</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Extremely_confused:
<strong>SC,

You always make me smile. You're just a lean, mean reading machine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

No wonder you catch onto things so quickly.

Maybe we'll have to start calling you "SpaceArian the Librarian".

Naw....that won't work....you're just too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> .

E_C</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, I kinda' like that! "SpaceArian the Librarian" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I'll have you know that I would LOVE to be a librarian or work in a bookstore!
And even though my kids just cannot reconcile my crazy hippie antics with being a very avid reader, they say "dad was probably voted class nerd" (little do they know!!! LOL!!!),
I have always had a love-affair with books, and that NEVER, EVER interfered with my ability to have a tremendous amount of fun!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> On the contrary! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ September 07, 2002, 01:43 PM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

More good stuff, SC!!

Sorry I didn't call the last 2ple of days. I got wrapped up in a task at work that I couldn't get away from...

Have a good rest of weekend!

Hey 2L! I know I can't compete for your attention with your lovely W! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL !!!

No hurt feelings here; have a great weekend!

Well, since I've been re-christened "SpaceArian The Librarian", I might as well go all the way and EARN it, right?

Soooooo, here's SC's new and updated...(trumpets, drumroll)...Reading List! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Spacecase's Book List - Recommended Reading:
UPDATED 09/07/02

My "Affair Bibles"
Surviving an Affair - Harley/Chalmers - Clearly the definitive guidebook to sanity and hope during these turbulent times, and a must-read for anyone on these boards.
The Divorce Remedy - Weiner-Davis - Second only to SAA, very similar approaches and methods, less structure to the program.
After the Affair - Abrahms-Spring - Apart from the attempt to connect EVERYTHING to childhood experiences, a very thorough and complete guide with tremendous insight for all involved in an A.

Indispensable References
His Needs-Her Needs - Harley
Give & Take – Harley
Surviving Infidelity - Subotnik/Harris
Divorce Busting - Weiner-Davis
Private Lies - Pittman EXCELLENT!
Tell Me No Lies – Ellyn Bader, Peter T. Pearson
Love Busters – Harley
Fall in Love, Stay in Love - Harley
Passionate Marriage – Schnarch

Other Valuable Books
Fighting for Your Marriage - Markman/Stanley/Blumberg
Difficult Conversations - Stone/Patton/Heen
Conscious Loving - Handricks/Hendricks
Change your Life & Everyone in it - Weiner-Davis
Money Demons - Forward
Men are From Mars; Women are From Venus – Gray (In fact, the whole Venus & Mars series is great)
Torn Asunder - Carder
Love Must Be Tough & Straight Talk – Dobson
How to Recognize Emotional Unavailability and Make Healthier Relationship Choices – Bryn Collins
Patterns of Infidelity and Their Treatment – Emily Brown
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others & Start Caring for Yourself - Melody Beattie
Please Understand Me; Character and Temperament Types – Keirsey/Bates

On My Reading List
The Truth About Relationships - Greg Baer
The Intimate Enemy - George Robert, Bach/Wyden
The Dance of Connection - Harriet Lerner
How Could You Do That?! - Schlessinger
Affairs: A Guide to Working through the Repercussions of Infidelity – Emily Brown
Getting the Love You Want – Hendrix
Awakening the Heroes Within – Pearson
When Love Dies; How To Save a Hopeless marriage - Bodmer
Angry Marriage; Overcoming The rage, Reclaiming The Love – Maslin
Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Don’t Read Maps – Pease/Pease
Codependents' Guide to the Twelve Steps: How to Find the Right Program for You & Apply Each of the Twelve Steps to Your Own Issues - Melody Beattie

Non-Relationship Books
Who Moved my Cheese? – Johnson
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Covey
The Everyday I Ching - Dening

Contemplating Reading (If I live long enough! Or my W stays on the fence long enough; once we’re in Recovery we’ll be...ah, busy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL!!!)
Getting Together and Staying Together – Glasser/Glasser
Transforming Your Dragons: Turning Personality Fear Patterns into Personal Power - Stevens, Jose, Ph.D.
Radical Honesty: How To Transform Your Life By Telling The Truth - Brad Blanton PhD
Being a Man in a Woman's World - Dennis W. Neder
The Other Woman - Rosie Milligan
Sacred Contracts - Caroline Myss
Fear of Intimacy - Robert W. Firestone, Joyce Catlett
Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche - Robert A. Johnson
Meeting the Shadow - Connie Zweig (Editor), Jeremiah Abrams (Editor)
Heal Your Heartbreak - Chuck Spezzano
If It Hurts, It Isn't Love; 366 Statements to Heal and Transform Your Relationships - Chuck Spezzano Ph.D., Robert Holden

Some I did not like
When your Lover is Liar - Forward - Very valuable IF you're a betrayed woman (Most of the premises are based on real/perceived gender stereotypes, and for men it's too difficult to discern which could also apply to lying women.)
Affairs: Emergency Tactics - Rhodes - Very shallow. Only discusses 3 types of As, and attempts to make everything fit within those 3. If yours is precisely one of these, there could be some value to it, but in general, there's much better stuff out there.
Infidelity - Gough - Again, pretty shallow, author has been a WS and BS, hard to tell what's her personal experience/perception and what's more researched and solid.
Infidelity: A survival Guide - Lusterman - Way too textbook to be practical, much more of a study of the psychology of affairs. Of value if you're into in-depth psychoanalysis of affairs.

There were others here, but they were SO bad (IMHO) that they went right back to Half.com for sale!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So There! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Yes, I know what you're thinking; no wonder Ms. Space had to run away...this guy's...I don't know!...WAY too anal, I mean who would even THINK of having lists for all this stuff?!?!? And keep them updated?!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

OK, OK, yes, I'm a bit "organized", but what's wrong with that? It's not like I'm asking EVERYONE to be that way!

Sure, I take yellow pads to our R talks, even at Starbucks, but geez, If I don't take notes how do I keep track of all the stuff she says to me? I'm not a recorder! She gets SOOOOOOOO upset when I take notes at our meetings! She FUMES!!! but, you know, I mean it IS a compromise; if I had my way, I'd take my whiteboard!

<small>[ September 07, 2002, 09:32 PM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

Spacecase, your library is as bad as mine, wished I would have had it when we got married!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by going_crazy:
<strong>Spacecase, your library is as bad as mine, wished I would have had it when we got married!!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pretty sad, huh?
I mean, many of these are the types of books I LIKED to read when I was in school...but the years pass, you change, your life changes, and suddenly...you have to start learning all over again! Who knows, maybe there's a new career in here somewhere! LOL!!!
On the good side, I've begun to re-awaken the "hippie" in me...maybe I'll even start writing poetry again! (Come to think of it...I'm not sure a COMPLETE reawakening of that sleeping beast would be good! LOL!!!)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Spacecase:
<strong>
... but rather becasue I believe that as time goes on, and regardless of the outcome of my Plan B and my M, these are valuable and important things which I wish to pursue simply for personal growth, education, and because they will be valuable for my future relationships.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Space,
Just wanted to say hey! Hope you are hangin in! I am on the run & did not have time to get up to date on your situation. I agree with the above premise -- makes total sense to me.
Best of Luck, My Brother ... You shall be a better person!
Peace be with you ...

SC,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So There! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Yes, I know what you're thinking; no wonder Ms. Space had to run away...this guy's...I don't know!...WAY too anal, I mean who would even THINK of having lists for all this stuff?!?!? And keep them updated?!?!?

OK, OK, yes, I'm a bit "organized", but what's wrong with that? It's not like I'm asking EVERYONE to be that way!

Sure, I take yellow pads to our R talks, even at Starbucks, but geez, If I don't take notes how do I keep track of all the stuff she says to me? I'm not a recorder! She gets SOOOOOOOO upset when I take notes at our meetings! She FUMES!!! but, you know, I mean it IS a compromise; if I had my way, I'd take my whiteboard!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ROTFLOLSHI <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> .

This post of yours spoke volumes to me. I'm so happy for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

E_C

P.S. SC, I KNOW you read enough that you'll be able to figure out what I said but just in case there's anyone out there who doesn't...(Rolling on the floor LOL so hard I'm crying.)

Careful there library-boy .... you'll find yourself wearing that whiteboard around your neck as a collar <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

For your analitis ... I prescribe 3 more Hawaiian shirts ... some love-beads (I STILL have some of mine) ... some free-form dancing ... AND, a week not wearing your watch ... OH yeah, I almost forgot .... and ukulele lessons too ! ..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

When you are in recovery .... you will be all ready for a Hawaiian vacation without the whiteboard.

Let it go man ..... I would freak <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> if you took notes during a coffee conversation ....

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ September 08, 2002, 02:12 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

EC:

"P.S. SC, I KNOW you read enough that you'll be able to figure out what I said but just in case there's anyone out there who doesn't...(Rolling on the floor LOL so hard I'm crying.)"

That'd be me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Honestly, I stopped taking notes at our meetings because I realized it was TOO weird...but don't get me wrong, I'd still LIKE to do it because she changes subjects so fast that I CANNOT keep track! See...I AM anal and complicated, but I recognize it, and I respect others' feelings too...THAT's progress!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

And 2L; I had NO idea what that ROFLOL... meant either! so don't feel like you're "behind the times"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

OK; more hawaiian shirts, no watch, love beads...I LOVED love beads! Ukelele lessons?!?!?! Think it'd be OK to grow my hair long again? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ September 08, 2002, 01:46 PM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

re: hair growing....

Only two questions come to mind...

Are we talking out of your head?

And CAN you? Some men MY age are having trouble keeping the hair they have, let alone growing it long! Which is why I question WHERE...cause if you're talking growing your nose hair long and doing a combover that's supposed to LOOK like it came from your head...well...that'd just be hidious. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

H4F, gee, thanks for reminding me I'm not getting any younger! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

But yes, I DO mean from my head! Thankfully it's all still there, and it grows faster than I'd like! and here's the proof! LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think he's talkin' 'bout growin' them thar manly chest hairs H4F <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Spacey, if you feel the need to take notes ... it might be cuz you're taking her words literally .... she doesn't think or speak like a man .... go for the gist and the overall tone not the verbatum meaning.

Take it from another chick ... note taking is not only annoying .... but, while your head is down, you'll miss the all important non-verbal ques us girls are so great at.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

re: proof

wellllll....that depends if you're the one on the right or the left <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JUST KIDDING!!!

Just got family pics back...gonna figure out how to get them on the net yet....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong>I think he's talkin' 'bout growin' them thar manly chest hairs H4F <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ouch! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Now THOSE are definitely going white fast! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Spacey, if you feel the need to take notes ... it might be cuz you're taking her words literally .... she doesn't think or speak like a man .... go for the gist and the overall tone not the verbatum meaning.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, now that you mention this, I've begun to do this much more...not paying attention to the details but to the overall intent, if you will. Learned to stop the complaint tirades.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Take it from another chick ... note taking is not only annoying .... but, while your head is down, you'll miss the all important non-verbal ques us girls are so great at.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm trying Pep!

SC, what do you read for fun, The Iliad? He he <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Seriously, listen to Pepper. She right on the mark here. Women don't communicate like men and nuances are everything.

I'm glad to see you're keeping your spirits up and being strong. I'm still praying for you.

(Have you ever considered one of those mini voice activated recorders? Just kidding! lol)

Hey TD! haven't "seen" you in a while!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TinyDancer:
<strong>SC, what do you read for fun, The Iliad? He he <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, unlikely as it may seem, I do read fun stuff too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
(Have you ever considered one of those mini voice activated recorders? Just kidding! lol) </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Geez! THAT would be a MAJOR LB! With all the snooping and recording I did, just SEEING the recorder would put her in a frenzy!!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

SC, H4F, Pep:

Geez! You guys are hilariouser than *I* am! (and I WORK at it!).

If the time comes when my head won't grow hair anymore, I plan on letting my eyebrows grow long and comb THEM over the top of my head. I might even braid them 2gether in back!

How veddy veddy high-brow of you 2Lengthy.

Just got back from grocery shopping ... gonna grill us some salmon .... mmmmmm <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ September 08, 2002, 05:25 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>