Danni,
I think you have heard some very truthful things. I found it interesting that you didn't really respect the idea that men had needs. Yet, if you looked closely at each of the needs here they all have a correlation with womens needs. Perhaps the only one that may not is SF, because of the chemically driven sex drive that men have. Even there some women have a similar need.
But, women want to be listened to.
Women want affection.
They want communication.
They want to feel safe.
They want to be taken care of.
The list goes on.
Look at the list of us guys here. Is it really different? Men have egos. Women have feelings. Both can easily be hurt. Are they really different? Only in one fundamental aspect, men often define themselves by their effect on the outside world. Women often define themselves by their relationships. But, really both are just as fragile.
Just realize that your H is fragile and that while he may be raised and trained to hide pain and feelings he has them just as you do. What defines him? His work, his sense of influence, and how well he takes care of his family. If you look at it you stating something positive to him about how he does something, reaffirms that he is doing something right in your book, and that is the most important book in his world.
I have been married 26 years, and I came her because I felt my W didn't love me anymore. My job was done. The kids college education was covered financially. W would be well off financially if I left, and since I got little or no feedback from her on anything, it seemed time to leave. Had I run into a woman at that point, I wonder if I would have had the strength not to file for Dv and have an affair. Instead I ran into this board and it changed me.
Sex is important, but being appreciated by those close to you is much more so. I think you will find that most men eventually focus on their work and career precisely because that is the ONLY place anyone ever thanks them or tells them they are appreciated. I know in my case that is true.
Now go read the posts by women WS's here and tell me the difference. You will see very little. Most felt H didn't appreciate them, care for them, or desire them (of course the need for sex is NOT considered desire in many woman <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , a serious blunder on a woman's part to downgrade the importance of that). But, for the most part the response is the same.
So Danni, my advice to you is to look inward when you wonder about your H. He may like his needs met differently from you, but you can bet if you have a need there is a similar one within him. Men and women are different, but we are not THAT different.
A thousand dollar bracelet may show my W that I appreciate her, but a simple thank you for working so long to support the family would be worth far more to me. Yup, men are simple folks really. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Must go. Interesting thread.
God Bless,
JL
