Hi SD! I haven't been able to post in a long time here due to my hard drive crashing and I had to order a new one and install it. My computer was barely a year old when it crashed so at least I got the new hard-drive free but it took us a few wks to figure out for sure that was the problem. Your Plan B letter sounds good- I can tell you have put alot of thought into it. I too think your W is still in the blame anyone else phase and probably will be for some time to come unfortunately. My H was still in that mode of thinking even months AFTER deciding he wanted to reconcile. Fortunately he has gradually come around to realizing how it takes TWO to make or break a relationship. Last wk we went to a 2 hr therapy session and after the first hr the MC said I was still too stuck in the victim mode and not being active enough in my life. She also said H needs to learn to learn how to verbally express his remorse about what he has done. He can admit it to the counselor and me in our sessions but when he's alone with me he tries to escape from any mention of my pain caused by his EA/PA.Our MC let me sit in HER chair for the last hr of our session and talk to my H and she pretended to be ME! Now that was enlightening!Our MC says that H and I have VERY different ways of expressing our feelings and I didnt realize how true that was until I pretended to do HER job! Take care- lifeismessy

lim,

Good to hear from you. I thought I remember you telling me once that you got a new computer. Good thing it was covered.

Interesting twist your MC put on things. Is it possible you wouldn't be in "victim mode" if your H had been more remorseful about the A and answered your ??'s openly and honestly, as difficult as that may have been for him?

I hope Steve doesn't try to talk me out of plan B. Since my W wants to take the next step and sell the house yet still calls me almost daily, I'm not sure what else I can do. I can't continue to take her calls, answer her questions and do favors for her as we inch closer to divorce.

sad dad

Dear SD,

this latest version is so touching. Reading it-so much emotion and caring-this is what is missing in many people's lives. You expressed everything you wanted to say. Strength, love, limits. As a woman I can tell you that the part about your daughters birth is one of the most wonderful things I have ever heard. If after a letter like this your WW is not touched, I don't know what is wrong with this world.
All the best to a person as wonderful as you.

Ice,

Thanks for the kind words. Don't know if this letter will have any affect on my W, but it's probably the last chance I'll have to let her know how I feel and look into my heart.

It's very unlikely this will have a happy ending, but I do believe someday my W will wake up, see what she's made of her life and realize what she had. It just may take going through the whole D process for that to happen. It's such a shame.

sad dad