She emailed me just now....
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> SC,
After reading and re-reading your letter, I am only going to say that I feel a terrible and profound sadness due to everything that has happened, your feelings, my pain, and our lack of mutual understanding.
I will not answer your letter at this time, probably I will do so later on, since it is very, very painful to me. I understand your position and I respect it; if you wish to cut all contact off for now, I will respect that, as I have always done with your things.
But before that, there are several things I want to say.
The first is that if you want to communicate my mistakes to the world, do it but do it well and honestly. I understand you have your position and I have mine, you see things one way, and I see them another way. But at least let’s respect each other and not only for us but for our children.
And I will take this opportunity to tell you that I do not agree how you have handled things with the kids. I understand your pain and your position, but they are, after all OUR children and they will always be OUR children. On one occasion during this year I also made the mistake of exposing only my point of view on our problem to <name>, and when you pointed it out, I corrected it. I ask you to manage these things with more care, not only for us but also for the kids. And I would thank you if you did not contact <my IC> since it is uncomfortable for her and for me.
I think that if there is something we need to discuss, we can do it directly, without involving D or B; I don’t agree with that. I understand you do not want contact but I also think we can be civilized, don’t you think?
As it relates to expenses, I’d appreciate your being more specific. By your letter I understand you will pay the mortgage and groceries, “and other basic expenses”. What do you mean exactly?
I think it is fair that we share the expenses, even though at this time I am not in a good situation to do that. But I think it is only fair for you to do that. I understand I’ll have to pay for my car and utilities, but what happens with the rest?
SC, with this I do not want to fight with you or get into arguments, I will do my best to cover the expenses that are necessary, but please give me some time as you well know the situation I am in right now.
I understand we are both responsible for this, but unfortunately my situation is difficult right now; I know yours is as well since you are unemployed, but you fortunately have other resources which I do not have. I don’t mean to say that I won’t cover anything, and I think that if we cannot continue to cover our current expenses, maybe we should sell the house. My interest is in maintaining the kids in the best conditions that we are able, even under these difficult circumstances, and even more now that we are separated. I ask you, therefore, to evaluate the situation and let me know your decision.
Lastly, I want to tell you that when I asked you for more time, I only did so in order to cleanse myself and heal myself, as I told Steve, and I understand why, since I always felt that your things came first, your pain, your needs, etc. so in order to look at myself, cleanse myself, and heal myself I need to be alone. I too have a lot of pain inside not only due to past things, but due to everything, and unfortunately I am not in conditions to say right now, OK, let’s forget the past and start working on us. It hurts too much, you know?
Like I told you, the R with OM is in the past, and I will demonstrate it, but I need time; not in order to demonstrate it, but to heal and I cannot do it under pressure by you. I understand your position, please understand mine.
SC, I have always loved you very deeply, you have been the center of my life, and I never, ever thought we might not be together. Look at what we’ve come to. I fell in love with you since the first day I saw you, and I have always loved you. And I ask you to forgive me for all the suffering; I never meant to hurt you, on the contrary, it was circumstance which led me to make this mistake or these mistakes.
I hope with all of my heart that I can heal my wounds and my pain, and hope that our souls and our hearts can meet again on the same path.
I truly love you!
I Will not communicate with you again, respecting your wishes.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think there are a couple of points I should clarify, or at least explain MY POV on them;
I have told very few people about our situation, and I believe that I have always been balanced in these cases. She, perhaps, does not believe that, but there is not a case in particular we've discussed, so I admit I may be guilty of this, and if I am it is unintended.
Same with the kids. I have been as honest as possible with them, and I have defended her in their eyes as much as I have been able to, explaining how these things happen, and to be lenient and patient with her. That she has basically been "lost".
As far as communicating with her IC, since she's a friend, and I saw the email my W sent her, I emailed her letting her know I'dbe happy to tell her my POV or asist in any way I could, if she so desired. She emailed me back, asked me some stuff, suggested other things, and I responded. I have not done so for a while now, and only in response to her emails.
What now? Do I not respond? Do I? What to say?
