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I don't want to be a party-pooper or anything, but isn't it possible that my lovey-dovey stuff a few days ago ("love you, miss you, holding her, thanking her for her honesty, etc.) might have been the wrong signal to send? Maybe after that she felt I was ready to accept her conditions and thus hardened her position today w/Steve?
I don't want to believe that, but it IS possible, isn't it?
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SpaceCase, Yeah, it's possible. But completely inconsequential. She needs to crash. She's not getting it on her own. If you had been more business like---it wouldn't have changed anything. No "what if's" for the first two weeks of Plan B, BTW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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I dunno Space, I got a real beef with you men and your insistance of LENGTH! Kidding....very good letter (I think I would have overloaded after the first page however, so give her time to soak all that in). I'm glad for you that atleast you got to move SOMEWHERE...hopefully it proves to be forward!
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SC, I am much like you in being over analytical. Right now you need to stop analyzing and stop trying to find reasons to blame yourself. You didn't cause the stance she took. We are all responsible for our own actions and reactions, that includes your W. Right now you need to worry about your children and yourself. Let your W deal with her own issues and don't let them become weights on your back. If you were a female, I would say each some chocolate ice cream, veg out on the couch with some silly tv shows and cry till you can't cry any more. Hmm maybe that's not a bad idea anyway. But remember tomorrow is another day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Dear Space:
I am sorry it has come to this. You probably knew in your heart of hearts it would. K and the others have said it better than I can.
Sending calming prayers your way.
God bless you and your family.
Jack
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SC: I don't want to believe that, but it IS possible, isn't it? Oh you better believe it's possible!!!!! That and more. I don't think they consciously try to manipulate... but they DO. Check out my WS poll. But you do as best you can with what you're given, and you were in Plan A mode, so you did your best in that mind-set. You'll be fine here, too... Time is your ally. I know you've said 3 months is it for you (or was it 4?). Just relax a bit now that you've got a new plan to work with - I know, I know, the pot calling the kettle black. I give it 6 weeks before she really starts showing promise, then another 6 before she starts giving concrete reasons to end B. Don't forget - she might continue to "like it" for a while... but as she starts to miss you... it'll slowly start to make sense. I don't think she really wants to start a new relationship with someone else all over from scratch - 'cause OM ain't an option!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
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SpaceMan,
You are doing the right thing. Don't overanalyze it or second guess yourself.
This is the best chance you have to save your marriage.
You are doing great! Find a new hobby. (R/C Airplanes? Model Trains??) Preferably something your kids would like as well.
Hang in there, I am thinking about you!
ST
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SC,
You are amazing and your letter is amazing. I admire your certainty about what you want, your emotional control and development ... you're everybody's hero.
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Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm not quastioning myself about what I did, or what if, or anything like that. It was more a "philosophical" question, which I thought worth asking because I guess I don't get how that approach, ULove and all that, would have/could have/could be different from the approach I now take, or whether they could co-exist, and how...I know it's a frama of mind and not a "how" thing, but in reality, how would one practice that approach from Plan B? And would one want to? I remembered something Steve said to me last week: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "...What about if we get on the phone on Tuesday and she tells us to shove it, can you handle that?"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
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no matter what you have done all you
glad you got to talk to the twins, & glad you didn't break down in front of them
I cried so much for awhile my OS freaks when I cry now, he can't understand that I just cry very easily
hang in there, you can do this
hoping you are home for the New Year, if not before
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Space,
Wow, that would be the most beautiful letter I have ever read! No kidding...it's a tremendous love letter. There is nothing more that you can do or say...next move is hers!! Amazing...
CSue
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Oh, dear....I just remembered...our 21st Anniversary is on Friday, the 30th...this is SO sad...
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Extremely_Confused...you said in my other thread to check my email, but I didn't get anything... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
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Yes, it will be sad...it's also kind of "good" timing in the sense that she'll have to think about her "new" stage of life on that day. It would be far more sad, in my opinion, to spend the day together "faking it". The marriage isn't suiting EITHER of you, let alone BOTH of you...it needs to grow. Often it needs space and sometimes to be set free in order to do that.
Did your loving actions cause confusion with your set boundries? Well, she certainly might have seen it as yet another opportunity to put her foot down and act like a 4 year old...but, like a 4 year old she's going to find out that no-one is going to play with her when she thinks/acts that way.
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( ( ( S*P*A*C*E* ) ) )What a wonderful letter! You are truely a man of your word .... and we appreciate you and your contribution to MB so much. Please be kind to yourself during plan B. Give that brain of yours a chance to rest every now and then. Your friend, Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
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( ( ( S*P*A*C*E* ) ) )What a wonderful letter! You are truely a man of your word .... and we appreciate you and your contribution to MB so much. Please be kind to yourself during plan B. Give that brain of yours a chance to rest every now and then. Your friend, Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CSue:
<strong>Space,
Wow, that would be the most beautiful letter I have ever read! No kidding...it's a tremendous love letter. There is nothing more that you can do or say...next move is hers!! Amazing...
CSue</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, my! Thank you...all of you helped create it...it really was a joint effort!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband: <strong> ( ( ( S*P*A*C*E* ) ) )What a wonderful letter! You are truely a man of your word .... and we appreciate you and your contribution to MB so much. Your friend, Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pep; you always manage to make me cry...Thank you...I couldn't have done it without you.
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SC,
I think it was definitely time. She was not and is not taking any "credit" for her role in the marriage. I think I will go with K's estimate. He has been there and done that. It was a good letter.
SOOOO, now on to finding a job and getting yourself settled in. I think after a few days perhaps a week, you will notice a lot less tension. No more second guessing: what did she mean by this, or that, or....
Life just is right now. Enjoy the kids, take trip to Austin every now and then, and let time work its magic.
God Bless,
JL
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Spacey, I was thinking about your anniversary earlier, and then you mentioned it. I began Plan B on Dec. 19. WH's b'day was Dec. 21. Then X-mas, then Anniversary on Dec. 29. It was hard, but it was still a relief to be in PLan B. I took my sister out on a "date" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> on my Anniversary. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> We had fun! Plan a weekend away for yourself - whattaya think? The beach, the mountains, camping.... anything YOU wanna do... anywhere YOU wanna go.
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