</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CSue:
<strong>Space,

I'm back from vacation and trying to catch-up on your situation. Do you have an appt with SH coming up; you've done such a marvelous job with MB principles. Is Plan B in the works?

CSue</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm afraid so, CSue (and welcome back!) after last week's session w/Steve (Tues.), when my W refused to do anything more that re-start Steve's 3-step process, Steve and I decide it was not enough and I moved out of home last Wed. and have been in semi-plan B since then, with limited contact.

Steve had said I should do this for 1 week, then deliver the Plan B letter and "go dark". That is scheduled for Wed this week.

We have an apptmt w/Steve tomorrow, which my W is going to take. I've left him a message to see if he and I can talk after her apptmt but before I deliver the letter on Wed. Hopefully, we'll be able to, otherwise, I'll continue as planned.

There have been some comments from forum-members that perhaps I should wait to deliver the letter and go dark fro a little time, since my W has shown some signs of "life" (initiating physical contact, kissing, etc, has been crying some, send me a couple of e-cards, etc.) and some think she may just be "waking up". I don't think so, but maybe if you can take a few minutes to catch up on this and comment, I'd appreciate it!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's time to fish or cut bait.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Around here we say "SH** or get off the pot".

Dear Space:

IMO you see the situation clearly and have a plan. The think the W's reaction is just her insecurity. Although I do not understand SH's waiting a week before letter (it appears to me it will be seen as vindictive by your W), I am sure he has his reasons and that is why he is getting paid for this and we are posting to the forum.

Hopefully, the session will put your plan B in better situation for sucess. Either way you have done yourself proud and can hold you head up and know you have done everything you could to stand up for your M.

Nice shirt and your D is lovely. I pray my D loves as much when she is that age.

My prayers to you and your family Space.

Jack

Thanks Jack. I appreciate the thoughts and prayers.

Steve felt that allowing a few days between separation and delivery of the letter would make it less of a shock, and it would have a better chance to be seen as a love letter and not punishment.

Pretty down today, though. I woke up this morning and realized that now I really don't have anything; no work, no home, no wife, no kids, nothing at all...it's sad and lonely to have to do this to try to save my marriage. How I wish it could have gone some other way!

And to top it off, my W's been seriously talking divorce to her IC...not a good day at all.

Somehow I haven't been able to pick myself up and move on with life. I've been semi-paralyzed, I don't know...I guess I let her become TOO much of my life. I'm devastated.

((((Spacecase))))

You still have your children, you do, they love you, and they always will. You still have yourself, you have not the old life, you have a new one.

Transition is always puzzling and discouraging at times. We wake up in an unfamiliar world, an unfamiliar bed, an unfamiliar house, it doesn't feel like home, it feels empty, it even smells empty. And you feel that hole in your stomach, you feel alone and at a loss. It is easy to let yourself spiral down, but this time, you have to stop it.

You are in control. This is your life. It doesn't have to be sad, lonely, tragic. Your life will be as YOU make it. You are making the rules now.

You need to get yourself straightened up. Have your resume posted through the internet, look at available jobs, there are States with lots of job postings on the internet, have a look at your local goverment maybe you'll get lucky.

Go out for a walk, get yourself a new hair cut, a new pair of pants. Buy a book, a non-R book, read, drink a nice cup of tea, it is all about you now, you are the center of the universe along with your most beloved ones, your kids.

Your WW may or may not join you all, but that's up to whatever she decides. She is wasting time, love and wonderful memmories with a man that obviously loves her and would go anywhere for her.
Too bad, but nobody but her can wake her up and smell the coffee.

Space, please don't be down, I know it is hard, but it won't do no good, you need to be strong, you need to feel good on your own.

Please hang in there.

You are a wonderful person.

Dear Space:

I am sorry you are so down. Several things:

a) No job - you can always get a job and you will.

b) No W - You really never had a say in that did you Space. Your W controls that. You have put down your conditions now try and let it go. (I know sounds simple but it is not easy)

c) No Home - Any place you are with children who love you is home Space really. Please know that.

d) No Kids - You know that is not true. I saw the picture with proof. They will gravitate to the truth, Space. Give them credit. They will seek you out. I do understand the not being there 24/7 and I empathize. They will seek you out.

You are doing what you need to do for you. Please try and take some comfort in that.

All my best

Jack

<small>[ August 12, 2002, 04:33 PM: Message edited by: willmakeitwork ]</small>

Out of the blue...my younger son called me...he wants to come over with his sister later so we can have dinner together...I'm still crying...

Oh Space, please don't cry. ((((((((hugglez))))))))))

There there, common cheer up, your children are comming over for dinner, why don't you get a movie and enjoy your time? Please stop crying.

Thanks everyone for your kind and uplifting words. It's just been a bad day, and I'll be OK. Funny, this morning started really well, full of energy, rode my bike, got a lot of stuff done...then it all went to h---. Don't even know what prompted it...

I'll be OK, will have fun with the kids tonight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

SC,
How well I know how you feel today. It's that dreaded roller coaster. You knew it would happen and yet it takes you by surprise. I know. You will feel so much better when you children arrive. It actually does not take that much to feel good again. Remember that we are here behind you to help you as you help us. We think of you and we know that good things happen to people like you. ML

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Spacecase:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CSue:
<strong>Space,

I'm back from vacation and trying to catch-up on your situation. Do you have an appt with SH coming up; you've done such a marvelous job with MB principles. Is Plan B in the works?

CSue</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm afraid so, CSue (and welcome back!) after last week's session w/Steve (Tues.), when my W refused to do anything more that re-start Steve's 3-step process, Steve and I decide it was not enough and I moved out of home last Wed. and have been in semi-plan B since then, with limited contact.

Steve had said I should do this for 1 week, then deliver the Plan B letter and "go dark". That is scheduled for Wed this week.

We have an apptmt w/Steve tomorrow, which my W is going to take. I've left him a message to see if he and I can talk after her apptmt but before I deliver the letter on Wed. Hopefully, we'll be able to, otherwise, I'll continue as planned.

There have been some comments from forum-members that perhaps I should wait to deliver the letter and go dark fro a little time, since my W has shown some signs of "life" (initiating physical contact, kissing, etc, has been crying some, send me a couple of e-cards, etc.) and some think she may just be "waking up". I don't think so, but maybe if you can take a few minutes to catch up on this and comment, I'd appreciate it!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Space,

Whew...I really hope you get a chance to talk with SH after your wife's appointment. Based on his conversation with her he will be the person with the right decision on whether or not to go ahead with the Plan B Letter. I've thought it over and can honesty see both ways. You're at such a critical stage that he needs to be the one to advise you. If you don't get a chance to talk with him; your decision should factor in your W's attitude following the appt.

Point is that I don't think you have enough information to make that decision right now. I'm glad your kids are being so supportive! Wow! You are truly blessed to have raised them with such kindness and sensitivity. I'll keep reading and catching up! CSue

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mapleleaf:
<strong>SC,
How well I know how you feel today. It's that dreaded roller coaster. You knew it would happen and yet it takes you by surprise. I know. You will feel so much better when you children arrive. It actually does not take that much to feel good again. Remember that we are here behind you to help you as you help us. We think of you and we know that good things happen to people like you. ML</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My dear Mapleleaf; your "rock" crumbled today I'm afraid...thank you for your kind and beautiful words. I'm headed to pick my D up...she wants to see my "new place"...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Whew...I really hope you get a chance to talk with SH after your wife's appointment. Based on his conversation with her he will be the person with the right decision on whether or not to go ahead with the Plan B Letter. I've thought it over and can honesty see both ways. You're at such a critical stage that he needs to be the one to advise you. If you don't get a chance to talk with him; your decision should factor in your W's attitude following the appt.

Point is that I don't think you have enough information to make that decision right now. I'm glad your kids are being so supportive! Wow! You are truly blessed to have raised them with such kindness and sensitivity. I'll keep reading and catching up! CSue</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ideally, yes, I'd have to speak with Steve after his session with my W, and before delivering the letter...but, you know how hard it is to get him to return a call or an email...so I can't count on that.

Why do you say I don't have enough information right now? After last week's session, Steve and I agreed it was time for Plan B, he just recommended doing it a little differently, but not for the purpose of "deciding" if I was going to Plan B or not; that was already decided...what do you see that has changed so much?

<small>[ August 12, 2002, 07:02 PM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

Hi Space,
Steve knows where you are, if he wanted you to hold the letter, he would let you know.

Keep to your plan, you are doing it right.

I am sorry that you had a down day. You already know that it will happen. In one way, that doesn't make it easier. I have never been able to bring myself out of these by force of will. However, I have been able to tell myeslf over and over " tomorrow will be better, just hang on and don't do anything rash," and that helps.

Still praying for you, it works great for me, will teach you if you want to learn. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

SS

<small>[ August 12, 2002, 06:41 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi Spacecase,

"I need this agony to end; whichever way it goes. I cannot continue to live in limbo and being lied to while everything I do and give is gladly received and desired, but in no way recognized."

"Too much. It's time to fish or cut bait."

I see now----you need Plan B for yourself---and that's the criteria from what I understand.

I hope you Plan B yourself as well as you Plan A'd your WW and yourself. I see that a new haircut and maybe highlights have already been suggested. I'm anxious to hear what you will do for yourself during this time. I thought it might be hard to top the great hawaiian shirt (great choice, looked super), but Pepper has some great ideas---personally I like the sandals suggestion.

Take care Spacecase---you certainly deserve it!!!!

SS;
Thanks for your words and prayers. I might take you up on learning some...

YetAgain,
Indeed, Plan B, like Plan A, are for the BS, not the WS. Plan B is designed to protect the BS's feelings from being exposed to an active and on-going affair, as well as to preserve the love the BS has left for the WS, so that if the A ends, and the WS wants to do the right thing, there will be someting to build on.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Spacecase:
<strong>Pepper;

2 things; what's K-Y? ("Mental K-Y ...") and

"Are you ready to hear about more SCUD-MISSILE tactics?" yes...

And the ladies who were going to try the tenderloin...TinyDancer and MelodyLane...how'd it go?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Space! Well, the tenderloin was DELICIOUS, but I think I did it wrong and ended up cooking it for 50 minutes to get it done in the center. My hubby loved it!

Space,

I was just catching on this thread and am sorry you're having such a bad day. This is a hell of a road to travel, isn't it? I know it's hard to seperate, but what you were doing wasn't working. I hope and pray this shakes things up for you and is only temporary. Hang in there, Space.

SC:

I hope you're not posting right now because you're having such good convo with your kids. I have to admit that the best time I had the whole week I stayed in the guest house was the two nights my D came over to talk before she left for England. My son came over the second time she did, and we all had a good chat about general stuff. Since my S still dosen't know about the A, we didn't talk about it, which was a refreshing change.

You're doing well, but remember to get plenty of sleep. Don't do what I did!

Now that I'm back, I can see signs that would indicate that going to plan B would have been a good idea in some respects, but perhaps not in others. I'm getting glances from my W that show me she's really thinking about US more than she has in a long time, but obviously contact still continues.

Oh well. I'm so busy with work right now I don't know if I could do anything about that for the next 3 weeks or so anyway.

Guess that's a good thing?

Thanks for your thoughts, MelodyLane, and I'm glad the tenderloin was good! (I guess the cooking time depends on the grill and how done y'all like it!)

2L;
Yes, had a nice dinner with the kids, went to a nice Vietnamese place we like...yum!!!

Then my son finds out he locked his keys in his car ('74 Orange VW Bug) and we had a heck-of-a-time trying to get it open...yikes!

I guess I had one of those Blue-Meanie Downs this afternoon...bound to happen. You start thinking of what could be, what could have been, what might be, what might have been, and it just depresses me. There were SO many times in the last 11 months when this could have been over...we could be well on our...whatever!

Onward, no sense dwelling on that. I need to get a job, and get busier...ANY job@! I just need to stay busy, meet people, see people, talk about other things...get her out of my mind (as if I ever could! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )