I know how it is with the false hope and how difficult it is to try to make a decision about how you should behave. I recommend the book "Love Must be Tough" by James Dobson. It really puts things in prespective and it helped me deal with my H. I do hope things work for you.

Thanks, Ktybug - I'll have to see if I can get some of these books on-line. Hard to get anything here in the Far East!

Update: I decided to do nothing. Because as I told WH, I really said it all in my last note. Let him decide where to go next month, let him decide to get Dv, let him decide if & when to contact me. I've detached and am (trying!) to have fun. And most of the time I am. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MB and the discussions here have been a God-send. After going in circles about "do I or don't I plan A or B, and how do I handle it", I started re-reading MB principles and posts on Forum. Came up with some powerful pieces that hit him in the gut, made sense to me, and have seen me through the past few days:
* If you can still LB then it's still about you - keep on Plan A'ing.
* If it feels like you're enabling A then you're doing good Plan A.
* Force yourself to Plan A till you can control LB's, and then you've worked on *you*.
* If you're going to Plan B to change behavior, DON'T!
* And finally, accept that no one can change WS's behavior except themselves. And you can't do anything to force that change - you can only control yourself.

I just had to ennumerate those for myself - whenever I start to get down or can't figure out what to do, I can turn to this list. And to all the others I've seen on this site. What great stuff.

Thanks to all of you for giving me the strength through this awful ordeal! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />