ok, the line is busy. My heart is pounding.

I've tried several times and the line is busy. Probably the kids on the phone or the internet.

I'm gonna grab a lunch time AA meeting and try her again. Thank God they have seperate phone lines so there's no risk of him answering.

Darling Katie ~~~

I was the person who suggested you inform his W (on your other thread).

One of your responses on that thread was:

"I'm not that noble. It's a nice bi-product that his W is not hurt, but truthfully my concern is for me."

First of all ... your truthfullness is one of the charms about you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I admire your candor.

Here is something for you to roll around in your head a little bit. MY concern is ALSO for you Katie! I think you could cultivate nobility within yourself ... and in the middle of developing your own nobility ... you will discover other charms about yourself! Nobility in thought and action IS GOOD FOR KATIE SCARLET !!!

What say you???

Regards,

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ August 14, 2002, 12:33 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Pepper:

I'm working toward nobility. Some days it's easy. Some days it's hard.

I don't want to sit here and pretend to be some saint that i'm not (yet). I understand that by doing the right thing (and covering my own a*s) I cover a lot of other a*ses as well.

When I take esteemable action I feel good about myself. I not only create sane space for myself in the universe, I help to create it for others as well. So it's not entirely true that I don't care about his w. I'm also not so magnanomous (sp?) that i'm sitting here thinking "what shall I do now to help his wife/children." I'm sitting here thinking "how in the h*ll can I keep myself out of trouble. At the end of the day the result is the same (thank god). Burning this bridge is burning this bridge is burning this bridge.

Some day I hope to look at this in terms of "what's the greater good for the universe." Today i'm just trying to stay emotionally sober.

I have begun referring to MM as human herion (sp?). That's what he is to me. I'm just trying to stay clean.

Keep trying to call her and remember...noble or not, it's the right thing to do for everyone.

Katie ! I luv ya!

My FWH (Senor Pepper)is sober 6 years ... and he WORKS his steps .... He is VERY noble ... and I find that to be a turn on ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

One day at a time KS.

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Ok, she's not home and is not expected until 7pm. Should I call back and ask for her cell phone number.

It's so weird how much I know about this woman's life ans she knows nothing about me.

Her 14 year old son (from a pervious relationship) answered the phone. My first though was "God is that T. He sounds so grown up now." This whole thing just feels creepy to me.

Pepper: I have 5.5 years dry. 1 year of attending meeting on a regular basis.

You could try and get the cell number, they may not give it to you. Give it try anyway, the worst they'll say is 'no'. If the kids don't know who you are you could also leave a message at home for her to call you.

Yeh, you are right...this is kinda weird.

I'm hesitant to call her cell. God only knows where she is or what she's doing.

This will be hard enough without risk of the call dropping, her driving or anything like that. I'd feel better having the conversation when she's home.

Good for you for tackling this difficult step. It is the right thing to do. A couple of points however.

<strong>By not telling i'm protecting him. I said something about calling her and he said "you wound't do that to me." </strong>
Interesting! Thought he told you he was going to make sure W was ok with the friendship.

<strong>There is a part of me that really doesn't like her. In my heart she is the woman how hurts the man I love. I know, I know that's proof of his lies and manipulaiton. I have NO IDEA what kind of person she is or isn't. And it's really not my business. </strong>

You say it's none of your business, but you actually did make it your business when you slept with her husband and became a part of her marriage. This seems to me to be the FOG speaking. You have no concept of what she has gone through in her marriage. His description of how he has been hurt by her can not be believed. What about the hurt that he's inflicted on her? Try to truly imagine yourself in her shoes, married to an alcoholic who cheated many times, while she bears his children. OK you don't know her, and you can't trust what her H says. But you do know HIM. You know his actions, and how he has treated you. Obviously, he had another child as recently as two years ago with the wife that "hurts him so much". Obviously, he played with your emotions, strung you along, buying your affection with luxuries and material possessions, and no doubt hurt you a great deal. Even now, as you try to move on with your life, he disrespects your relationship with your boyfriend by trying to rekindle things. Is he offering you anything? No! He's hurting now, so he turns to you for your giving- selfishly with nothing to offer you except lies and deception. Thinking only of himself.

<strong>"W, you need to keep your husband away from me. His dropping by my house on Saturday is 100% unacceptable behavior. I have told him this and I want to make sure that he gets the message. Coming to my house is NOT ok, calling me is not ok, involving the kids is NOT ok. </strong>
Unfortunately, his wife can not control him. Your contacting her is not about her putting him on a leash. No doubt she would love to have that ability. Your contacting her is about reclaiming honesty. It is saying to MM that you will not tolerate lies. Since his relationship with you was based on lies, deception and cheating, your insistence on exposing his actions to the light of day will no doubt explode his belief that he can continue this type of contact with you. It is the only sure way to get him to stop, and to protect yourself against your weakness and addiction to him.

Better to calmly and factually recount his actions. Tell her that you have made a commitment to honesty, and that you truly do not want to be involved in this triangle. You can say that you are calling her because you made a commitment to make amends to her by being honest.

<small>[ August 14, 2002, 02:59 PM: Message edited by: espoir ]</small>

Thank you espoir. That's a good suggestion.

I agree with the input from your friend. Just tell her the facts - "he came by, said he wanted to resume the friendship, even got (son) on the phone with me. I am not interested in a friendship with him and I just thought you should know."

The "keep him away from me" strikes me the wrong way. Not that it is to b*itchy (although it is a little aggressive for my southern belle nature!), but that it implies she should have control of him and if she would just do her job then he wouldn't have strayed in the first place. It takes the onus off of him. And the decision to have the relationship was yours and his - not
hers.

Also, whether you are doing it for her or for you is really irrelevant. You both need to know who he is and what you are dealing with. You are dealing with danger, girl. It is written all over your posts. You are very susceptible to getting back in bed with this man. You've done it before and you will have to do everything in your power to keep from doing it again. I think your reference to him as heroin is dead on accurate. The fact that you recognize this is good. Calling her to ensure yourself another reason to say away from him is even better.

I told her. She says that it's not her problem. That whatever happened between him and me is between him and me.

She apparently hung up from me and called him. He just called me, very angry.

I said to him "I can't talk to you" and I hung up.

He hung up and called me back. I turned off my cell phone. He didn't leave a message.