently contacted him to see how he was doing. I know that she knows via mutual friends (not that I am anything close to a friend of hers) that my WH is struggling. I can only guess the kind of garbage she will tell him like "If you're confused it's probably an indicator that you're incompatible with your wife and you should go do whatever makes you happy".

I told WH that this woman really bothered me and that it would really hurt my feelings if he sought out her assistance as I did not find her to be all that helpful last summer. I told him that I find it a little bizarre that our former COUPLES counselor would contact him and him alone.

This wedding is going to be a trigger all over the place with inappropriate therapist there plus two of my WH's friends who are having affairs themselves. I'd like to boycott but the couple actually getting married are wonderful and supportive of both of us and I want to honor them.

unsureheart,

WOW, this counselor sounds like one of the most unprofessional and UNETHICAL people I've ever heard of. I would also have an extremly hard time with her calling your spouse. I guess it would be another thing IF she called your house and left a message, "just wanted to see how the two of you were doing???"

To blatantly suggest an affair for marriage health reasons -- I don't blame you for fuming!
Is she licensed and can you make a complaint with the state board or is this one of those things just better left alone because she is a distant acquaintance?

I hope your H agrees with you that he SHOULD NOT see her alone and I know you would not go as a couple (I hope).

I know also what it is like to be around other people that are in the middle of A's. One of my closest friends of 30 years is also in the middle of a D as the result of yet another of his A's. He and I almost had to let our friendship go a year ago because I am obviously quite opinionated about this. The main thing that kept us together though is he has had serial and serious A's which have lead to near D before. This time he says it's not fair to keep putting his W through this. He admits a problem but has done little to correct himself and yet is in another serious relationship. I feel so sorry for his W because she has put so much heart and soul into this M (for 22 years) with nothing to show for it but "a messed up life," and now, I even feel sorry for the OW in this case because I know him way to well -- it will happen again! Needless to say, if the topic of infidelity comes up, it can be stressful at times when we're together.

Well I'm sure the business trip will work out OK. Let us know what happens!!!

MITT

Thanks MITT -- I actually feel better after writing out the baloney with the unethical and unprofessional therapist. She did call my WH on his cell phone and just ask how he was doing/I did not get any call from her.

It is better left alone as long as WH agrees he isn't going to see her. She "counsels" several of his friends. I have told one of these friends exactly what I think of this therapist and his reaction was that you have to find a "fit" with a therapist and sometimes it doesn't work out. I agree with that statement, but I think this latest episode goes too far.

In the scheme of things, this is the least of my worries, but I certainly needed to get off my chest how I feel about this before I go to the wedding. It's safe to do it here at MB because people here know what you're going through. So many others do not and have all kinds of pat advice. I truly appreciate the fact that this forum exists and is full of caring people struggling with the same thing. I believe it is a gift and I have learned so much.

Thanks for being there MITT, pq, heartpain, Nick and others.

unsureheart - If you have the time, here are a couple of old posts of mine that might help. The first one was about "dueling therapists"(mine and W's) Her IC also did our short MC(what a mistake!!)

Some closure -- sorry very long(Sheba, nb, lostva please read)

This next one is a recent pointer to an old post. Follow the link. There was some discussion of Plan A/B, and "no contact" that you might find interesting. Note in the replies that Just Learning was as wise then as now...

An oldie and moldy....

Hope these are helpful and/or insightful. They will also show you what kind of doofus I was at the time....

Thanks heartpain -- I'll try and read these now. I think we've all gone through the doofus stage (some of us more than once <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I know he's back from his business trip and at his office by now, but he hasn't called. I need to be patient I know -- it's just hard knowing that the first person he sees when he gets back is the OW.

I'm going to go get something really nice for lunch -- maybe I'll just have an ice cream cone and nothing else (usually I am a health food girl, but I feel the need to do something bad for me). I do feel as if my troubles are silly today though. I learned from a good friend that another friend from college has breast cancer.

Much has happened since this last post. We had a good weekend camping (9th and 10th), but then ran into the OW at a concert and that plunged WH into a depression. I didn't speak to him for a couple of days -- despite the fact that we both attended a political fundraiser together. Just said hello no more.

Last night, he called and asked to come over to take a hike. He walked into the house and started to cry and said that his job was killing him. To backtrack on the job...my WH has some boundary problems with work and always has. He routinely works 70-80 hours a week and rarely takes a vacation. It has been a major point of tension between us as long as I can remember (now, I understand better how to negotiate about that through the MB principles, but it's the current situation). It is a very stressful job and it is compounded by the fact that he had his A with a young employee.

We had a great hike and then dinner with him telling me about the monumental problems at work and that he was really contemplating quitting. He has said this before, but his job has always been closely tied with his self-esteem. He could get another job, but probably not with the same prestige and pay. I told him I would love him no matter what he did because I knew he would give anything his all and his paycheck wasn't the highest priority.

Then he started doing laundry (we're separated, but I've always let him come over and do his own laundry here). He asked how I was doing and then said he was still really unsure about life, his job, our relationship. I told him I was ok but didn't know how long I could stay in this holding pattern (I KNOW that was dumb and I'm kicking myself). He then started in with the "I'm not attracted to you" "I'm not in love with you" "Don't abandon me though because you are all I've got/my true best friend/I cannot imagine life without you" "I can't commit to working on our marriage because I can't imagine ever making love to you again".

Not real confidence boosters. I started to cry (I haven't done that in months). I asked him to please leave and give me some time alone. I just knew I would not be able to hold it together if we stayed engaged in that thread of conversation. He asked if I wanted a divorce. I said no, I did not want a divorce, but that I couldn't make him have feelings for me again. He asked if I wanted him to stay away/not call for a while. I told him I thought that was best. I wasn't angry, but tears streaming down my face with sadness. I felt awful and did not sleep.

I got to work this morning and he had sent me a copy of a letter he had drafted in the middle of the night resigning from his job. He sent a second email later saying that he was going to sit on it for a few days, but he was firm in his decision. The email also said "I can only guess that we should proceed with a divorce". I was deflated and felt like I had blown it last night with all the progress we had made recently.

A third email came asking if we could talk. I emailed back that I did want to talk, but needed some time (I really have to get my thoughts together so I do not blow it again like I did yesterday with my impatience). I did state that if he needed to talk specifically about his job decision we could do that tonight.

On the one hand, I am relieved that he is resigning. The job is killing him and is partly to blame for the A (co-worker) and continuing contact with OW. I know it is the best thing, but also know that it might destroy what is left of his self-esteem.

Any thoughts?

(((Unsureheart))) I am not posting as much as my internet's down and I've been ill. I have to access from work and don't want to over do it, but I saw your post and my heart truly goes out to you.

I think that it is your H's decision about resigning and it must be his alone. He knows his job is killing him but he's caught up in image - just like my H - this will not make him happy, happiness is knowing you are OK without the prestige, without the money, without anyone. Yes, his self esteem may be destroyed, but this is an opportunity for him to learn the above if he chooses to do the lesson. Again, its his choice to take the lesson and I hope he does, otherwise you keep getting the same lesson until you 'pass'.

The consequences for your marriage - I don't know it could go either way, it depends on him to wake up.

Its sounds like he is trying to get you to say you want a divorce, could this be right? Could it be so he dosen't have to 'take the blame/responsibility' for it and thus not seem like the 'bad person'? Again I don't know.

All I can say is that I pray for you, I hope he wakes up out the fog he's in and that if he dosen't he is very stupid. I can see you love and support this man and his words to you are denial/fog (the I'm not attracted, blah blah). Maybe you could challenge him on these and ask him what he wants from you because what he says hurts. I don't know USH, others here are better at this than me, sometimes I don't feel my advice is very good. Another reason I don't want to post too much anymore.

I'll keep up with you girl, hang in there.

Seahorse -- I was so glad to see that you posted. I have been wondering what is happening with you and your life. I am sorry to hear that you have been sick. I will check on your other post tonight.

No, I don't think he wants a divorce. This is the first time he has brought it up and it was more of a question to me. I am sure he thinks about running away from all of this/getting a divorce, but he is also just plain miserable about everything right now.

I almost went to plan B last night/work on my letter, but frankly, I am scared. We have made some progress over the past two months and I know that his progress is hindered by seeing OW everyday. Even though she has moved on; I don't think he has and she still represents running away from it all.

I don't really know what to think right now. I am just as confused as he is. I can't do this limbo pattern forever and it's been almost a year since SF (I know it's his highest EN, but he hasn't been interested since last fall and makes it a point to tell me he cannot be/has no desire to be intimate with me). This is all despite the fact that he says I am definitely looking good/meeting the physical appearance EN and meeting the recreational companionship EN. I think part of his aversion is his extreme guilt. We did have SF while the A was going on up until last fall when I started regularly interrogating him about his bizarre disappearances and relationship with his employee.

I was pretty down last night and my day at work was pretty unproductive. I was physically but not mentally present. I am not ready for plan B because I do still have love for him and also know that this step to resign from his job is monumental.

Not clear on my direction, but I think I can muster another week of trying to plan A by offering to be an ear for this decision. I did tell him that we needed to avoid relationship talk while he was making this decision. Two big things at once would just be too much for either of us.

How are you?

Wow, unsureheart, that's quite some developments. But the bottom line I would say is fairly positive actually:

- changing jobs (especially if, as you say, it's strongly connected to his self-esteem) is a big upheavel... if you're there for him as "his only constant" in life, you'll be depositing quite some LUs.
- changing jobs will FINALLY move him away from OW... away from the temptations, the innuendo, the glances, the memories.

Of course, his comments were not really flattering. BUT, what do you expect from someone who is probably ridden with self-guilt, low on self-esteem and possibly still a bit in la-la of an unreal dreamworld he has constructed in his mind with OW?

Give the ol' plan A another while is my recommendation - especially now as WS might come into a more 'receptive' phase.

Unsure- I feel for you- my H also was very withdrawn and didnt want to work on our marriage after he ended his A. In fact every time he or OW called each other at all it set the whole process back quite a bit.He did go to therapy with me ( I told him we needed it to be good parents to our kids during this) but he would just sit there and say he didnt know if he wanted our marriage or not. That drove me CRAZY! This was even a month after he had filed for D on me at the urging of OW and then he cancelled it. He was physically distant from me too and we hadnt been intimate in 8 months by this time due to pressure from OW and then H going thru a major depressions and withdrawal. I found that what worked best for us during this time was my doing a very diluted Plan A- avoiding relationship talk and asking for commitment or affection, instead I just did small things for H and myself like cooking nicer food and shopping for small things we wanted- stuff like that.I also got more involved in Bible studies and stuff at church and urged H to join stuff there too. I think he needed a whole spiritual awakening at this point. It seemed to help alot as well as continuing therapy even though he just sat there at first. In my case H and OW had worked closely together but she took a job transfer to try to force him to divorce me- however even after she moved she and H were still talking on the phone and he even moved into her condo for 6 wks while it was up for sale. So trying to make any 'headway' during this time was totally futile. I tell you this because I KNOW in my case that if H and OW had continued to work together I really think my H and I would be divorced by now. It was hard enough to deal with their 'incredible love/lust' affair even with them separated. My best advice for you is to take baby steps with H and don't expect too much at first. My H didnt really start to feel close to me until about 3-6 months AFTER all contact finally ended between him and OW. Patience is a real virtue here.I am now one year past his filing for D on me and we are on our second marriage counselor- still go every couple of weeks and are very involved in church as well as going to marriage wkend seminars. Take care- lifeismessy

Nick and Lifeismessy -- Thank you for your words of encouragement. I did briefly talk to WH by phone last night. He said he was unsure about quitting his job, but that maybe he could ask for 6 weeks off. I don't know if that's long enough, but it's so badly needed in terms of a) re-charging his batteries/zest for the job/any job and b) really withdrawing from OW.

I don't want to push a decision and can only offer up questions for him to think about. I told him I could be his best friend and he could call any time. I don't want to be a doormat, but in thinking about the difference between now and two months ago we have made significant progress. He is more comfortable being around me and the A has ended (even if he may still pine for the A; there is no PA and the EA has died down significantly/OW has a new single guy boyfriend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> per another employee).

I need to be patient, but surely need continued encouragement through this forum. It has been a calming influence and a crucial boost in my ability to keep trying.

unsure...

It looks like we are on the same time frame here...

d-day for me was 2/01 and I have been at MB since 3/01....

My WW and I have actually separated twice...she came home for a while last summer but that turned out to be a false recovery...she left again at the beginning of this year so we have been separated nearly another nine months...

I could have written your original post on this thread. My WW has said pretty much all of the same things to me and still is sitting out there trying to decide what is the best course for her to follow.

I am pretty much certain that OM has been out of the picture since Feb/March of 2002...I have heard just about every waffle word and excuse for not being able to commit since then. I am not sure if she is waiting to make certain he is done with her (he broke it off) or if she just is so truly confused that she doesn't how or if she can commit to what once was to her the most important person in the world--me.

I too, wonder if I have wasted the past 18 months of my life. But you know, I guess I have learned some things about myself and become stronger.

I am at a point now where I am beginning to care less and less what she does because she has shown little commitment to what was a truly wondeful marriage before her brain scrambled...

About all I can tell you is that, if you want your M, you have to hang tough. I can tell you from experience that is easier said than done and if you have been hanging in there for 18 months you probably already know that.

Hopefully your H will recognize in time what you have done and gone thru for your relationship...I hope my WW does at some point because even though she says she understands now, I truly don't think she "gets it."

The problem is that by the time our spouses "get it" we might very well have moved on...sad but true.

I don't know how encouraging this has been but at least you know that you aren't alone and that others are going thru the same thing hearing songs sung from the same songbook...

Good luck to you on your journey...

E

Thank you Elad -- In a weird way it does help to hear from others that have walked this path before me/are hearing the same things. It is more than a little weird that those engaged in A's all say the same things.

I thankfully have a fun weekend planned without WH./ with two really good friends He knows what my plans are and when I am free and it is up to him to ask me to do something with him.

The big trigger will be the wedding next week.

Just had the most difficult, but calm, 2 hour conversation with WH yet over the phone. He described for me why he feels hesitant. He says that he has read all of "these affair" books that I had in th house and that he wishes what they said was true, but that he really did feel a connection to the OW and that he did plan to spend the rest of his life with her. Calmly and without crying (boy was that hard) I asked if that was the case, why didn't he leave me, divorce me and run off into the sunset with her. He was silent. He really did not have an answer for a bit and then said that he didn't want to hurt me and that for whatever reason, the OW didn't want to be a part of the pain of the relationship any more.

I asked him whether he thought seeing her every day at work was throwing him back on a daily basis to wishing for the relationship with OW. He said yes, but that she wants nothing to do with him. I then asked if that was the case, wasn't it possible that continuing to work together was part of what was causing this paralysis for him on being able to re-commit to trying to work on our relationship. He said yes.

The conversation continued with him asking me what I thought love was and how did I know I was in love with him. I said that it was hard to describe exactly, but it came from a place deep inside me and that it was an ache in my soul whenever I thought about life without him. That I knew I loved him or wouldn't still be here with any hope. That love had in fact transformed me. Previously, I had been impatient, but now I had a patience I did not know I was capable of. Previously, I would have not been able to listen to him while he described feelings for another person without being very sarcastic and cutting. Previously, I would have run far and fast in the face of the constant reminder that he felt he was in love with someone else. Love has given me the ability to stand up for my marriage and that frankly I hadn't been doing a very good job of that prior to the A.

He was silent.

He is currently talking about taking a month off from his job to figure out what he wants to do with his job/career. He is very scared to quit the job cold turkey, but knows that the current situation is not sustainable for him and cuts out the other important pieces in his life, such as mountaineering and his general health.

We talked for a long time about what questions he needs to think about in considering a job change.

I didn't cry until the end of the conversation when he thanked me for being there. I did not lovebust, which was a miracle considering everything we talked about concerning the OW and his feelings.

I still don't know where this is going. He wants to wake up one morning and just be struck with a pining romantic love for me before he decides to move home or recommit. I don't think that is realistic at this point, but I'm not ready to give up. Am I nuts?

The other thing he said was that he woke up yesterday morning and cried hard for an hour in a panic that I would not be his friend anymore. Personally, I think that's a hint of love for me but he just can't see it. Maybe I'm fooling myself.

Unsureheart, sometimes when we have no emotional attachment to a situation (even though we are in a similar predicament) we can see things quite clearly.

I think, from what you have said, that your H still loves you very much. Your actions have made him realise that he has something to treasure (you). I think if you can find it in yourself to continue to act as you are then you will most likely reap the rewards (him). I really admire your strength, I wish I could have plan A'd longer but couldn't.

You have your answer now from the 'horses mouth', hopefully OW will somehow disappear off the face of the earth and your H can get on with it. Obviously she is going to go through all the men at office - lovely (not). Maybe the 6 weeks off will allow your H to see her for what she is.

Personally I wonder if I should have plan B'd as it seems that my marriage is over now-no contact for 5 weeks. Maybe I should have kept at plan A, I don't know. What can I do now? I sometimes wonder if my H will think that I'm punishing him, that I'm not really his friend. I don't know, its too late now, isn't it? It sux and I'm pissed off at the world, myself and my husband. I'm pissed off at plan B, plan A and everything. I'm angry!!!

If I sound down, I'm not in every part of my life, just this bit, other than that life is wonderful and I'm doing well. Weird huh? I do miss being held and SF though - maybe that's part of my anger? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Seahorse -- I am always so glad when I see your post late at night -- I worry when I don't see you post, but that's silly because you are the strongest damn woman <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I cannot imagine how you feel with no contact from mr. head up his rump all this time. You were so strong to be able to go to plan B. Like you, I wonder if what I am doing is the right approach.

I don't think there is a right or wrong approach to when you do or don't go to plan B. If you felt your love disappearing, which you did then, then it was the right time. I only keep going in plan A on a day to day assessment of what I can take and whether I am losing more love or gaining some small hope. Somedays I think "is this guy worth this pain and suffering" and other days I think "I can keep doing this", but it is REALLY HARD. I know you know that.

WH brought up the divorce possibility again tonight. He asked, maybe that would be the best thing. But, then when I respond, I don't think it's the best thing, he drops the subject.

How is work going for you? How are feeling otherwise?

When do you leave on your trip? I think that will be the best thing for you right now. Have you ever done a night dive? Will you do one in Vanuatu? I've always thought that would be the most amazing experience.

Hi USH, yes, I was thinking after I posted that each situation is different and the road we will travel is different. apparently this is where I'm to be right now.

I leave for Vanuatu on the 6th Sept - fly to Vila, then boat to Tranquility Island for a few days and dives. Then fly to Espiritu Santo and dive the SS President Coollidge. They are offering a night dive and I think I'll do it. It will be without torches but there are firelight fish (or something like that) that will light the way!! pretty amazing huh?

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it. I just want to get away from all this for a little while. I am ok generally. I seem to be in a different mood during each day.

Just hang in there I think you are doing so well.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by unsureheart:
<strong>The conversation continued with him asking me what I thought love was and how did I know I was in love with him. I said that it was hard to describe exactly, but it came from a place deep inside me and that it was an ache in my soul whenever I thought about life without him. That I knew I loved him or wouldn't still be here with any hope. That love had in fact transformed me. Previously, I had been impatient, but now I had a patience I did not know I was capable of. Previously, I would have not been able to listen to him while he described feelings for another person without being very sarcastic and cutting. Previously, I would have run far and fast in the face of the constant reminder that he felt he was in love with someone else. Love has given me the ability to stand up for my marriage and that frankly I hadn't been doing a very good job of that prior to the A.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WOW! This is a bit spooky unsure because that is exactly the way I feel and likely how I would answer that questions from my WW. I mean I have gone from someone with no patience to someone with the patience of a saint (and that's what her IC called me as have others who have watched this long running soap opera). Previously, I too would have had the same cut & run feelings if she had talked the way she has about someone else...yet I listen, try to empathize and understand and still remain here for her if that's her choice...I don't really know where that strength comes from...but it is there...you have it, too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by unsureheart:
<strong>I still don't know where this is going. He wants to wake up one morning and just be struck with a pining romantic love for me before he decides to move home or recommit. I don't think that is realistic at this point, but I'm not ready to give up. Am I nuts? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, if you're nuts so am I. I have asked my WW the question of whether she thinks she will wake up one morning and be struck by that pining for me....her answer: "I don't know...I wish I could."

Like you, I still don't know where this is going...she says she is trying to decide if the reason she hasn't filed for divorce is because she still has a deep down love for me or if it's just 'cause she doesn't want to hurt me or diasspaoint her family...it's hard to listen to all of this and remain strong and commited. Very Hard!!!! But then, you already know that, right?

I just don't understand why they can't commit. Like I have told my WW...it seems like I am the one that has done something wrong and that she is trying to figure out if she can live with my transgressions...I have certainly made mistakes, but I did not break my marriage vows and move out of our house and abandoned what was once a great marriage...in fact I am here standing up for that marriage and committment.

Again, all I can say is that you aren't alone...that hopefully whatever happens there is a lesson and reward....it sounds like you have already gained a great deal of strength...hang on to that and hang in there...you have my admiration and support... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take care...

E

Thank you for your thoughts Elad and Seahorse -- It helps me so much to know that there are caring people out there going through the same thing.

I stayed up until two a.m. last night reading "When a Mate Wants Out" by Sally and Jim Conway. I am not a highly religious person -- not that I don't believe in God or belong to a church, but I've never been one that goes to the Bible for guidance a lot. Anyway, this book says many of the same things that plan A is about but refers to scripture and patience and grace from God. It was a good book to read last night for me and I also read a week ago another book by Jim Conway about Men in Midlife Crisis. My WH asked for the book last weekend and said it was the only book of the many he's picked up from me (I've never suggested he read anything, but he often asks about what I'm reading/sometimes borrows the book) that was resonating with how he was feeling about everything.

I am also reading Language of Letting Go, but put that on hold while I read this other one.

And Seahorse, I have always been a fairly adventurous person -- hiking, sea kayaking, working on a game reserve in Africa, etc, but I have always been afraid of scuba diving. I keep thinking I'm going to have a claustrophobia panic attack down there -- but you are inspiring me. I think I will attempt scuba diving next and overcome that fear. The thought of night diving with firelight fish is a wonder that I would like to experience.

May you both have a wonderful weekend. I am going to a friend's bachelorette party tonight in the city -- it should be pretty funny. It was quite a while ago when I was a bachelorette. Tomorrow I will hike in the morning and then meet my best friend since I was 10 years old out for dinner and a concert, Norah Jones who has the most beautiful voice. I am really glad I made these plans because WH will probably work on weekend to try and figure out how he can take a month off.