</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by willmakeitwork:
<strong>Dear Space:

You mentioned you did not have a checklist. I disagree. It is in your Plan B letter. You spell out what W must do to start the rebuild process.
When she meets those you are in Plan A since those changes made in Plan A are permanent right?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Indeed; the Plan B letter spells out the "must have" conditions. And if/when she does, it IS back to Plan A....Plan A forever! (That would make a cool bumper-sticker!)

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I have not posted to you before. You are doing well and are getting great advice.

I will pray for you and your family, Space.

You are a man to be admired.

Jack </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Jack, thank you, thank you and thank you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hope4future:
<strong>The card is both a good sign...and an old tool. She doesn't want to not have all her choices. This is not how she wants things to be. I'm SURE she wants YOU..but she has no idea of the pain she's put you through, she has no idea of the path SHE needs to take to be the kind of wife you need and she's not ready to admit her enourmous part in where things are at. She's still very lost...she just wants to keep a hook in you so that she doesn't lose you as a choice. It's normal...and it also is a sign that she does care! I agree with the others...stay aloof, stay coy...stay mysterious and strong...like someone she'd want to pursue. But there have to be clear boundries with clear expectations as to what it will entail to be a part of your life again.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TOTALLY with you here, H4F <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Faith1:
<strong>So, did you respond to the e-card?

If you had already given the letter, you shouldn't respond at all. But since you haven't, perhaps a simple "thanks for the card. I love you too."</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmm...not sure about this...will think about it though!

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
PLEASE don't read too much into the e-card, or other loving gestures. Professional fence-sitters are SMOOOOOTHHHHHH.... you listed all the things she's NOT willing to do to prove her commitment (all the things she's been telling Steve)... she just wants the best of all worlds, and it can't work that way for you. She KNOWS what you need from her, and if she's not sure, she has books and Steve to refer to for information. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not reading too much into it, but it is nice to know I've FINALLY done something that makes her perk up and look. (I bet ILuv's saying "I told you so!")

And I agree; she KNOWS what she needs to do; not only has Steve told her dozens of times, I've also told her, and the Plan B letter will spell it out even more. Excerpts from the letter below:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I can commit to a marriage based on honesty, openness and mutual respect and care for the other's well-being. I can commit to marriage with you on those terms - I cannot commit to marriage on terms other than those.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from him, demonstrate it in a credible way, and are willing to follow measures to ensure total and permanent separation, then we can talk about our future together. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Spacey, you've given her plenty of Plan A time to come around in a comfortable environment - your loving, encouraging, accepting Plan A... she's afraid to give that up and step up to the plate. She doesn't want to lose you... she just has to figure out in her head if she's willing to do the work necessary. WE know you're WORTH it... but she is SO foggy, she can't see it.

Hang in there. I think you're doing fine. Stay cool with her loving gestures for now... don't be rude, but don't go running to her...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think I did a good and long Plan A, and 11+ months of this should also mean something!

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
When are you going to give the letter? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm thinking Sunday.

Thanks Faith!!!

SC,

Settle down. I know the rollercoaster is really going now, but settle down. You do have a plan. It is simple you are separated, you are still in plan a, and you will be in plan B next week. Within that letter is all of the things that need to occur.

I would strongly recommend that you be nice to W, thank her for the card, avoid any relationship discussions, especially at S's B-day party, and start to move into your new life living in your apartment. When Plan B starts, you know the drill, talk to SH if you don't.

Frankly, I think the card is nice it shows that there are feelings there and buried under all of her excuses, justifications, pain is love for you. BUT, it is also a minimum bid with little cost to her.

So do your thing, have the kids over during the weekend so that they can get a little comfortable with this arrangement, and keep hunting for that job. You just might find that things are starting to turn your way. How that will look, is yet to be determined.

You got the plan, exercise it.

God Bless,

JL

SC -

As usual, JL hits the nail dead on.

Good Luck and God Bless SC...........

Gib - fellow Texan!

We'll ALL be over to your son's B-day BBQ .... so have pleanty of that Texas "sauce" and dem' ribs on hand for your MB fan club! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Go to the BBQ wearing a warm smile ... smelling pretty and looking g-o-o-o d! (OH ... and wear a brand new shirt too! A Hawaiian shirt ... yeah, that will do it)

Relax. You're going to be OK.

Courage and confidence .... that sums YOU up right now!

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I am totally WITH the program here; really! Have not really had up and down feelings, just questions and stuff.

Definitely will get that new hawaiian shirt for the BBQ! THAT will blow her away; I NEVER buy clothes...always her...she's gonna think I have a girlfriend!

OK, OK, I have all the act and the talk and the rest down, but what do I do if she hugs and kisses? Not respond? Should I give her a peck when I come in? what!?!?!?!?

Dear Space:

I think JL expressed it best. You are in Plan A until you are in plan B. Be nice as you normally would. It will make the Plan B more effective by leaving plan A on a high note.

All my best

Jack

SC:

"OK, OK, I have all the act and the talk and the rest down, but what do I do if she hugs and kisses? Not respond? Should I give her a peck when I come in? what!?!?!?!?"

Allow me to be a bit crass here, okay? Like J.R., you're still in plan A until you go to plan B on Sunday. So... ...if she let's you... um... ..well, if she wants anything that isn't a LB, including, say... ...oh, for example... ...some SF, then GO FOR IT. She's still YOUR W. ...just make sure you do it away from the kids, okay?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2long:
<strong>SC:

Allow me to be a bit crass here, okay? Like J.R., you're still in plan A until you go to plan B on Sunday. So... ...if she let's you... um... ..well, if she wants anything that isn't a LB, including, say... ...oh, for example... ...some SF, then GO FOR IT. She's still YOUR W. ...just make sure you do it away from the kids, okay?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>NO!</strong> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ok, ok, If <strong>EVERYONE</strong> insists...well, ok, alright, I'll do it... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

SC:

Do it for the flag!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

2Long:

Man, I'd do it for the lint in the dryer basket.

Pay attention your W may try this. Oh the things one must do to get to plan B.

2LOng you are a hoot.

All my best

Jack

The sacrifices one must make to save one's marriage!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I pledge allegiance to the flag.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

JD (you know who you are);

I received your email and responded, but it was returned by your server...user unknown...

In any case, thank you SO much for your kind and supportive words! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You really should post here; with the experience you've had, I'm sure many of us would learn and benefit. Think about it!

My very best wishes for you and your on-going recovery.

SC, I have sent you a new email and you can reply at that email address if you wish.
I posted a few month ago but gave up after a while because I was too overwhelmed by everything and did not feel I had much to contribute. I will post soon. JD

I went back to the house today to pick up my mail, and get a few things I'd forgotten to bring...W was there along with my D, they were having lunch.

I went up to her almost totally normal, gave her a peck and sqeezed her shoulder. She was nice, offered me lunch, which I declined as I'd already had it. But I did have some coffee with them.

Nothing really happened, just chit-chat, she asked me some question about her PC, I drank my coffee, and headed out about 10 minutes later.

She asked me how I was doing, and I said I was OK, didn't ask her back.

Honestly, I was a little uncomfortable. For some reason I felt I should not be there, I guess I put myself in a state of mind for Plan B, and these days in between being out of the house and going to full Plan B have been a bit confusing.

My boys came over this afternoon, we talked about all this, and watched part of a ballgame on TV, nice visit. They are wonderful kids.

Oh, I almost forgot! I bought a great hawaiian shirt for tomorrow! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So, my first 24 hours out of the house end, and everything's alright!

PS; sorry 2L, no flag duty today! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ August 08, 2002, 07:17 PM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

*** aloha ***

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I am pretty sneaky ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> She's going to wonder .... "Huh?"

If she asks you "Where did you get that shirt?" .... Answer her, "Do you like it? It is so fun to wear! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> " ... smiling with all that exotic charm you possess....

You go guy!

I love you wife by the way. I want her to have the happiest of marriages WITH my friend Spacy.

I love you wife .... someday I'd like to tell her that !

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

You made me cry, Pep...meeting you, talking to you would probably be the very best thing that could possibly happen to my W. I wish it were possible.

Hey Space - If you really want to get her thinking, DON'T FORGET THE COLOGNE! IF my WS were to wear cologne and we were not going out together, I would wonder what was up. When I wear perfume, he always asks why! May I recommend Fahrenheit Summer????

Brit's Brat up on the Northwest side of the Big H.

Hey, BB!

Thanks for the tip. One problem; I ALWAYS wear cologne...maybe I'll wear a new one... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />