Wow, I just noticed that this is my 900th post. The past 18 months have been lousy for my family, and MB has been very good for me. Thanks for the friendship.

1. DIL started A - March 2001
2. Filed for D (TX) - April 2001
3. DIL moved with GS to NM to be near OM - May 2001
4. D-day - June 2001
5. Son moves to NM - December 2001
6. Unsuccessful MC, IC, and failed attempts to improve communication, DIL very resistant - Dec thru June
7. DIL writes OM to tell him that this was all his fault, doesn't want to continue R, OM hacked off and has NC with DIL
8. DIL tells Son she does not trust him or respect him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ; Son asks himself why the heck he keeps trying - July
9. Son tells DIL to get on with D; xOM marries woman he was seeing while seeing DIL - July
10. Son finds house to buy, begins antidepressants, and starts looking toward the future, not doing great - August
11. DIL has a "just friend" in California, tells GS not to talk about "friend" to Son
12. D papers passing back and forth between their two lawyers. Hope to have all this over soon. Custody details will be dealt with later . Zero chance for soul custody, will settle for 50/50 if he can get it. DIL claims that it is her efforts that have brought stability to GS's life <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> . Strange how the improvement coincided with Son's move to NM in Dec.

What I've learned: The A was a symptom of unaddressed issues in the M and her unresolved issues from very troubled relationships in her family including sexual abuse and mental illness. The A has caused her great misery, killed a family, and turned a gentle, trusting man into a cynic.

When I found out that she was in CA with her new friend (GS handed the phone to "Friend" who said DIL would call Son back when she got out of the shower.), I finally caved and wrote her a critical letter. She was VERY angry. Oh, well. I managed to hold off for 18 months. This new friend being with my GS was the last straw.

I am looking forward to going to the Balloon Fiesta in NM in October, seeing GS, and staying in newly D Son's new house. Please keep them in your prayers.

Love,
Estes

Dear Estes,

Glad to hear from you. Thanks for helping out and I know I still owe you an e-mail...... Keep your eyes open, I have a few funnies to send you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am sorry the DIL is still being a jerkette. DIL sounds disrespectful and arrogant in the least. Not a healthy environment for your GS. You mentioned that this episode has turned your S into a cynic. I hope he still sees that not everyone on the face of this planet are jerkos or jerkettes.

May he find true happiness someday and know that he always has a family with you. Single dads are admired by many. Make sure he isn't mowed over by other single women!!!! ok?!??! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.

Estes- You are a great Mom for standing by your son, and what a wonderful son you have raised. A man who can be faithful and caring and loving even to a wife who has an A and of course his son.

You are the example of what I wish my h had for a mom. He didn't really have a mom, several stepmoms.. one who really raised him.. but a dad who destroyed her in his eyes with all his inapprop. talk that she is crazy... fil still calls his 2nd wife crazy... see he abandoned his biol. daughter with her and his son, my h. Family or Origin issues are so hard to resolve.

I know your son tried his best, and that is the best one can do. This is the most horrible thing that has ever happened to me... and I am sure your family.. one of th emost and the most for yhour son. My heart aches for your grandson.

I dont blame you for the letter, she is hurting that poor little boy. I am so sorry.

ANyway, I do hope with time and prayer and God your family will get better.

WHat I am up at this hour for you may have noticed? I just awoke from a nightmare about my h and his ow number 2... see I guess a lot of them go from op to op. He told me tonite as he has many nightes if I would just lose some weight there might be a chance- well, I am and have, and it is a struggle... esp I think with the insults it is even coming to my nightm,ares. TOnight he was lying to me in my dream.. there was someone at the end of the dream who told me this... he even ha d a baby in my dream with 2nd op who tnite he told me on the phone he might just marry... it is awful . I called him to ask him to please pay some money to help support our boys. His answer.. they are not hurting and you make plenty. Well, he does not understand. His lack of concern in this area, etc... just shows me perhaps I am better off without him....

I admire your son to moving to nm. THe balloon fest is wonderful I hear. I have seen pics from a friend who has been. That will be fun. I am gald you are going when that is going on.

Keep in mind what I sd above... as I realize.. perhaps we are better off without this person.. the ws. Who wants to be treated this way?

Your son can eventually move on and start over, and of course be a wonderful father to gs albeit the joint custody.. hopefully... he does deserve it. I am so sorry for dil poor judgement and etc. These ws seem to have no .... remorse or understanding of what they do.

Hugs, HONEY

dear estes-you and your family are in my prayers. hang tough. the festival comming up in oct. sounds great.

Dear Estes,

Thanks for the update - sorry to hear things are so difficult for S, esp concern for GS custody.

Your help and advice has been so valuable to me, and others on this forum, I'm sure - hope you find time to pop in once in awhile and check up on us.

Have fun at the balloon fest - sounds spectacular!

LIR

Estes,

I am sure sorry it came to this. I can just imagine how heartbreaking this must be to watch your dear son in such pain. He's lucky to have you for a mom. And I cheered when I read you sent her a letter!

Hi Orchid, thanks for your thoughts and your unfailing support for people here. Please email me at any time through AOL.

Dear Honey, you have been a source of encouragement for many in spite of your own struggles. There are alcoholics in my family, too. It's like trying to reach the person, but the alcohol gets in the way. I wouldn't have your strength. Best wishes to you.

Dear Estes,

I am glad things are coming together for your son and GS. Not the way he would wish...but at least the chaos will be over.

The next few months will be tough too...that little piece of paper doesn't stop the hurt that I think we all have to go through. It is so neat he has you there for support.

I am going to Albuquerque for the balloon festival also in October. That is my home town and I want to go and visit with my mom. It is so beautiful there. Let me know when you will be there...maybe we could get together for lunch or something. I haven't figured out when I can go yet...think I will take a personal day and a weekend.

Anyway, I had better run...want to try to tackle my son's bedroom before he gets home from exH this afternoon. Take Care Pat

Estes, I've wondered about you and your son in the past few weeks.

You are both in my prayers.

Why does this seem to happen to the "good ones" over and over? Are we missing something?

nikko, thank you for the kind words. I hope that you can convince your H to participate in counseling with you. Keep developing a stronger you. I hope things go well for you.

LIF, hello. Thanks for the vote of confidence. I'll still be here checking up on you guys. I've got a lot of emotional investment in MB.

I've seen hot air balloons flying, but never up close. They are so colorful (colourful <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Take care,
Estes

MelodyLane,

I really appreciate your following our saga. Strange that DIL and her IC think that S and I have an "unhealthy" relationship. I guess she would know. Her friends include former OM's xW and xGF, and she is co-dependent with her bipolar mother.

Pat, I would love to meet you in Alb. I plan to be there Oct. 11-13. You can email me via AOL. S's new house is east of the mountains off Hwy 14.
It's surrounded by trees on the side of the mountain. Real estate is SO high in Alb. You get more for the money farther from town. I'm taking a personal day, too, to do this.

Estes,

I applaud you for standing strong with your son, that is what family is meant to do, I do not see that as unhealthy.

I hope that the judge that decides custody will consider what type of situations that the DIL keeps taking GS into, and how she up sets his life with moving him and not allowing him to bring up her "friends".

We too have learned alot from the wisdom of your words these past 18 months, and we appreciate the fact that you went in search of help for your son and found us!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear Estes,
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you so much for being a source of comfort, understanding, and friendship to me and to so many on this forum. You are an amazing woman! Your son is so very luck to have a Mom like you!
Hugs Estes!
BH

Dawn and BH, Hi,

I wish I could gather up all my MB friends and have a group hug! Does it sound weird to say that I feel spiritually connected to you?

You know, I would take the unhealthy relationship criticism more to heart (It does irritate me.) if I weren't 400 miles away and never got to see them more than once every few months. I can't do too much meddling long distance.

I worried for awhile about the unconditional love (for DIL) issue. Then I decided that there is a difference between unconditional love for another child-in-Christ and trying to perpetuate a loving relationship with someoe who deliberately manipulates, lies, deceives, and plots to hurt people for her own gain. I don't think we are called to do that. So I will release DIL to live this life that she has chosen. I don't hate her, but I do still resent what she has done to my family. I'll have to work on that. She is miserable, and I suspect she will continue to be unfulfilled because she is a self-centered person who uses other people to get what she wants. I cringe at the thought of my GS growing up under this influence although I know she loves him dearly.

Thanks again to all of you who have kept track of us. I can't overstate how much coming here has changed my outlook. I have learned so much! I am so proud of all of you who are trying to overcome one of the worst things that can happen in life. The impressive thing is that you want to recover in an honest and honorable way. Bless you all.

I'm continuing to keep up with everyone. MB is one of the most special experiences I have had. Isn't it interesting that it came as a result of anguish and despair.

Love, Estes

Oops.

<small>[ September 08, 2002, 11:51 PM: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</small>

Oops, multiple posts.

<small>[ September 08, 2002, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</small>

I'm glad your son is out of that unhealthy relationship and on his own road to recovery. There IS life after divorce. He will make it with your support on his side. One day, he will look back on all this with a different perspective and realize he is better off without her. Hopefully everything will workout with your grandbaby and you will get to see him regularly. Fight the good fight! Keep the faith! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank you BtDt,

You wish things were different, but they aren't, so you have to deal with reality. I appreciate your comments. My GS is so much fun. He's the biggest blessing.

Estes

Estes

My heart breaks for you, Estes. I know this is the hardest thing you have ever had to go through.

I agree with you, the people here on MB are the best.

I just wanted to reply to you as the only other MOM here.

Ala-non has helped me to let go of my daughter. I hope you never have to let go of your grandson.

I am late joining your post ... just came back to work again from 6 weeks sabbatical ... just dropping by and say hi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . -RH-